Customer Care - YOU DON'T KNOW

Already busy - bleh. Anyway... I am dedicating an entry to:



Pavlov Media.

Pavlov is the internet provider at my apartment complex - I believe it is also the purple dog that I stabbed in that picture. They are basically a wannabe Comcast/Cablevision company that provides cable tv and internet. BUT THEY'RE SO BAD. SOOOOOOOOOOO BAD. I looked at some forums regarding this company cause I thought it was just my crappy apartment but apparently it's just an all around suck company.

One of the posts from dslreports.com was from a poster named "Pavlov sux dk"

"If at all possible, never get pavlov media as a service provider. Not only does all of their services suck, when you try and talk to someone on the phone you get some poonjab on the other side of the world who has never seen an hdtv or wireless internet devices. They read how to guides off of a computer and have no clue about the actual problem. You can never get an actual technician on the phone nor do they care to fix your problem. AVOID PAVLOV AT ALL COSTS!!!"

Several other posts like this from South Carolina, Florida, Wisconsin, etc.

I have had MANY encounters with Pavlov customer service... and I could definitely understand what people were ranting about. I've called many times in hopes that they would do something after my spam because the internet here cuts out or gets notoriously slow. I am generally a very patient person... until the last showdown I had with my customer care rep, Marcy.

Oh - I guess should explain my approach to customer services. I believe that even though you're frustrated and having problems with w/e service you're getting - if you're really friendly to the customer care rep, they're more inclined to help you. This was not the case with Marcy. I made this call during a 20 hr block of no internet.


Marcy: Hello, thank you for calling Pavlov, this is Marcy. Who am I speaking to?
Me: Doug Cho.
Marcy: Okay, Mr. Chow how can I help you. (Ok, so I SOMETIMES understand when people READ my name and say Chow. But HEARING my name and saying it. Wtf.)
Me: Basically--
Marcy: Is this your first time calling?
Me: Oh no. I think it's my 17th? Haha.
Marcy: There is no need to use sarcasm with me, sir I'm just trying to help. Can I have your phone number so I can view your past logs?
Me: Oh I'm serious! Yeah, it's 123-456-7890
Marcy: ... Oh... you've called quite a few times before.
Me: Yeah... I think 17. Heh. (Still trying to be nice)

(After explaining the situation)

Marcy: We're going to run some tests. Are you using a wired connection or wireless.
Me: I'm using my ethernet cord.
Marcy: No, you have to be plugged into the wall for us to know the cause of the problem.
Me: Yeah, the cord's in the wall.
Marcy: Are you sure you get it? Not the router.
Me: I'm positive.
Marcy: These tests are just wasting time if you're not.
Me: I'm plugged into the wall.
Marcy: Ok. Can you run a speed test for me at the following website: www.speakeasy.com/speedtest
Me: K, I'm trying.
Marcy: And?
Me: It's not loading. I don't think it's going to load y'know?
Marcy: You probably typed the URL wrong. It's W, W, W, - S as in Sigma, P as in Pit, E as in Ear, A as in Alpha, K as in.... K. E as in Ear, A as in Alpha, S as in Sigma, Y as in Yarn.
Me: Well, if I don't have internet, I don't think whatever way I type it it'll load.
Marcy: Can you try yahoo.com? That's W, W, W, Y as in Yes, A as in...
Me: My internet's not connected, I can't go to it.
Marcy: You're not plugged into the wall.
Me: Umm, Yes I am.
Marcy: Do you know what I'm talking about? You don't sound sure.
Me: The long black wire that goes into the port in the wall is in my computer.
Marcy: Okay, now try the speed test.
Me: Is this all we're going to do?
Marcy: It sounds simple but many people like yourself don't know -
Me: NO, IT'S YOU WHO DOESN'T KNOW. *click

And then I threw a chair out my window.

Busy Weekend

[via gchat]

Me: Yo
Sent at 10:59 PM on Saturday
Me: yoyoyoyyoyoyo
Sent at 11:03 PM on Saturday
David: What
Sent at 11:11 PM on Saturday
David: What do you want
David: Hurry up
David: I'm jacking off.
Me: wtff

MLK Catch 22

A quickie:

2010's MLK day was not a good day for me. Woke up with what I believe to be food poisoning. Basically woke up with a huge headache, then realized I had to throw up, then as I was trying to throw up realized I had to poop.

