I've always had this thing for eavesdropping on people... I don't know I think it's just interesting jumping in on a person's conversation at a random point. This is especially when you're walking by people at the mall or on the street cause you always just get a random sentence or two. For example one of the more memorable moments was when I was walking with my friend at school and we passed some really, really huge guys and I caught:
".... - I REALLY wanted those balls in my mouth so bad."
lol wtf.
Recently I took a trip to south Jersey... and we were just sitting on some benches and I hear some parents talking with their kid and the conversation goes something like :
Little boy: I want a lolli! Can I get a lolli? I'll eat it after dinnuh!
Mom: Aww that's so cute. What do you think Bill?
Dad: (I believe he was texting or checking the score of the Flyer's game) Nah. That stuff's full of shit. You don't wanna eat that champ.
Wow. So I'm just kinda... that's a really blunt dad y'know? I don't have the cleanest mouth but traditionally it was just "Watch your mouth son!" clean the mouth with a bar of soap kind of crap. And then..
Mom: Yeah, he's right. That stuff IS fulla shit. Plus you have new teeth growing in. Baby you don't want that shit in your mouth.
Little boy: (just kinda frolics away) K!
I mean you can tell they care about their kid...I guess they figure he's gonna swear anyway.
And then you have parents that let their kids end up like THIS:
Baby, you don't want that shit in your mouth.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Homecoming Adventure with Denise Squared
I got home yesterday. Oh man - it was pretty hectic. I had a couple interviews in the Chicago area a few days before and then after that I decided to go celebrate with David and his roommate cause I GRADUATED ZOMGGGGGGGGGG
We went to a bar called Starbusters where they were having karaoke night - the kind of karaoke people go up and sing in front of the bar. I call it white person's karaoke. I must say - it's pretty awesome. Anyhoo - got home late and realized I had to leave David's place at 730 ish so I had to wake up at 630 to pack. Slept at 3... was not fun.
Woke up hung over - so as David drove me I had to ask him to pull over to puke. Of course of all places he takes me to a church parking lot. That wasn't weird. But then I had to take a massive dump.
I ALWAYS HAVE TO DUMP WHEN I HAVE TO PUKE. UGHHHHHH If I puke then the stomach contracting makes me shart my pants and if I dump first the smell makes me wanna puke and then I'm sticking my face into a bowl of crap. I've talked about this. But always always :( as we were driving I was literally looking at the ditches on the side of the road and thinking if I could do my business there. Terrible.
Finally - get to the airport.
So I usually fly American. I go to the American terminal at O'hare (#3) and swipe my credit card and look for my info. Computer wasn't finding it - so I asked the lady, Denise.
Me: Hey! It's not finding my flight information? (I said this in the most friendly way a hungover and sickly feeling person could say)
Denise: Mmmhmm - gimme a sec. What's your last name?
Me: Cho, C-h-o
Denise: First name, Mr. Chow? (Serious?)
Me: Douglas. My flight's at 10:24
Denise: -scanning computer- Psh. There's no 10:24 flight. You got the wrong airline.
Me: Wtf? Can you check for me please?
Denise: Mmmhmm. How can you forget which airline you flying?
Ok fine. Yeah I forgot which airline but in my defense - it's been 5 months since I really looked at my flight stuff and I really do usually fly American.
Me: .... Just a really hectic morning, heh. Could you PLEASE check for me?
Denise: Mmmhmm...sec - can't believe you forgot your airline.
Omg get over it. And I realized "Mmmhmm" is another way of saying a mix of "I don't believe you" and "I don't really care." and "I don't give a shit." all at once.
Denise: You're flying U.S. Airways. Seriously - you gotta quit forgettin' that kind of easy stuff.
Doug: W/E
I seriously woulda given her a piece of my mind but she had information I needed... I should've anyway BECAUSE:
I was NOT flying U.S. Airways. I walked to the next terminal (#2) swipe my card find out that my shit's not there so I call my sister and she finds it online - I'm flying United. Wtf. Fck you, Denise.
Go to the NEXT terminal (#1) so by now I've walked the span of O'hare. Get to United and I find out I can't check my bag in cause 40 minutes before is too late. So now I'm just pacing around grumbling to myself and I happen to stand on the red carpet that United has. If you go to the airport it's literally a 5 by 3 ft piece of red carpet on the ground. Apparently it's for VIPs. This lady kind of appears from behind the wall and tells me to follow her - so I do and she takes me to this like small marble encased room where everything is shiny and nice and there I explain my situation.
Immediately she looks at me and goes - "Regina! Haha, Regina's my right hand girl." And then Regina appears out of no where. "This man needs a late check in - please handle it." She looks at me "Okay, Mr. Chow you're all set to go." I won't hold it against her even though I spelled it and said it for her too. And then Regina takes my bag and puts this bad boy on it:
United is pretty awesome.
And then the lady takes me to this door and combines with the army line and rich person like that cuts ahead of everyone else. That was awesome. But of course, being all caught up in everything/hungover I left one of my carry on bags prior to the security check-in point. So I'm past the security debating if I should abandon my bag cause I have 15 minutes to board and then I turn around - and what do you know this security lady is sifting through my bag cause it was unattended luggage =)
Me: Hey! That's mine!
