Engagement Presents

Something I got off of http://boston.barstoolsports.com

Like I said.... you never think anyone can see you... til you know someone does








All smiles here!

Shame on You, Slut

A reoccurring thing that happens to me is that I see things that people don't want people to see. Does that make sense? I mean it's not things like masturbating, no one wants anyone to see that unless you're some sort of exhibitionist. It's more along the lines of they don't want the people they know to see what they're doing... acts of unfaithfulness basically. Two instances call out to me the most cause they're so similar.

I only call the people mentioned in this sluts cause what I catch them doing is semi-slutty. K here it is:

My First Slut

My first was towards the end of my senior year in high school - there was some sort of dance going on for all the Korean kids 18 and under and my friend wanted to go...so we went. It was HOT and SWEATY and through the mist of sweat I see an acquaintance's girlfriend grinding up on some dude, not her boyfriend. I mean - no biggie, people do it. I mean this girl was cute -... i just remember her being like 5ft nothing actually.

And THEN 5 minutes later while she is dancing with some dog of a guy humping her ass this other guy walks up to them and starts grinding on her front. Seriously looked like they were trying to start a fire with their crotches from all the rubbing going on down there. Lol and at one point the guy in the front kinda grabs the guy in the back's shirt unknowingly to grind on her harder lolol so they're kinda like sandwiching her using each other as support. Finally, she makes eye contact w/ me, releases herself from the crotches and is like OMGGGGGGGG! blah blah blah plz don't tell. They always make it a big deal - I never say anything. I guess I'm good at giving you a 'shame on you' face.

Muscle Slut

During college I've had various attempts at going to the gym on a consistent basis... never really happens. There was a time where I did go nice and early in the morning for about a week. It's nice cause the gym is virtually empty at the time and you can do whatever. So muscle slut's boyfriend goes to a different school. I know them both...not well but I know them. So I'm going to go bench press and there on one of the benches muscles slut is sitting on top of some guy lying down and she's grinding her ass on top of him. From my angle I was like OMG ARE THEY HAVING SEX?! * go look closer * BUT! she wasn't on his wang. She was on his STOMACH and she was like grinding on his abs? -_- and the story went something like:

"Nooo~~~~~ we're just friends he was just telling me my ass was flabby and I was telling him his stomach was and we were seeing who's was harder [she said firmer but harder sounds better for this story purposes]."

Well m'dear I could tell you clearly from seeing that in terms of hardness it goes [your ass < his abs < his penis]. Lolol it was funny he didn't get up for a bit.

I mean it was so stupid cause there were OTHER people there but when I came they were all wtf... no shame.


I guess it's just funny you don't really think anyone sees until you see someone you know seeing YOU. Slut.

Spam Worthy

Blah lazy.

It's nice to know people are reading my stuff. I get random people telling me "Haha, read your blog did that really happen?" Or my sister would call me and say "Omg Douglas, you're ridiculous!" (like the spell....harry potter). I love the comments, I never respond or delete em cause I like the reactions I get... but what makes me believe that I'm doing something right... is that I'm getting SPAM on my blog!

I mean someone out there programmed something that somehow saw my blog and computed "Y'know, this is worth my RAM space. Let's spam him." And i've been getting a bunch here and there. So I figured I'd share my spam. I picked out the most common one and it's from....

別亂想.

To be REALLY honest I thought it was someone leaving me a comment or link or something to a blog....seriously! lol I have no idea who that is or how to say it - it's in Chinese. igoogle translation made it into - "别乱would like to" So i'm guessing that foreign first part is a name and would like to.... and something naughty. Something naughty because it's PORNO SPAM! HEHEHEHE. I don't really know why I'd get porno spam... and on top of that ASIAN porno spam. Lol this is kind of a crude entry btw =P So of course I clicked on it! and found out it was porn and wtf'd

So here it is - analyzed by yours truly -



What I find the most interesting is that even though it's mostly in Chinese, the KEY points are in understandable to the English reader. You must be 18, as it is highlighted top left. It's obviously an Asian site, girl on left. To enter press the PINK flashy button - I mean c'mon who would make their exit button pink flashing (It was flashing but I took a pic so it's still) and the enter one grey. And something is LIVE - so I'm thinking it's a live web service type of deal.

I did not click further. I mean honestly I woulda explored further but I am deathly afraid of real spam and pop up nonsense or maybe the Chinese government is using their porn sites to get info outta me. WHO KNOWS.

But it was a... nice, reassuring thing to get.... this porno spam of mine.

HEHE

*edit*

I also noticed another spam....
I... can't go to it. url: Emo-boys.com

wtf no thx.

Tiger's #1 Fan

So the whole Tiger thing is kinda old news - the man may or may not be in rehab for being addicted to sex and vicodin/ambien or w/e. But, what has been so beautiful about this tale is how it had unfolded and progressed to my mom - who I believe is his greatest fan, ever.

I believe it was a three part process:

Stage 1: The Accident

Tiger crashes his Caddy. Some speculation on what's happening, his wife is hailed as a hero for kinda saving him from the wreckage....why does she have a golf club in her hand?

Me: Ma - did you hear about Tiger Woods? He got into an accident.
Mom: Ah yes... oh poor Tiger...
Me: People are saying he cheated on his wife and she was trying to kick his ass with a golf club.
Mom: NO. You don't say those things. That's making rumor. Are you a Christian?
Me: Wtf. It's just what the news is saying.
Mom: Don't talk about it.

Stage 2: He's a Cheat

Woods has a mistress and apologizes. Accenture, Gilette, and some other big sponsors drop him.

[I made my mom watch the reports]

Me: All his sponsors dropped him.
Mom: It's okay.
Me: They said it's cause his character doesn't fit them anymore. They said his integrity isn't good for company image.
Mom: They don't know Tiger well. Tiger can come back from anything. (cause she does -_-)
Me: He had a mistress -_-.
Mom: She's a whore. My Tiger can do anything.
Me: wtf.

Stage 3: Tiger and Rehab

Settlement, rehab, etc.

Me: His wife is getting like $300 million bucks
Mom: She's a bad woman.
Me: Mom - he cheated on her, and he's a sex addict.
Mom: She's just GREEDY taking SO MUCH money. She made the rumor. See? You don't do that. Christian doesn't do that.
Me: wtf.
Mom: Tiger is going to rehab because he wants to show people he's CHANGING. When are you going to change and grow up?
Me: wtf.
Mom: ugggggggh, thinking about my son is so stressful. When will you grow and learn to fly (she uses this analogy like a bird leaving the nest and flying)? I can't take care of you forever. Learn to be like Tiger and fly so I don't have to worry.



wtf.