Just didn't make it

I was looking back at old cartoons I used to watch cause of the whole Facebook "make your profile picture an old cartoon you used to watch" thing that's going on, and I realized...there were a good number of shows that just came and went. After careful deliberation, I made my decision for my picture, (I chose Animaniacs not only for its great humor but also its educational aspects such as the Nations of the World song and as my friend Tyson pointed out The Brain song sung by The Brain) but I did go through many cartoons that didn't make it. It's sad to remember that at one point in my life, I believed these shows were phenomenal. Here are a few:

Mutant League




Bones Justice and company. I still believe this show was pretty good - but it didn't last long at all. This was about mutants pitted against each other in a do or die sports arena. Did I mention EXCELLENT SHOW? Mutant League Football for Sega was also a wonderful time-suck.

Swat Kats



The Radical Squadron. Two cat mechanics are secretly pro pilots of a super-awesome fighter jet and go into kombat to fight an evil cat lord. Great premise anyone? This cartoon ate Duck Tales and deficated Dark Wing Duck.

Samurai Pizza Cats



Another Cat themed fighting show. This show was garbage but it was animated and the main cat had a sword. Auto-watch.

Biker Mice From Mars




Three roided out mice that ride space travelling Harley's come from Mars to battle evil on Earth. I do recall for some reason someone decided to make a PS2 game based on it years later - a disappointment to say the least.

Street Sharks



4 guys get captured and injected with shark genes by a mad scientist and turn into muscle headed, crime fighting sharks. "GENETIC MELTDOWN!!!"


There were a few other shows such as the Tick and Freakazoid that came to mind - but they did last a little longer than the shows previously mentioned and belong in a different category (they were decent). However, there was a "real people" show that not many recall and I made sure to watch it every week as a youth.

WMAC Masters.

The video says it all.



Live action martial arts with dialogue and a storyline. The WWF of martial arts. Someone told me the hostess is a relative of Bruce Lee. Not too sure about that, but when the ninjas come out and the fighters get a life bar like in video games I went bat-shit crazy for the show.

Waking up at the crack of dawn on Saturday to watch cartoons seems like such a foreign idea now... sad. Toodles :(

Finish the week with a blast

- I finished work at 9:00pm today. :(
- I got free dinner and am going to be paid a sizable amount of over time. :)
- Dinner consisted of Philly cheese steak, jalapeño poppers, pizza fries, onion rings, "fire strips" (spicy chicken). My taste buds squealed with delight. :)
- I was given my own limo home paid by the company for another late night. :)
- I farted in the car 20 minutes into my 40 minute journey home and 5 minutes later my driver ever so carefully turned on the A/C and cracked his window. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that it's 30 degrees out and winter. :(



:(....toodles

The Monday After

The strange thing about going into this past holiday was that I had placed my excitement not in the actual holiday, but rather in the Monday of the abridged week. I suppose the looking FORWARD to the holiday was more comforting than actually seeing it go by. Some things to update on during the thankful festivities:

1. My family reads my blog. At least a few do. Which is nice to know but...following my last post the topic of discussion was, "Did you really poop your pants?" It's hard to stand dignified at that point. Nonetheless, I stood my ground and with shoulders back, head cocked and eyes ablaze (Indeed, they were blazed. Blazen? Blazing. Now it sounds like a drug habit.) I responded with what pride and dignity I could muster, "Yes. I DID poop my pants." And then I put my arm around my girlfriend who was visiting my family for the holiday. A proud moment for the both of us. (A side note - there was some skepticism regarding the details of my homeless rescuer. I challenge you NOT to find my substance abusing toilet paper provider.)

2. I am no longer a "cool, young" relative as my cousin's 5 year old son (so what does that make him? Just cousin?) pays no mind to me but has eyes of adoration for the cousin who is now in high school. In actuality, there are times when he responds to me very defensively - the type of response you learn from the DARE officers when approached by a sex offender. For instance, I had approached him to give him a hug and he so very curtly put both his hands up palms facing me, closed his eyes and turned his head. "PLEASE. I do not appreciate you touching me." NO means NO as some would say. Granted I do not spend enough time to know or have a relationship with the child in which he would remember my name or face but even so...it made me sad.

3. Did NOT get ridiculously inebriated this time around. In fact, I did everything I could NOT to. Last year, due a certain amount of pride, I had left out the fact that I puked my face off after returning home from my festively thankful holiday event. This year, I was careful to:

a. Stay away from hard liquor.
b. Not to mix my drinks. THIS WAS KEY!

I believe last year's power vomit was fueled from a few cans of sake that my cousin's husband had graciously fed to me. That and beer and mixed drink and bourbon.

I stuck to beer. However, post thankful feasting I had acquired quite a migraine. I began to panic and went over what I liquids I had consumed. Beer...beer....beer...water...beer. And of course there were silly thoughts such as: Does the mixing of organic and non-organic beer cause a poor reaction in the body!? Or perhaps was it the mixing of ales from different seasons!?

All but a minor speed bump as I made it through the night with my stomach in tact.

The rest of the holiday weekend was spent taking my girlfriend to various places in NYC and around my neighborhood in which we enjoyed each other's company. And now... it is the Monday after. This Monday is particularly hard due to the fact that because the weekend was prolonged, I was simply just getting used to not doing work. The regular weekend comes and goes far too quickly for this kind of effect to take place. Like a girl who takes me for a one night stand and disappears into the night while I slumber... was she ever really there? Where do you go, my weekend? Where do you go? I want to know.

Furthermore, I just found out that I am to work on New Year's Eve. Wonderful.

I'm considering moving my blog to a different site that offers more...OPTIONS. Basically, I'm beginning to tire of deleting the unrelenting chinese porn site and penis enhancement comment spam on my blog. More on that later.

Toodles.

A Crappy Return to Blogging

Never did I think that I would write a post that would tread the lines of self-deprecation...but w/e. I am at work. Why am I blogging at work?

1. I think it's blog worthy
2. I don't want to remember this later in the day.

In short, I've been busy and too lazy/tired to blog. I had this whole blog about an introduction to where I work and blah blah blah but I believe that it could get me in trouble and it's really not worth the time to put up so we're skipping that. I'm at work. I work in Manhattan on 53rd and 6th. I commute to work via NJ Transit bus. Those are the facts. So here's the timeline of my day:

6:00am - I wake up to my alarm for an attempt to go to gym.
6:01am - Set alarm to 7am go to sleep.
6:50am - Mom wakes me up. I turn off alarm that was supposed to go off at 7 and take shower.
7:00am - Still in bed. Go take a shower.
7:15am - Washed up, dress up, get ready.
7:35am - Eat breakfast. It consists of one boiled egg and 2 pieces of whole wheat toast with cream cheese. Every morning. Literally.
7:45am - Poop.
7:50am - Get rushed out the door by my mom and go to bus stop and get on the 8am bus.

From this bus it takes me approximately 1 to 1.5 hours to get to work. On the bus I take out my iPod and take a nap. So of course, today I did the same. About 20 minutes into my nap, I woke up and said 'Uh oh.' Wait. I must backtrack 40 minutes. Today, while I was taking my poo my mom was hollering "GONNA BE LATE GONNA BE LATE." so I took a half poo. Return to the bus: 'Uh oh.'

It was nothing big. Just that little message where your stomach is like "Hey, it's going to be time soon." So I tided this wave out and decided going back to sleep would be the best decision. 20 minutes later, still approaching the Lincoln Tunnel I woke up yet again, but this time to an infuriated intestine. I've never experienced such volatility from my stomach. And from here the torturous clenching of my gluts began. I was squeezing so fiercely that my leg began to twitch. The Lincoln Tunnel and Port Authority are not far from each other at all. But the traffic. OH THE MORNING TRAFFIC. The incessant stop. go. stop. go. Finally we get to the station and I rushed off the bus, nearly shoving elderly, handicapped women out of my way, ran down the two flights of stairs and power walked my way into the bathroom. During this trek I believe I almost pooped myself 5 times. Once at each flight of stairs and 3 times bumping into a slow walker.