That crap always happens to me. When I have to puke, I have to poop. My body puts the two hand in hand. It's actually a huge dilemma cause if I drop a load I don't want to stick my face into the toilet fulla feces and throw up y'know? It's not even the feces - course I'd flush. I hate the idea of 'fecal matter'. Fecal matter just sounds disgusting. It's also everywhere which is double gross. Fecal matter. *Shiver. Almost as bad as period blood. *Shiver. Ugh I just grossed myself out.

Logically - you puke first, then #2 y'know? Face is out of toilet and it's all good. but it's so hard cause your body contorts all those random muscles to puke. Seriously puking is an ab work out for me. Abs are always sore when I'm done... and also so firm and so nice HAR!! Am I the only one? But then when you poo first and you're pushing and you're all nauseous and hyper sensitive to the stench... just makes you wanna puke!


One time I REALLY had to deuce and I thought I could hold my puke but I couldn't so I thought it'd be smart to lean over while still on the toilet and puke into my bathtub. Body is happy and face isn't shoved into bowl full of feces. Win/win!...


Never puke into your bathtub.



Time to sleep - I'm in my last semester of college. I kinda took two years off from school kinda so I've been here for a while. An ex-girlfriend called me Van Wilder. Like "you're my van wilder". Lol wtf. I laughed but I got mad inside haha. VAN WILDER NO MORE.

wtf Shorts

Just a bunch of things that made me wtf around the time I came back to Illinois from home -

WoW Love

(Doesn't that look like Jennifer Love Hewitt?)

Some 16 yr old was having an online affair over the game World of Warcraft with a fellow 42 year old guildmate. The two would talk over vent (a computer telephone type of thing) and finally she decided to go see him to hook up. I think she thought he was 20. lol

It's crazy cause this actually happens a lot. I actually knew a guy who played with this one couple, a husband and a wife. He was always flirty with the wife and one day while the husband was away for some sort of business he joked that she should drive 4-5 hours to see him. And she did. Imagine that? Getting into a fight in WoW over an item that you want or something and the other guy going "OH YEAH? WELL I BANGED YOUR WIFE." Burn.

There was actually an incident a long time ago on WoW in which a guildmate had actually died in real life. The guild found out and decided to have a funeral for him. (So in wow you can control the appearance of your character - clothes and what not).





So they're having this virtual funeral for him... and then an opposing faction finds out and decides to raid the funeral (basically kill them all in-game.) So his guild died at his virtual funeral -_-

PD....A?"

I take the bus from O'hare airport down to my campus. I was sitting on the coach bus dozing on and off and I turn around cause I hear some giggling. It's dark so you can't see but I could make out this couple like...dry humping and hands and feet and wtf.

My toilet

While I was gone I had my friend house sit for me cause being away from your apartment for a long time makes sketchy people come out. I dunno why he's not particularly large but he takes MONSTER craps. He confessed to clogging my toilet after denying it because I noticed a brand new plunger next to my toilet. It's gotta be in my head or something but my toilet flushes aren't as strong anymore.

Wtf

This guy is Artie Lange. He's Howard Stern's lacky. He tried to kill himself via stabbing. Not cut his wrists or throat, STABBING. wtf. He stabbed himself 9 times. wtf. He's alive. wtf Beast mode.

Makin' Daddy Proud

I'm at the airport - my dad predicted with all the new airport terrorist scares the security would be CRAZY as in: I would be frisked, my luggage would be thrown and strewn about, I would be interrogated for my secret identity.

And... things went as normal lol.

My dad has some interesting views on the world. These usually come up when we're talking about things like Christianity and it leads into the state of the world today. I mean arguing with the guy is hard because he abuses his privilege to not listen to me and just wait til I stop making noise lol. Pops just has high expectations for his son I suppose.

A little taste:

Dad: This terrorism stuff is getting out of hand. You know, everyone was happy with religion before Jesus came along.
Me: Well, he shook things up. But there was still conflict.
Dad: Yeah, that's not cool Christians and Muslims killing each other.
Me: Well, that's only the extremists...
Dad: No. People should get along.
Me: In a perfect world, we'd all get along but conflict is inevitable if you believe in different things.
Dad: Muslims and Christians won't be able to get along.
Me: Well many do but - not those extremists.
Dad: We should compensate and reconcile.
Me: Why?
Dad: For world peace.
Me: But what about the beliefs?
Dad: How would you reconcile Muslim and Christian relations?
Me: Globally?
Dad: Of course.
Me: ....
Dad: You don't know what you're talking about.
Me: You can't ask me that! How am I supposed to know?
Dad: Why not?