Denise: Mmmhmm. (yes her name was Denise as well -_-) How do I know this is your bag?
Me: There's a blue overcoat in it, a black blazer and many dress shirts.
Denise: That's bout right I GUESS. Don't you know how we treat unattended luggage? How you gonna forget this?
Me: I know... I just...
Ugh gimme a fckin break.
Denise: Mmmhmm Don't you hear the voice on the intercom that repeats itself about unattended luggage?
Me: Yes. (one word answer means she can't continue to lecture)
Denise: sigh *eyeroll - here you go..
All the Denises in the world need to lecture me apparently. WHATEVER. I got my bag back and then make a mad dash to gate B22 which obviously is at the WAY END. Get on the plane, life is good, a little worried about bags but w/e. Close my eyes... and then - this hulk of a woman comes to me.
Hulk: I believe I have the aisle, and *point* you have the window.
Me: Ahh gotcha. * I move over *
I close my eyes try to rest... and I get this nasty lead smelling splash of air into my face. I realize that my lovely fat seat mate had decided to open my air vent. I was not having this. I slowly, ever so carefully reached up for it and twisted it close - and as I did her fat head slowly turned to me to watch and said, "Well that's not nice." And then we locked eyes. At this point I'm tired, hungover, sweaty, and this plane is about to take off and I don't give a fck about what happens so I gave her the craziest look that I could muster and just stared straight back at her like "I will eat you alive, woman." and we have this staring contest for about 7 seconds. She concedes. I sleep. I'm home. GG.
We went to a bar called Starbusters where they were having karaoke night - the kind of karaoke people go up and sing in front of the bar. I call it white person's karaoke. I must say - it's pretty awesome. Anyhoo - got home late and realized I had to leave David's place at 730 ish so I had to wake up at 630 to pack. Slept at 3... was not fun.
Woke up hung over - so as David drove me I had to ask him to pull over to puke. Of course of all places he takes me to a church parking lot. That wasn't weird. But then I had to take a massive dump.
I ALWAYS HAVE TO DUMP WHEN I HAVE TO PUKE. UGHHHHHH If I puke then the stomach contracting makes me shart my pants and if I dump first the smell makes me wanna puke and then I'm sticking my face into a bowl of crap. I've talked about this. But always always :( as we were driving I was literally looking at the ditches on the side of the road and thinking if I could do my business there. Terrible.
Finally - get to the airport.
So I usually fly American. I go to the American terminal at O'hare (#3) and swipe my credit card and look for my info. Computer wasn't finding it - so I asked the lady, Denise.
Me: Hey! It's not finding my flight information? (I said this in the most friendly way a hungover and sickly feeling person could say)
Denise: Mmmhmm - gimme a sec. What's your last name?
Me: Cho, C-h-o
Denise: First name, Mr. Chow? (Serious?)
Me: Douglas. My flight's at 10:24
Denise: -scanning computer- Psh. There's no 10:24 flight. You got the wrong airline.
Me: Wtf? Can you check for me please?
Denise: Mmmhmm. How can you forget which airline you flying?
Ok fine. Yeah I forgot which airline but in my defense - it's been 5 months since I really looked at my flight stuff and I really do usually fly American.
Me: .... Just a really hectic morning, heh. Could you PLEASE check for me?
Denise: Mmmhmm...sec - can't believe you forgot your airline.
Omg get over it. And I realized "Mmmhmm" is another way of saying a mix of "I don't believe you" and "I don't really care." and "I don't give a shit." all at once.
Denise: You're flying U.S. Airways. Seriously - you gotta quit forgettin' that kind of easy stuff.
Doug: W/E
I seriously woulda given her a piece of my mind but she had information I needed... I should've anyway BECAUSE:
I was NOT flying U.S. Airways. I walked to the next terminal (#2) swipe my card find out that my shit's not there so I call my sister and she finds it online - I'm flying United. Wtf. Fck you, Denise.
Go to the NEXT terminal (#1) so by now I've walked the span of O'hare. Get to United and I find out I can't check my bag in cause 40 minutes before is too late. So now I'm just pacing around grumbling to myself and I happen to stand on the red carpet that United has. If you go to the airport it's literally a 5 by 3 ft piece of red carpet on the ground. Apparently it's for VIPs. This lady kind of appears from behind the wall and tells me to follow her - so I do and she takes me to this like small marble encased room where everything is shiny and nice and there I explain my situation.
Immediately she looks at me and goes - "Regina! Haha, Regina's my right hand girl." And then Regina appears out of no where. "This man needs a late check in - please handle it." She looks at me "Okay, Mr. Chow you're all set to go." I won't hold it against her even though I spelled it and said it for her too. And then Regina takes my bag and puts this bad boy on it:
United is pretty awesome.