I get to the bathroom and THANK YOU JESUS one stall open. I dash at it but my time is getting short, I must release the beast. I tear off my leather jacket and throw it to the ground. Aw, crap. Jacket and headphones are on NYC public restroom floor. Ugh, it came from a cow... I can deal. I rip off my belt and pants and just as I was about to drop them the flood came. I've honestly never pooped with such force. Torrent of feces I might say. Fecal torrent. After my brown storm had subsided, relieved, I blindly reached into the silver canister for the toilet paper and...it was empty. And with a defeated sigh, I let out a quiet "fck..."

A sidenote - I had once heard a story of a famous tweeter who was in the same predicament as my own but tweeted his location and need and indeed got his toilet paper.

My rescue story is not nearly as cool. Upon letting out my swear I heard a small cackle from the stall to my left. Obviously, he was aware of my dilemma and out from under his stall came a shaky hand with a roll of TP for me. I thanked my rescuer, whom later I found out was a homeless man who was evidently tripping on multiple barbituates and had taken off all his clothes to poop. (The whole time he was moaning things like "Oh yea, that's right. Yeah you gotta do it like that.") Whatever, the ordeal is over, and I owe him one. Stomach is relieved and toosh is wiped. Now time to pull my pants up....fck. Upon unleashing my butt's hadouken, some of the fireball had grazed the top part of my boxer shorts. Dammit dammit...I sat and pondered. I indeed played with the thought of cleaning the soiled undergarment but now was no time for experimentation - gotta get to work. I made a quick judgment call and with my pants on, ripped and tore the dirty underwear off from my body. In actuality, I am quite proud of the method I used to go about this. I put my hands in the hole of the front part of the boxer and with a quick tug, ripped them in half clean off my legs. Work of a master. Very effective. From there I went about my usual. Washed my hands as if nothing happened and walked to work.



So there you have it. Officially back to the blog. Yes. I am at work with no underwear on. Commando as some would say. I'm also very hungry. The rest of the day will be picking my wedgey cause my slacks keep getting caught. If you would have done otherwise, please inform me - I believe I had no other choice unless I carry spare underwear in my bag.

And now it's back to work. Toodles. (Haha, I heard someone say that. SO GAY but I like it...)

Obama Kept Me From Work

Hard to blog since I started doing a 9-5 in NYC -

but here's a treat -

I'm walking to my building and I'm literally arms length away from the door when a Secret Service agent shoves me back and says "You cannot pass." A UN conference is going on in our area and they have to close of 53rd street for all sorts of delegates. So I literally stood in front of my door for half an hour and was late for work. I have no idea who passed through - but I'm just going to say it was Obama.



That was yesterday, today - more road closings. They closed the intersections on 53rd at 5th and 6th Avenues for this whole motorcade or w/e it's called. AND - they had snipers on the roofs just in case lol



Word. I was spying on the snipers. (click it the pic is cut off)


It's just funny cause with all the sirens and horns blaring... had they just passed through I don't think anyone would've known they were there.

Wishful Thinking

It's natural to want someone that's done harm to you to have bad things happen to them....well let's not go as far as BAD THINGS but inconveniences...(being ugly, bad teeth, trip and fall, etc. etc.) I guess it's just a form of retaliation in the mind? It makes sense, but it doesn't make sense... I dunno I could go on for that but that's not the point.

I had a bully in elementary school. The worst kind of bully. He pretended to be my friend, but at the same time bullied me. He pulled it off so well. I think 50% of it was cause he had every new video game ever and I loved playing games with him. There was one such instance when I had my first sleep over EVER in 4th grade. I went to his house and we did the usual 4th grade nonsense - talk about girls. And I spilled the beans. I used to have this huge crush on a Greek chick named Alexandra. The reason I remember her so well besides have an amazing memory? Not because my feelings for her were strong - but because after I told him he then told the WHOLE 4th grade the day after and she looked at me and said 'ew.' SOUL CRUSH.


I haven't seen that bully for many years. Until recently.


He friended me on Facebook and I was so curious to see his info so I accepted. The once short, fat, and big earred Greek kid with ugly braces is not the big, fat, massive lard I had hoped him to become. He's tall - lost all the baby fat, nice set of white teeth, not even balding a little. Running into him and having to reminisce with him....ugh forget it don't even wanna talk about it.


I'm genetically made to bald... it's just in the fam.




His head fulla hair is going no where =T

A Post for Date

Lol it's 90210.



I remember thinking "OMG this show is so ridic, but that Dylan (Dillan? Dillain like villain?) guy is SO COOL ON HIS MOTORBIKKKKKKKKEEEEE lol. And Brenda just gave me the creeps I always thought she was a dirty chick.

Nothing much going on. Just working on sets and work. My next set is Sept 15th - So we'll see how that goes.

I've been dating for a bit... I'm flying out to see her (yes, it's long distance, but she's awesome so why not?) this Friday but a freakin' hurricane is coming. It's supposed to barely miss Jersey so fingers are crossed.

I went to my friend's girlfriend's church football game the other day. The girl's like 5'10 so it was interesting to watch her tower over all the girls and most of the guys on the field. We just sat on the sideline and ate cheeseburgers lol. It was funny cause after the game this guy was talkin' to his team (the losers) and I feel like this happens a lot! something like -

Guy: "Dudes. Athletically, we had them man. We just weren't organized. If we practiced a LITTLE MORE we would've won for sure."

Basically he was saying -

Guy: "Dudes. If we didn't lose... we would've won. For sure."

Lol and then he went into how he pulled his "hammy" first play and when he tried to "cut" it just wouldn't happen. But dudes, athletically, they had them.

A lot of people end their stuff with "Cheers" now. I see it on a lot of blogs. I guess it sounds classy... I am not classy -_- The word just doesn't suit me. And ending it with something like "Peace." makes me feel like I'm trying to be Rev. Run. W/e~ It's been over a year of blogging still don't know how to end an entry. wtf.

END

My First Stand Up At Broadway Comedy Club in NYC

I say "thank you" when someone says "This guy's funny." lol

I got an invite to a bigger gig =) We'll see how it goes!!

My Taste of Taiwan

Taiwan was.... pretty crazy. Well - the parts I saw of it at least. I saw someone else post up their photos of Taiwan where they're riding through the countryside on a motorcycle and stuff....my taste was definitely less artistic to say the least.



This is the market. I was basically walking through one of these day and night regardless of where I was. Chinese folks really are trying to sell you crap ALL THE FREAKIN TIME.

As for the food - it was great! A lot of good eating and fruity teas - I only had two gripes about food. They were:



The falcon claw. (It's a chicken's foot but they're bigger than you think -_-)

I really don't have a lot of gripes about food but just thinking about sucking the meat off the fingers off the claw just....ugh I can't do it. It's all mushy, slippery, and scaly at the same time. And then....



"Stinky Tofu"

So this is Taiwan's excuse for the country smelling bad. OMGGGGGG smells bad though - I mean you'd think if it smells like asshole you wouldn't eat it y'know? But apparently it was a "must have" so I had to try it. Was w/e. Severely overrated imo =T

I took a lot of random shots - like billboards with English spelled wrong and what not... Here are a couple funnies:



Police Station

YEAH!!!! POLICE STATION!!!! I dunno...you'd think they'd want to be taken seriously. Animated heroes of Taiwan...



Hehehe "See-men" Station....hehehe



I thought it was interesting graffiti in Taiwan looked like graffiti in the states...and I still have no idea what it says.

So yeah those are some randoms.