I mean there was a lot more to it than that... we talked about things like biopower, the Roman Empire (lol) and rising Muslim populations in blue collar areas in Europe blah blah politics. But his ultimate finishing move is answering this crazy question and when I don't know how to answer it's GG :pose for camera: peace out. I got my dad REALLY ticked off one time cause I couldn't answer... I was on the computer -

Dad: [walks in] You read the news?
Me: Yeah, now and then.
Dad: Sigh. Healthcare situation is terrible here.
Me: Seriously.
Dad: Canada is so much better.
Me: I guess cause it's for everyone.
Dad: How would you fix healthcare in the U.S.?
Me: ....
Dad: You don't read enough news.


I mean the guy reads a lot of news but c'mon. If I knew the answers to those questions I think I'd be chillin in the White House.

Dad: How do you think Newton came up with those kinds of physics laws?
Me: Observation? Genius?
Dad: What do you think went through his head?
Me: Like.. specifically?
Dad: Yeup.
Me: (Ugh)...I really don't know... I mean didn't he make calculus? (So I threw out a random trivia fact I knew to blanket the impact of my "I don't know" it's proven to work. I do it all the time now lol)
Dad: Hmph. You need to think about that more.


Lol he got really mad at me after that one - something like "You waste your time thinking about nonsense!"

Dad: When you worked in Chicago what did you think about the economy?
Me: I mean the DOW dropped like 700 points the first day I worked (I threw that in there cause I knew something was going down. Again the blanket.) - it sucked.
Dad: Geez... that bad huh?
Me: Yeah - it was pretty sad.
Dad: What was the solution you came up with?
Me: ....
Dad: ?
Me: For the recession?
Dad: Yeah.
Me: I don't know what I'd do...
Dad: How do you not know after you worked?


So please, I need your help -
How do I solve Muslim and Christian relations globally?
How do I solve U.S. healthcare problems?
What went through Newton's head when he came up with theories?
What do I need to do to get our economy out of the recession?

Wikipolice

I tried to edit the entry 'Maryland' by putting the word 'penis' in a picture caption.

5 seconds later my edit was deleted. I did it again with something else and again deleted. I then received these PMs for both violations. The man responsible for my capture: a fellow named MANWAY... -



"Such edits constitute vandalism and are reverted." What's interesting is for the words vandalism and reverted he makes them LINKS to the wikipedia entries for the words as I have done here. Most likely a move to make me feel stupid? Bastard got me.

Basically he's saying, "Hey idiot. Quit fckin' editing this or no more wiki for you. Pwn'd." - Love, Manway. (lol I actually tried to MAKE a wiki page for "no more wiki" with a short definition of what that would mean and literally 5 seconds later it got deleted. Wikinerds mean business when it comes to their wiki.)

Sorry, Manway

Parenting 101: The Korean Sex Talk

Happy New Year :)

First entry of 2010 - my mom wants me to make it a good one... apparently.

SO. I'm home for the holidays - a lot's happened I'll talk about it in the future but...this is just something that I must get off my chest.

So my mom decided to sit me down and have the sex talk with me while I'm on break from school. Lol. I love my mom - I mean sometimes she forgets my age but I know she loves me with all her heart. She looks through my facebook sometimes to see any prospective girlfriends and gives me the down and dirty about them based on how big their noses are, how sharp their chins are, foreheads, teeth. It's interesting, maybe it'll come up another time.

Wait.

I gotta describe my dad's attempt at a sex talk first.

I'm sitting on the couch just hanging out watching T.V. and pops sits down next to me. My dad always tries to have this swag about him... so he sits down and -

"So - you been having sex?"

wtf.

Me: uhhh
Dad: Always use a condom. You got me?
Me: ... k
Dad: Good.

That was when I was 19. So almost 5 years later my mom decided it wasn't too late to take a crack at it. So... while we're looking through my facebook for fun -

Me: What about her?
Mom: Nono - she's mmm too dark-skinned.

My mom's not racist and the girl wasn't black, her skin was just dark toned. Ok I take it back, she's a little racist - but the girl really wasn't black.

Me: What's that supposed to mean?
Mom: Dark-skinned girls are too sexual crazy. SOOooo sexually demanding. The man, he comes home and he's so tired from work and they just keep bothering them and bothering them cause they want the sex. It's annoying for the man!
Me: (lol) Really now?
Mom: The dark skin girl always wants to be the sexual and the man is so tired from sex all the time they can't work properly if that happen. Stay away.
Me: ...Ok.
Mom: Why? You like the dark-skinned girls? Do they ask you for sex?
Me: wtf
Mom: You keep them away! I chase them out of my house.






MOM SAYS STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU DARK-SKINNED SEXUAL FIENDS.