The only reason I went is cause my good friend David was there and he told me it'd be a good time - and it was. EXCEPT FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING A WORD FOR 5 DAYS. SOOOoooo
the only Chinese word I could pick up is "thank you" and "korean" (Hong guo ran). It's a pretty damn distinct word and I'm the only Korean in like a 5 mile radius everywhere I go. So a lot of it would just be me standing there and smiling cause...that's what people do when you don't know what people are talking about - you stand there and smile like a dumbass. Conversations went like:

David: (china talk)
David's friend: haha (china talk) HONG GUO RAN (china talk)
::Both David and his friend look at me...
David and his friend both laugh::
Me: Hahaha. Yo - what you guys talking about?
David: Nothin.

You bitch David.





That's a pharmacy door he's standing next to. The door sign says "FATNESS IS A SICKNESS." Fatty.

Or so he tells me.

Bed Bug Welcome

So I've been back for about a day now - I didn't think I'd be jetlagged but I have a little bit.. I've been trying to sleep at normal times but it isn't really happening.

As for my trip through "Asia" (actually just Taiwan and Korea, hardly deserves to be called a trip through Asia just so much easier to type and sounds better... I think a 'trip through Asia' should be merited by a minimum of 3 or 4 countries.) I'm going to have to do a two part post. So this post will actually be about the happenings on my return.

So on my flight back...I must say it was quite hectic. Mostly because there was this baby that wouldn't stop crying unless his mom breast fed him so she was constantly popping him under the cover and I had the luxury to be next to them. It was a seat specially designed for women with children though and it was cool cause there was this wall with holes and they plug a bed into them much like this one:



So he gets to LIE DOWN the whole 14 hours we're flying. He was a relatively cute baby but OMG WTF WERE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU GET TO LOUNGE OUT THE WHOLE FLIGHT.

I'm not a very picky eater and the flight food on Asiana is pretty decent - so food wasn't an issue. Upon arriving it took quite a bit to get my luggage..I don't know why mine has a tendency to come out last. And with luggage coming out last it would seem that I was required to assist the most people. This one girl kept confusing her bag with these HUGE MONSTROSITIES of bags so I was busting my back taking em on and off. I mean, she said thank you. But I thought a $10 would have been more appropriate. Finally, I get through customs and I'm greeted with my mother and sister. Yay! It was pleasant...my sister had just toured through France and England so we were discussing everything and what not and then finally - they get honest with me:

Sister: Doug, you're sleeping you get to sleep in my room today.
Me: Why?
Sister: I'm going to be sleeping in your room with Mom. (As if she was doing a favor for me.)

(So my mom sleeps on the ground in my room, not in the master bedroom)
Me: Oh. Alrighty. Why's that?
Sister: Eh... it's nothing.
Me: Tell me.
Sister: Sooooooooooo - I've been getting all these little marks on my body when I've been sleeping on that bed and I think our house has bed bugs! (Like ooo let's get excited for bed bugs!) Mom doesn't want to get an exterminator so mom, dad, and I thoroughly cleaned it and vacuumed the mattress and if we have bed bugs you can usually see them but I couldn't. Mom thinks I'm just being crazy and I'm having an allergic reaction but I really think we have them so....
Me: .........So you want me to guinea pig for you and see if I get pwned in your bed.
Sister: ..Yup.
Mom: Don't worry. No bed bug. She's crazy.

And I mean this is not a small deal here...these bed bugs. A victim:




Seriously not cool.



So as of now. I sleep in her bed. Welcome home -_-. I'll get the trip highlights up as soon as possible!

Hot and Bothered

I'm going headed for Taiwan tonight - and then Korea afterward so I don't think I'll be able to blog for July... we'll see I'm sure a lot of crap will happen there.

I went to a wedding in Chicago - I think going back made me miss it. Ate at a place called Hot Doug's. Was pretty cool, wedding was fun, sigh~

So I have a few weird habits I picked up and I realize a lot of them are cause of people that I've interacted with.

I used to have a friend... and whenever I was in his car - just me and him - he would listen to really SOULFUL music. Like that love R&B. Basically sex music. It's all he ever played. And I'd be in his car and the first time I thought ok this is kinda weird but I guess he's in that mood y'know? Sometimes you just gotta get it out - I get it. But every, freakin', time. And he'd sing that shit to me in the car and during the very baritone low narration parts he'd touch my shoulder and mouth it to me.

"Baby - I'm sorry, baby. You KNOW I NEED you right now."

Along those lines. I was REALLY creeped out. We'd stop at traffic lights and the windows would be down and he's singing that shit and people would look at us with that "Aw two homos" look.


So whenever that music comes on the radio and I'm with another dude I HAVE to switch it. Just have to.



(I was gonna paste a dude's pic there...but putting mine wouldn't really make sense and putting the dude's just didn't seem right...so [your pic there]) (edit: I just realized you can see her boob. Oopsy - shoulda put my face there =DDD )

No John Legend, no Brian McKnight, no sax...


We recently changed phone companies at my family's house. The previous pissed off my dad somehow so we've been having the cable guys come in to give us a phone line. The first guy that came in was this really cool Haitian dude. I just sat there next to him watchin him fix everything up - he'd get a phone call from some girl every now and then and tell her he was on his way over to her place... I thought it was his wife until his wife called. Oh boy.

But the next guy. So apparently the Haitian guy didn't do everything right (we had to hook up our phone line to the ADT security system) so he came to do it. This guy was this FAT, Russian? Hungarian? I dunno some fat guy that looked like the guy from Boy Meets World/ Butterfly Effect:




But fatter than this picture.


My mom's English is pretty decent. She's pretty fluent. And he's talkin to my mom like she's a dumbass - when his English was pretty broken. Even when she's talking back to him in perfectly fine English they just can't acknowledge it. It's like a mental block or something. The whole "IF YOU PUT WIRE IN, NO GOOD. KEEP WIRE IN. SECURITY GOOD. ALARM PERFECT." slow and loud talk was in play. And then - he asks me to plug this wire into a jack so I plug it in but they were in a splitter so I just picked one.

Whatever I had to do didn't work so he sighs and lugs his sweaty fatass up from the basement to the top floor and takes it out of the one I put it into and into the other one. And I laugh and say "Oh, my bad." and he goes "Yeah. Well, it was my bad for asking."

oooooo myyyyyyy. FCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU CABLE MAN. SORRY THE STAIRS WERE HARD ON YOU. and then he left.


So yeah - that's about it on this end...I'll try to get an update in while I'm in Asia - look forward to it!

the fam

In light of father's day... decided to drop a post on some old and new things about my family.

My mom -

She's hilarious. She's a little woman with a lil poofy fro and she never fails to surprise me. In high school I used to pretend I was doing projects at my neighbors house but we'd just go into his basement and play N64. I guess she caught on after the 4th week of doing a project cause she was spying on us through the little half window that's on the ground level looking down into the basement.

Friend: (looks up) dude is that your mom?
Me: Huh? Nah.

And then I see a little poofy fro hiding behind a bush.

Me: That's my mom.

Or more recently...I like to interrupt my sister midsentence by saying 'vagina' obnoxiously loud. Kinda like....

Sister: (to my mom) So when I was going to -
Me: Vagina.
Sister: ...work I saw -
Me: Vaginaaaaaaa
Sister: Douglas. I saw
Me: Va-haaaaaaaaa-gina.
Mom: Douglas - you don't speak like that.
Sister: That's disgusting, Douglas. I saw a...
Mom: Testicle!

Lol.


My sister -

She's like....another mom. Even though sometimes she's a little clueless she's funny. She's the smart one. So my folks tend to yell at me heRE and there and nag me cause I'm not really doing anything or I'm not accomplished or I've been lazy blah blah.

Dad: (yelling at me cause I've been lazy and stuff) RAHHHHH!!!! RAAAAAAH!!!
Me: Sorry, dad I'll handle it.
Sister: Remember that one time you did this and that? That's just like this time!
Me: Oh wtf.
Dad: ...OHHHHHHHH YEAHHHH! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

So she throws me under the bus now n then... I do believe it's unintentional. Whenever I confront her and tell her she should just shuttup she gives me:

"Douglas, you never learn. You have to learn."

More recently...I slept on the couch when my folks went on a cruise cause it's cooler downstairs, but while sleeping on it I pulled off one of the couch buttons by accident. I told my sister don't tell them - she has kept this secret. When the folks came back she tattled on me about something and I accused her of being a tattle tale.

Mom and dad are sitting some 10 feet away from us.

Me: You're a tattle (walks to living room/sits on couch w/ button)
Sister: How am I tattle! I didn't tell then about the cou-... mmmm.
Me: yeah? About what?
Sister: -_-

Born to tell on me. She can't help it just WIRED to do it.


My dad -

Where to begin? He's my dad. He used to be the TERROR. The wielder of the stick. But he's mellowed out a bit. He likes to sit down and blabber on about things I need to do and how I need to live. For instance - a salary job is undesirable because it'll just cap my ability to make money. How would I solve the oil crisis? What would I do to address the environmental and economic repercussions? lol... answering that stuff is so gay.

I think his restaurant manners are atrocious... something I will elaborate on another post but one such instance is...when you call over a waiter... you kind of just raise your hand and say "excuse me" y'know? what he does is he makes eye contact and goes



and says "Hey. You come here" lolol

He's just that kinda guy...and he hasn't failed to scare the people that stay over my house. There was one instance my friend slept on the couch - my dad just kinda stood over him at like 8am and watched him until he woke up. I do not know why...

He's retiring soon so... I really don't know what he's gonna do with his time/energy... oh boy I need to move out soon. Happy Father's Day.

wtf tilt

to tilt or being tilted is basically just being so upset or driven to frustration one is thrown off their game - poor decisions, short fuse, impatient etc. etc.


I've been trying to write a script for this contest that FOX tv is holding. Basically it's a comedy pilot and they're offering 25k and a development deal to the winner. I figure "Hey, why not?". The problem is that I'm kinda stuck. It's like this eternal spiral of writer's block. I blame being home contributing 25.5% of it.

I can't seem to get on a decent roll when I'm writing - either my folks will nag me about looking for a job or someone will be fighting with someone and it's just hard being funny on paper when shit's going down around you. I gotta find a place to crash for a friend's wedding AND contact my friend in taiwan for a trip to korea. Too much crap think about = TILT. So - I've been getting annoyed... and fat. I swear I called so many people fat and pointed and laughed it's coming back to me. I need to work out...


Getting tilted so easily nowadays. NO GOOOOD. All this build up of nagging and unproductivity is really getting to me. For instance -


A while back I kinda went on this 'date' with this chick back at school. I'm pretty sure she was into me and went to bars - danced etc. So this one night we go to her place and it just so happens that a bunch of younger guys I knew from the east coast were there and it was all "AHH!!! HYUNG!! (older bro) DRINK DRINK DRINK!" So I drank drank drank and got FCKED UP. We went outside to go somewhere else and I was like zomg wtf. I'm in her car trying to stifle all this puke and then...


drip drip drip


It kinda dribbled outta my mouth. (Thank God I was in the back seat)

So I'm all "STOP THE CAR" go outside puke my brains out. She's def thinkin' "omg he puked on himself" and takes me home with some other dude. They drop me off I stumble into my apartment and wake up. My sink's on, towels in the sink, sock is in the fridge, and I'm naked. She pretty much ignored me after that - fine, understandable. Being sloppy is unattractive anyway.

So a year and a half later it so happens we're taking two classes together. Blah blah hung out studied once and that was that. She msgs me to see what I'm doing graduation night and I tell her to call me and she says k but she doesn't call. I was a little sad. But w/e.

AND NOW since she's moving to NY for work she msgs "hope you're in nj~ :)" and i'm like oh wtffffffff. You damn tilda smiley face! Change the way I see the sentence so drastically.


Tilted me off my rocker. And I know it's petty shit but I was just sooooo annoyed cause I'm not down with that. And I do confess way back then I had a crush on her. So what? she's cute :(



I ain't got time for games (Waldo)!

I have to hash this script out in like 2 days and get it copyrighted. I have 40% of it done. wtf tilt.

Update

My sister recently got a job as a high school teacher. It's a pretty impressive feat considering this time has been compared to the Great Depression when it comes to getting a job as a teacher. I've been applying here and there within our area as well as my parents see it better that I live on the East coast...

During my time home I've realized that my sister takes what I say pretty seriously and she thinks I'm an alcoholic...

Sister: Are you looking for jobs? You spend too much money. What're you doing? Are you being productive? blah blah blah Where will you get the money?
Me: I'll just sell my body.
Sister: What?
Me: I'm gonna be a hooker.
Sister: ... y'know Douglas being a male prostitute is hard.
Me: (Wtf) I was kidding.
Sister: Haven't you seen the movie Midnight Cowboy? That life is TERRIBLE!

I really don't know what compelled her to watch a movie called Midnight Cowboy.

The day I returned from college my mom and dad went on a cruise in the Mediterranean so no nagging from them... for now. As proud as I am for my sister I hope to God that her achievement will reduce the amount of nagging my parents generate. However, I do believe and fear that they will just concentrate it on me.

There's been a love bug floating around - a lot of people I know have decided to couple up. I, on the other hand, have been single for the longest length of time since high school. I am not able to bring this issue up to friends around here due to the fact that on CUE I will be called a pedophile/cradle robber in SOME manner due to a past relationship. (She was only 2.5 years younger.) WELL I'M SORRY.

On another note, I do feel as though men have to 'settle' for their partner more often than women do. Not saying women don't settle. Just - I would like to be settled for. IIIII don't want to settle for a girl. I want a girl to settle for me. I want to wake up and think in my head "God, my girlfriend could do so much better than me." Perhaps turn over and see her beautiful better-than-I-should-be-doing sleeping face smiling from thoughts of me... and then I would begin celebratory fist pumping. Every morning. Really. It would be nice.

And she would probably buy me nice things.

You don't want that in your mouth

I've always had this thing for eavesdropping on people... I don't know I think it's just interesting jumping in on a person's conversation at a random point. This is especially when you're walking by people at the mall or on the street cause you always just get a random sentence or two. For example one of the more memorable moments was when I was walking with my friend at school and we passed some really, really huge guys and I caught:

".... - I REALLY wanted those balls in my mouth so bad."

lol wtf.


Recently I took a trip to south Jersey... and we were just sitting on some benches and I hear some parents talking with their kid and the conversation goes something like :

Little boy: I want a lolli! Can I get a lolli? I'll eat it after dinnuh!
Mom: Aww that's so cute. What do you think Bill?
Dad: (I believe he was texting or checking the score of the Flyer's game) Nah. That stuff's full of shit. You don't wanna eat that champ.

Wow. So I'm just kinda... that's a really blunt dad y'know? I don't have the cleanest mouth but traditionally it was just "Watch your mouth son!" clean the mouth with a bar of soap kind of crap. And then..


Mom: Yeah, he's right. That stuff IS fulla shit. Plus you have new teeth growing in. Baby you don't want that shit in your mouth.
Little boy: (just kinda frolics away) K!

I mean you can tell they care about their kid...I guess they figure he's gonna swear anyway.

And then you have parents that let their kids end up like THIS:



Baby, you don't want that shit in your mouth.

Homecoming Adventure with Denise Squared

I got home yesterday. Oh man - it was pretty hectic. I had a couple interviews in the Chicago area a few days before and then after that I decided to go celebrate with David and his roommate cause I GRADUATED ZOMGGGGGGGGGG

We went to a bar called Starbusters where they were having karaoke night - the kind of karaoke people go up and sing in front of the bar. I call it white person's karaoke. I must say - it's pretty awesome. Anyhoo - got home late and realized I had to leave David's place at 730 ish so I had to wake up at 630 to pack. Slept at 3... was not fun.

Woke up hung over - so as David drove me I had to ask him to pull over to puke. Of course of all places he takes me to a church parking lot. That wasn't weird. But then I had to take a massive dump.

I ALWAYS HAVE TO DUMP WHEN I HAVE TO PUKE. UGHHHHHH If I puke then the stomach contracting makes me shart my pants and if I dump first the smell makes me wanna puke and then I'm sticking my face into a bowl of crap. I've talked about this. But always always :( as we were driving I was literally looking at the ditches on the side of the road and thinking if I could do my business there. Terrible.

Finally - get to the airport.

So I usually fly American. I go to the American terminal at O'hare (#3) and swipe my credit card and look for my info. Computer wasn't finding it - so I asked the lady, Denise.


Me: Hey! It's not finding my flight information? (I said this in the most friendly way a hungover and sickly feeling person could say)
Denise: Mmmhmm - gimme a sec. What's your last name?
Me: Cho, C-h-o
Denise: First name, Mr. Chow? (Serious?)
Me: Douglas. My flight's at 10:24
Denise: -scanning computer- Psh. There's no 10:24 flight. You got the wrong airline.
Me: Wtf? Can you check for me please?
Denise: Mmmhmm. How can you forget which airline you flying?

Ok fine. Yeah I forgot which airline but in my defense - it's been 5 months since I really looked at my flight stuff and I really do usually fly American.

Me: .... Just a really hectic morning, heh. Could you PLEASE check for me?
Denise: Mmmhmm...sec - can't believe you forgot your airline.

Omg get over it. And I realized "Mmmhmm" is another way of saying a mix of "I don't believe you" and "I don't really care." and "I don't give a shit." all at once.

Denise: You're flying U.S. Airways. Seriously - you gotta quit forgettin' that kind of easy stuff.
Doug: W/E

I seriously woulda given her a piece of my mind but she had information I needed... I should've anyway BECAUSE:

I was NOT flying U.S. Airways. I walked to the next terminal (#2) swipe my card find out that my shit's not there so I call my sister and she finds it online - I'm flying United. Wtf. Fck you, Denise.

Go to the NEXT terminal (#1) so by now I've walked the span of O'hare. Get to United and I find out I can't check my bag in cause 40 minutes before is too late. So now I'm just pacing around grumbling to myself and I happen to stand on the red carpet that United has. If you go to the airport it's literally a 5 by 3 ft piece of red carpet on the ground. Apparently it's for VIPs. This lady kind of appears from behind the wall and tells me to follow her - so I do and she takes me to this like small marble encased room where everything is shiny and nice and there I explain my situation.

Immediately she looks at me and goes - "Regina! Haha, Regina's my right hand girl." And then Regina appears out of no where. "This man needs a late check in - please handle it." She looks at me "Okay, Mr. Chow you're all set to go." I won't hold it against her even though I spelled it and said it for her too. And then Regina takes my bag and puts this bad boy on it:




United is pretty awesome.

And then the lady takes me to this door and combines with the army line and rich person like that cuts ahead of everyone else. That was awesome. But of course, being all caught up in everything/hungover I left one of my carry on bags prior to the security check-in point. So I'm past the security debating if I should abandon my bag cause I have 15 minutes to board and then I turn around - and what do you know this security lady is sifting through my bag cause it was unattended luggage =)

Me: Hey! That's mine!
Denise: Mmmhmm. (yes her name was Denise as well -_-) How do I know this is your bag?
Me: There's a blue overcoat in it, a black blazer and many dress shirts.
Denise: That's bout right I GUESS. Don't you know how we treat unattended luggage? How you gonna forget this?
Me: I know... I just...

Ugh gimme a fckin break.

Denise: Mmmhmm Don't you hear the voice on the intercom that repeats itself about unattended luggage?
Me: Yes. (one word answer means she can't continue to lecture)
Denise: sigh *eyeroll - here you go..

All the Denises in the world need to lecture me apparently. WHATEVER. I got my bag back and then make a mad dash to gate B22 which obviously is at the WAY END. Get on the plane, life is good, a little worried about bags but w/e. Close my eyes... and then - this hulk of a woman comes to me.

Hulk: I believe I have the aisle, and *point* you have the window.
Me: Ahh gotcha. * I move over *

I close my eyes try to rest... and I get this nasty lead smelling splash of air into my face. I realize that my lovely fat seat mate had decided to open my air vent. I was not having this. I slowly, ever so carefully reached up for it and twisted it close - and as I did her fat head slowly turned to me to watch and said, "Well that's not nice." And then we locked eyes. At this point I'm tired, hungover, sweaty, and this plane is about to take off and I don't give a fck about what happens so I gave her the craziest look that I could muster and just stared straight back at her like "I will eat you alive, woman." and we have this staring contest for about 7 seconds. She concedes. I sleep. I'm home. GG.

CELEBRATION!!!!!!

Quick entry cause things are going crazy -

Finally finished up with undergrad!!! Took my last final...been hittin' up the bars in celebrationnnnnn!!! Got a couple interviews right after graduation...hopefully they will be ok.

It's interesting cause everyone is so hyped up with being done with finals and what not there's almost this tension in the air cause people wanna go wild. All good though.

My folks are coming down right now - NOT in the best mood cause there's crazy traffic... I fear for the hostility that will arise from that. A phone call just 10 minutes ago:

Me: Hey dad.
Dad: Hey.
Me: So what's go-
Dad: We're going to be there late cause there's really bad road construction going on right now.
Me: Oh really? How long do you thin-
Dad: How do you think I'll know how long with this kind of traffic? We're CRAWLING. CRAWLING along.
Me: How far are yo-
Dad: I have NO idea how far we are
Sister: (In the background) 66 MILES!
Dad: 66 Miles away. CRAWLING.
Me: Should I change the dinner reser-
Dad: CRAWLING. You change the dinner reservation we're going to be late.
Me: K.
Dad: This traffic is crazy. See you soon.
Me: K.

All good. I am prepared. I have been celebrating all week and I have some pics of some other people celebrating with me... two in particular. I must say though... it's crazy what you see with a camera flash.

The first:



CELEBRATION!!!!!!!!! This guy straddled this chick on a wheelchair and was trying to make out with her. I was pretending to take a picture of myself, yes. I was gonna caption up this picture but... I don't know it kinda bothered me. The guy wiping? his hand on his chest was preppin' to start celebrating with the chick in front of him.


gonna have to click this one to make it bigger

Lol. Big girls need love too. I envision him saying something like "You ain't goin' no where baby girl." and she's like "Oh yeah? You think you can stop me?! Come get it play boy." and he's like "OH BABY! Come to daddy big mama" and then they made out like crazy (which is what caught my eye in the first place). From the look on his face you know he's ready for THE CELEBRATION!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M SO HUGE RIGHT NOW

Effective/fun workouts have always been a popular concept... I think they always will. There'll always be a new video/formula/exercise that gets you super fit. I've attempted some of these myself... 300 workout, sparticus, etc. etc. Remember Tae Bo? Hip Hop Abs? Pole Dancing as a work out? p-90X is really popular now. SO MANY. Freakin' Jane Fonda is still at it. How old is she... 70's? and she has a NEW work out dvd wtf?



She looks like she's suffering -_-. How many breaks did they have to take cause she might have stroked out?

And WHY is Beethoven behind her reading a newspaper?

Originally, I was going to do this entry on belly dancing cause I was watching FitTv and it's ridiculous... maybe I'll come to it later. But last night I discovered something so much better...


SHAKE WEIGHT FOR MEN. Please watch the video. It's hilarious with all the grunting and shaking.... HAHA and if you don't see the masturbation entendre (can i use that word there?) well, it's there.

HAHAH @ 10/15 seconds: "GRRRRR! Whew! That's it."

"The faster you shake, the more intense and challenging your work out."


$29.95 for "SCIENCE FACT, NOT FICTION"

After seeing it I spent the rest of the night out imitating it cause it was so captivating.

I'M SO HUGE RIGHT NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

DANCE UP ON HIS MOM!

Crazy week. Procrastinated a huge project but I got through it... I think. We'll see how the results show up.

So it was my birthday weekend last week. Woohoo turned 24. I wasn't going to do anything cause I usually don't, but some of my friend Alan decided to throw a party for me. It was supposed to be a surprise... but the progression into the night was note worthy -

So going to dinner:

Alan: So hey, it's your birthday!
Me: Oh yeah! lol
Alan: So - I'm having people over at my place... wanna come over? We're gonna make pina coladas and stuff @ around 9?
Me: Eh... I don't know I'm busy...maybe I'll come out later?
Alan: ...ok.

At dinner:

Alan: So hey. Y'know that thing I'm having at my place? That was supposed to be a surprise. For you. You should come.
Me: Ah. K.


Going to party:

Adam: I can't go crazy.
Me: No way dude, it's going to be mild, chill, how bad can pina coladas get?
Adam: Word.


So just a few of us got there - it was real good times and then my friend, Kwon decided to pull a fast one on me and whipped out this nasty bottle of vodka.



This will hurt you.

After - we decided to go to a bar and on entering we realized... hey! It's mom's weekend! It's basically a weekend everyone's mom comes down and goes to bars with their kids -_-.

So we're hanging out - music playing we're just dancing around and I make eye contact with this dude with his friends and moms and he comes up to me all "What! What! Show me what you got! Show me what you got!" One of those encounters and then after he watched me for a little it became :



ty Jessica for the lovely pic

Wtf? So weird - but THEN I hear "YEAH! DANCE UP ON HIS MOM!" from my corner. And he's still going "YEAH! DANCE UP ON MY MOM! HEY, MOM!"

lol. So much of my 24th was spent with a circle of mothers and their children watching me in a bar. Happy Bday!

Reponse to Rudeness is Rage

First thing I noticed over the past week - if the U.S. Census Bureau does not seem to think you are filling out the census they will spam mail you. Not like put it in your spam box and delete spam mail you - they will physically spam mail you.



I'm holding like 10+ Census things in my hand of all different sizes. 3 people live in my apartment. ha

Anyway -

Frankly, I think customer service reps and I weren't meant to get along. I don't understand why. I'm very polite and patient on the phone. No joke. Sometimes I'll crack a joke here and there - being a telephone service rep has got to suck and I totally understand so I try to be a good customer... but taking it out on someone else who calls is NOT going to make your day better, especially if it's me.

Long story short - a friend of mine came down for the weekend to hang out but I wanted to do an errand for my church so I left him to his own devices at my apartment. After I had returned, we went out to eat, got drinks, went home, passed out, and he left town. I wake up - go onto my computer - and I have a computer virus. Now this friend had the same virus last week on HIS computer...and now it's on mine.... I know correlation doesn't mean causation but just sayin'.

So - after being on the phone with him I was told to download all these programs to fix my junk. They failed. So then I bought this program that was supposed to help me fix my registry. While this was scanning my computer, I figured I'd call someone I knew who was good with computers. I left a voicemail that day - and still have not received a reply. I think that's rude, BUT W/E GUESS I DON'T KNOW EM LIKE THAT.

FINALLY, FINALLY my computer begins to breathe some sort of life no thanks to the program I purchased - and the website said "IF CUSTOMER IS NOT SATISFIED WITH RESULTS THEY MAY RETURN THEIR KEY FOR A REFUND." YOU CAN'T GET MORE ANY CLEAR WITH THAT RIGHT?

And here is my customer service call:

*ring ring gay menu press 1, 4, 1, 3, wait 10 minutes

Charlotte: Hello, this is Charlotte speaking. Can I help you?

-Immediately I detect our friend Charlotte is not happy. So I decided to be nice.-

Me: Hi! I recently purchased your product - actually today, and it didn't work out the way it said it would - I would like to cancel my order.
Charlotte: What's your order ID?
Me: [Order ID]
Charlotte: Mr. Chew?
Me: Yes.

-I really think that when non-Asian people read 3 letter last names, they must add some sort of twist or special rules to the letters i.e. 'o' in my name is actually prounounced 'ew' or 'ow' or 'banana' -


Charlotte: Why do you want to return this?
Me: The program didn't help me out the way I needed so I want to return it.
Charlotte: You can't do that.
Me: Why not?
Charlotte: Because you bought it.
Me: Oh - well that's why I'm returning it, haha.
Charlotte: No.
Me: ....[waiting for more than that]
Charlotte: Is there anythin more I ca-
Me: Wait, wait. I'm reading it here on the website about the return policy - I'm supposed to be able to return this.
Charlotte: Just cause it's there doesn't mean you're right.
Me: How is that so? It shouldn't be up there then.
Charlotte: You're ignorant.

-WHOA. wtf. I don't understand WHERE that came from. When I'm in these situations I swear but when I'm pushed further I skip the swearing I just wanna say something mean....So I did. -

Me: Go die in a fire cause apparently you're not good for anything else.

- and then I hung up -

Aftermath: I RAGED at my computer for being sooooooooooooooooooo virus-y. I sent a cold and straightforward to their support address saying I wanted my refund or else I'm disputing the charge with my cc's bank. No response. Rude.

Hello, Random Girl

Some random:

Is it me or does everyone who wants to be taller always wants 1.5 to 2 inches in height? Enough to make a difference, but a modest amount. There's a pretty hot girl in one of my classes and she always smiles at me when we make eye contact, but I help but think if it's not friendly flirting but her feeling superior since she's a TADBIT taller. If latter: kick her in the knee cap.

Everyone is wearing horn rimmed something nowadays, whether it be glasses or sunglasses. Even the 3D glasses are kind of like that. I saw a girl wearing them with the 3D plastic part popped out, so she just had the plastic frame on. Wtf. She had this tattoo of stars on her arm but the tiny little stars looked like tiny bugs on her arm from far away. I wanted to tell her but that could be upsetting.

This picture is funny:




The spam comments are kind of getting out of control. Lots of porn and random gaming websites and gaming porn hybrid sites are spamming me. Gaming + porn. Making porn interactive - that's kind of sickly genius. I don't know how to stop it.


I have to go to a computer lab to print my stuff. I've made it a habit to check my blog for comments while on the computer or to just review blogs to see if I like something or not. As I was slowly scrolling past the picture of the volleyball player's ass tightly wrapped in a sad excuse for spandex shorts, a girl tapped my shoulder:

Girl: Hey.
Me: *Turn (FCK! She probably thinks I'm some sort of pervert) Hi.
Girl: You read this blog?
Me: (W/e I'll never see her again) Yeah...
Girl: I've read it too!
Me: ( :D ) Yeah it's pretty funny.
Girl: It's alright.
Me: (Wtf.)
Girl: My friend's friend showed it to me - it's just kinda funny he knows sucha weird guy.
Me: (Fck you, talking to a stranger about a blog. YOU'RE THE WEIRDO) Hahaha, I guess - he's just being honest y'know?
Girl: Meh. He could write about something else.
Me: (wtf well I don't want YOU to read it) I mean.... w/e.
Girl: huh?
Me: Print. *I get up to go print and walk past her. [Lol I said 'print' to dismiss myself)


WELL RANDOM GIRL I AM THE WRITER.

But at the same time I was glad - people are actually reading my stuff and I know you can't please everyone so...

Note to girl: Walking away from you was rude, and I saw the face you made at me, it was an ugly face. I intended it to be so cause I didn't sleep and you put me in a bad mood. So I apologize, but the half-ass type of apology where I tell you I'm sorry you can have your own opinion but then I go to my friends and justify myself cause you made me mad. HAVE A GOOD DAY

Bad Habits, Half Naked Girls

I've been lazy.

Buncha things to talk about so straight to it
-
So looking back during my spring break I've realized I've developed a bad habit of pointing and laughing. I think I was doing it just to kid around with some people but the habit's REALLY sticking.



So... how do you know if a habit is sticking? I think a sure fire sign is when it just comes out and you think in your head..."Oh damn...can't believe I did that."

For example...

My friend came back for spring break and he gained some weight. Ok...not some he gained a lot lololol like his face got bloated. Right when I saw him I...

1. *High five!
2. "Long time no see!"
3. *Bro-hug!
4. *Look at him...*point HAHA DUDE YOU GOT SO FAT

Lol. It's a wonder there are multiple people wishing for my obesity.

But even more so than friends -

So when I get off the bus I have to cross an intersection to walk to my apartment complex. Usually it's a bunch of students walking together cause classes ended and what not. There was still some snow on a ground so we're all just walking through it and the girl in front of me walking...

1. *steps on something she didn't notice on ground
2. *looks down and observes that she just stepped on a dead goose buried in the snow (lol it's been there for a while)
3. *registers that she just stepped on a pretty big, dead bird.
4. *begins to cry hysterically
5. It is here I pointed and ROFL'd

Haha, I don't know why it was SO FUNNY. I guess just the whole process of watching that unfold... I think what was worse was I was kinda embarrassed so I walked by her really fast but I couldn't hold in my laughter so I'm walking past her laughing like a douche haha. Omg she gave me the most dirty stare. Actually a couple people did... "Oh damn...can't believe I did that." BUT SOMEONE LAUGHED WITH ME probably cause I lol'd. We'll see how this habit pans out I suppose.

More recently,

I've been going to the gym this past week and I think for school volleyball the girls were working out. I must say, some of them were pretty freakin' hot. But as I was running I overheard...

"Omg, fckin' perv I needs to stop staring at my ass."
"Ugh, I hate it when there's too many guys up here."

Understandable. Men are animals, staring at your buttocks. And when you're all bent over straining on weights all hot n' sweaty, it's just rude to stare. Oh yeah - this is what they looked like from behind:



Yah no shit someone's gonna stare you stupid chick. Might as well just spray paint your bare ass and go out running in public. Put some pants on if you're gonna complain...

Or don't cause it's HAWT, errr impedes performance. (srsly how does that crap help anyway -_-)

Eavesdroppin' on baby mama drama

So last night my neighbors were having a party. The only thing I know about my neighbors is that they are black, HUGE, one of them has a girlfriend, and they have a dog. They might be on some sort of U of I sports team cause they always have the gear on...not sure.

So at around 2am, someone at the party was getting into a tussle with a girl and they decided to step outside.

They were yelling and screaming and I didn't pay much mind until about 30 minutes later when I realized I could actually hear them pretty clearly. At this point it was late so I decided what a convenience it would be if I just turned off my light and got into bed and got in on the conversation. (My bed is next to the window, and so what? I was curious.)I must say, I was quite shocked at what I heard.


They didn't say each other's names...so they will just remain guy/girl.

Guy: Girl, you know where I been right?
Girl: ...
Guy: You said you didn't know me before but you know me NOW. You know where I grown up how you gonna act like that?
Girl: But TJ said -
Guy: Oh don't give me that bull about what T said. Fck what T said! This is about you and me girl!
Girl: But people saw you feelin' up that chick at Soma! How am I gonna let that go!?
Guy: I was NOT feelin' her baby! She got up on me and I was being a gentleman and tellin' her no. I won't lie people might have seen my touchin' her but it wasn't like that!

At this I said, oh my God that's not gonna fly.

Girl: Ugh, I told you that ho was tryin' to get up on ya.
Guy: Baby, I'm all for you girl!
Girl: Ugh...

Wtf.

Girl: But you ain't gotta touch her! (she started getting mad again) You makin' me feel like I'm all crazy and paranoid but I have every RIGHT to be. TJ was right I ain't havin' that! [starts walkin' away]
Guy: BABY. Don't you walk away from me girl. You know why I'm callin' you crazy n shit? It's cause you GOT to be crazy not to see my love for you girl! You feel me? You remember?
Girl: What. (like really cold) We both know you ain't committ-id (not committed. commit-id) to US.
Guy: BABY. I AM committed! No way you gonna deny that! You gonna be my baby's mama - that's all there is girl!
Girl: ....*sniff* really?

wtf.

Guy: Girl you know that's how we get down. We gonna do it like that.
Girl: Let's do it now.
Guy: huh?


lol the rest was just him tryin' to get outta that mess but I stopped paying attention cause I had to write this down.




Never tell a girl she's gonna be your baby's mama.

Engagement Presents

Something I got off of http://boston.barstoolsports.com

Like I said.... you never think anyone can see you... til you know someone does








All smiles here!

Shame on You, Slut

A reoccurring thing that happens to me is that I see things that people don't want people to see. Does that make sense? I mean it's not things like masturbating, no one wants anyone to see that unless you're some sort of exhibitionist. It's more along the lines of they don't want the people they know to see what they're doing... acts of unfaithfulness basically. Two instances call out to me the most cause they're so similar.

I only call the people mentioned in this sluts cause what I catch them doing is semi-slutty. K here it is:

My First Slut

My first was towards the end of my senior year in high school - there was some sort of dance going on for all the Korean kids 18 and under and my friend wanted to go...so we went. It was HOT and SWEATY and through the mist of sweat I see an acquaintance's girlfriend grinding up on some dude, not her boyfriend. I mean - no biggie, people do it. I mean this girl was cute -... i just remember her being like 5ft nothing actually.

And THEN 5 minutes later while she is dancing with some dog of a guy humping her ass this other guy walks up to them and starts grinding on her front. Seriously looked like they were trying to start a fire with their crotches from all the rubbing going on down there. Lol and at one point the guy in the front kinda grabs the guy in the back's shirt unknowingly to grind on her harder lolol so they're kinda like sandwiching her using each other as support. Finally, she makes eye contact w/ me, releases herself from the crotches and is like OMGGGGGGGG! blah blah blah plz don't tell. They always make it a big deal - I never say anything. I guess I'm good at giving you a 'shame on you' face.

Muscle Slut

During college I've had various attempts at going to the gym on a consistent basis... never really happens. There was a time where I did go nice and early in the morning for about a week. It's nice cause the gym is virtually empty at the time and you can do whatever. So muscle slut's boyfriend goes to a different school. I know them both...not well but I know them. So I'm going to go bench press and there on one of the benches muscles slut is sitting on top of some guy lying down and she's grinding her ass on top of him. From my angle I was like OMG ARE THEY HAVING SEX?! * go look closer * BUT! she wasn't on his wang. She was on his STOMACH and she was like grinding on his abs? -_- and the story went something like:

"Nooo~~~~~ we're just friends he was just telling me my ass was flabby and I was telling him his stomach was and we were seeing who's was harder [she said firmer but harder sounds better for this story purposes]."

Well m'dear I could tell you clearly from seeing that in terms of hardness it goes [your ass < his abs < his penis]. Lolol it was funny he didn't get up for a bit.

I mean it was so stupid cause there were OTHER people there but when I came they were all wtf... no shame.


I guess it's just funny you don't really think anyone sees until you see someone you know seeing YOU. Slut.

Spam Worthy

Blah lazy.

It's nice to know people are reading my stuff. I get random people telling me "Haha, read your blog did that really happen?" Or my sister would call me and say "Omg Douglas, you're ridiculous!" (like the spell....harry potter). I love the comments, I never respond or delete em cause I like the reactions I get... but what makes me believe that I'm doing something right... is that I'm getting SPAM on my blog!

I mean someone out there programmed something that somehow saw my blog and computed "Y'know, this is worth my RAM space. Let's spam him." And i've been getting a bunch here and there. So I figured I'd share my spam. I picked out the most common one and it's from....

別亂想.

To be REALLY honest I thought it was someone leaving me a comment or link or something to a blog....seriously! lol I have no idea who that is or how to say it - it's in Chinese. igoogle translation made it into - "别乱would like to" So i'm guessing that foreign first part is a name and would like to.... and something naughty. Something naughty because it's PORNO SPAM! HEHEHEHE. I don't really know why I'd get porno spam... and on top of that ASIAN porno spam. Lol this is kind of a crude entry btw =P So of course I clicked on it! and found out it was porn and wtf'd

So here it is - analyzed by yours truly -



What I find the most interesting is that even though it's mostly in Chinese, the KEY points are in understandable to the English reader. You must be 18, as it is highlighted top left. It's obviously an Asian site, girl on left. To enter press the PINK flashy button - I mean c'mon who would make their exit button pink flashing (It was flashing but I took a pic so it's still) and the enter one grey. And something is LIVE - so I'm thinking it's a live web service type of deal.

I did not click further. I mean honestly I woulda explored further but I am deathly afraid of real spam and pop up nonsense or maybe the Chinese government is using their porn sites to get info outta me. WHO KNOWS.

But it was a... nice, reassuring thing to get.... this porno spam of mine.

HEHE

*edit*

I also noticed another spam....
I... can't go to it. url: Emo-boys.com

wtf no thx.

Tiger's #1 Fan

So the whole Tiger thing is kinda old news - the man may or may not be in rehab for being addicted to sex and vicodin/ambien or w/e. But, what has been so beautiful about this tale is how it had unfolded and progressed to my mom - who I believe is his greatest fan, ever.

I believe it was a three part process:

Stage 1: The Accident

Tiger crashes his Caddy. Some speculation on what's happening, his wife is hailed as a hero for kinda saving him from the wreckage....why does she have a golf club in her hand?

Me: Ma - did you hear about Tiger Woods? He got into an accident.
Mom: Ah yes... oh poor Tiger...
Me: People are saying he cheated on his wife and she was trying to kick his ass with a golf club.
Mom: NO. You don't say those things. That's making rumor. Are you a Christian?
Me: Wtf. It's just what the news is saying.
Mom: Don't talk about it.

Stage 2: He's a Cheat

Woods has a mistress and apologizes. Accenture, Gilette, and some other big sponsors drop him.

[I made my mom watch the reports]

Me: All his sponsors dropped him.
Mom: It's okay.
Me: They said it's cause his character doesn't fit them anymore. They said his integrity isn't good for company image.
Mom: They don't know Tiger well. Tiger can come back from anything. (cause she does -_-)
Me: He had a mistress -_-.
Mom: She's a whore. My Tiger can do anything.
Me: wtf.

Stage 3: Tiger and Rehab

Settlement, rehab, etc.

Me: His wife is getting like $300 million bucks
Mom: She's a bad woman.
Me: Mom - he cheated on her, and he's a sex addict.
Mom: She's just GREEDY taking SO MUCH money. She made the rumor. See? You don't do that. Christian doesn't do that.
Me: wtf.
Mom: Tiger is going to rehab because he wants to show people he's CHANGING. When are you going to change and grow up?
Me: wtf.
Mom: ugggggggh, thinking about my son is so stressful. When will you grow and learn to fly (she uses this analogy like a bird leaving the nest and flying)? I can't take care of you forever. Learn to be like Tiger and fly so I don't have to worry.



wtf.

Customer Care - YOU DON'T KNOW

Already busy - bleh. Anyway... I am dedicating an entry to:



Pavlov Media.

Pavlov is the internet provider at my apartment complex - I believe it is also the purple dog that I stabbed in that picture. They are basically a wannabe Comcast/Cablevision company that provides cable tv and internet. BUT THEY'RE SO BAD. SOOOOOOOOOOO BAD. I looked at some forums regarding this company cause I thought it was just my crappy apartment but apparently it's just an all around suck company.

One of the posts from dslreports.com was from a poster named "Pavlov sux dk"

"If at all possible, never get pavlov media as a service provider. Not only does all of their services suck, when you try and talk to someone on the phone you get some poonjab on the other side of the world who has never seen an hdtv or wireless internet devices. They read how to guides off of a computer and have no clue about the actual problem. You can never get an actual technician on the phone nor do they care to fix your problem. AVOID PAVLOV AT ALL COSTS!!!"

Several other posts like this from South Carolina, Florida, Wisconsin, etc.

I have had MANY encounters with Pavlov customer service... and I could definitely understand what people were ranting about. I've called many times in hopes that they would do something after my spam because the internet here cuts out or gets notoriously slow. I am generally a very patient person... until the last showdown I had with my customer care rep, Marcy.

Oh - I guess should explain my approach to customer services. I believe that even though you're frustrated and having problems with w/e service you're getting - if you're really friendly to the customer care rep, they're more inclined to help you. This was not the case with Marcy. I made this call during a 20 hr block of no internet.


Marcy: Hello, thank you for calling Pavlov, this is Marcy. Who am I speaking to?
Me: Doug Cho.
Marcy: Okay, Mr. Chow how can I help you. (Ok, so I SOMETIMES understand when people READ my name and say Chow. But HEARING my name and saying it. Wtf.)
Me: Basically--
Marcy: Is this your first time calling?
Me: Oh no. I think it's my 17th? Haha.
Marcy: There is no need to use sarcasm with me, sir I'm just trying to help. Can I have your phone number so I can view your past logs?
Me: Oh I'm serious! Yeah, it's 123-456-7890
Marcy: ... Oh... you've called quite a few times before.
Me: Yeah... I think 17. Heh. (Still trying to be nice)

(After explaining the situation)

Marcy: We're going to run some tests. Are you using a wired connection or wireless.
Me: I'm using my ethernet cord.
Marcy: No, you have to be plugged into the wall for us to know the cause of the problem.
Me: Yeah, the cord's in the wall.
Marcy: Are you sure you get it? Not the router.
Me: I'm positive.
Marcy: These tests are just wasting time if you're not.
Me: I'm plugged into the wall.
Marcy: Ok. Can you run a speed test for me at the following website: www.speakeasy.com/speedtest
Me: K, I'm trying.
Marcy: And?
Me: It's not loading. I don't think it's going to load y'know?
Marcy: You probably typed the URL wrong. It's W, W, W, - S as in Sigma, P as in Pit, E as in Ear, A as in Alpha, K as in.... K. E as in Ear, A as in Alpha, S as in Sigma, Y as in Yarn.
Me: Well, if I don't have internet, I don't think whatever way I type it it'll load.
Marcy: Can you try yahoo.com? That's W, W, W, Y as in Yes, A as in...
Me: My internet's not connected, I can't go to it.
Marcy: You're not plugged into the wall.
Me: Umm, Yes I am.
Marcy: Do you know what I'm talking about? You don't sound sure.
Me: The long black wire that goes into the port in the wall is in my computer.
Marcy: Okay, now try the speed test.
Me: Is this all we're going to do?
Marcy: It sounds simple but many people like yourself don't know -
Me: NO, IT'S YOU WHO DOESN'T KNOW. *click

And then I threw a chair out my window.