And then the lady takes me to this door and combines with the army line and rich person like that cuts ahead of everyone else. That was awesome. But of course, being all caught up in everything/hungover I left one of my carry on bags prior to the security check-in point. So I'm past the security debating if I should abandon my bag cause I have 15 minutes to board and then I turn around - and what do you know this security lady is sifting through my bag cause it was unattended luggage =)
Me: Hey! That's mine!
Denise: Mmmhmm. (yes her name was Denise as well -_-) How do I know this is your bag?
Me: There's a blue overcoat in it, a black blazer and many dress shirts.
Denise: That's bout right I GUESS. Don't you know how we treat unattended luggage? How you gonna forget this?
Me: I know... I just...
Ugh gimme a fckin break.
Denise: Mmmhmm Don't you hear the voice on the intercom that repeats itself about unattended luggage?
Me: Yes. (one word answer means she can't continue to lecture)
Denise: sigh *eyeroll - here you go..
All the Denises in the world need to lecture me apparently. WHATEVER. I got my bag back and then make a mad dash to gate B22 which obviously is at the WAY END. Get on the plane, life is good, a little worried about bags but w/e. Close my eyes... and then - this hulk of a woman comes to me.
Hulk: I believe I have the aisle, and *point* you have the window.
Me: Ahh gotcha. * I move over *
I close my eyes try to rest... and I get this nasty lead smelling splash of air into my face. I realize that my lovely fat seat mate had decided to open my air vent. I was not having this. I slowly, ever so carefully reached up for it and twisted it close - and as I did her fat head slowly turned to me to watch and said, "Well that's not nice." And then we locked eyes. At this point I'm tired, hungover, sweaty, and this plane is about to take off and I don't give a fck about what happens so I gave her the craziest look that I could muster and just stared straight back at her like "I will eat you alive, woman." and we have this staring contest for about 7 seconds. She concedes. I sleep. I'm home. GG.
Friday, May 14, 2010
CELEBRATION!!!!!!
Quick entry cause things are going crazy -
Finally finished up with undergrad!!! Took my last final...been hittin' up the bars in celebrationnnnnn!!! Got a couple interviews right after graduation...hopefully they will be ok.
It's interesting cause everyone is so hyped up with being done with finals and what not there's almost this tension in the air cause people wanna go wild. All good though.
My folks are coming down right now - NOT in the best mood cause there's crazy traffic... I fear for the hostility that will arise from that. A phone call just 10 minutes ago:
Me: Hey dad.
Dad: Hey.
Me: So what's go-
Dad: We're going to be there late cause there's really bad road construction going on right now.
Me: Oh really? How long do you thin-
Dad: How do you think I'll know how long with this kind of traffic? We're CRAWLING. CRAWLING along.
Me: How far are yo-
Dad: I have NO idea how far we are
Sister: (In the background) 66 MILES!
Dad: 66 Miles away. CRAWLING.
Me: Should I change the dinner reser-
Dad: CRAWLING. You change the dinner reservation we're going to be late.
Me: K.
Dad: This traffic is crazy. See you soon.
Me: K.
All good. I am prepared. I have been celebrating all week and I have some pics of some other people celebrating with me... two in particular. I must say though... it's crazy what you see with a camera flash.
The first:
CELEBRATION!!!!!!!!! This guy straddled this chick on a wheelchair and was trying to make out with her. I was pretending to take a picture of myself, yes. I was gonna caption up this picture but... I don't know it kinda bothered me. The guy wiping? his hand on his chest was preppin' to start celebrating with the chick in front of him.
gonna have to click this one to make it bigger
Lol. Big girls need love too. I envision him saying something like "You ain't goin' no where baby girl." and she's like "Oh yeah? You think you can stop me?! Come get it play boy." and he's like "OH BABY! Come to daddy big mama" and then they made out like crazy (which is what caught my eye in the first place). From the look on his face you know he's ready for THE CELEBRATION!!!!!!!!!!!
Finally finished up with undergrad!!! Took my last final...been hittin' up the bars in celebrationnnnnn!!! Got a couple interviews right after graduation...hopefully they will be ok.
It's interesting cause everyone is so hyped up with being done with finals and what not there's almost this tension in the air cause people wanna go wild. All good though.
My folks are coming down right now - NOT in the best mood cause there's crazy traffic... I fear for the hostility that will arise from that. A phone call just 10 minutes ago:
Me: Hey dad.
Dad: Hey.
Me: So what's go-
Dad: We're going to be there late cause there's really bad road construction going on right now.
Me: Oh really? How long do you thin-
Dad: How do you think I'll know how long with this kind of traffic? We're CRAWLING. CRAWLING along.
Me: How far are yo-
Dad: I have NO idea how far we are
Sister: (In the background) 66 MILES!
Dad: 66 Miles away. CRAWLING.
Me: Should I change the dinner reser-
Dad: CRAWLING. You change the dinner reservation we're going to be late.
Me: K.
Dad: This traffic is crazy. See you soon.
Me: K.
All good. I am prepared. I have been celebrating all week and I have some pics of some other people celebrating with me... two in particular. I must say though... it's crazy what you see with a camera flash.
The first:
CELEBRATION!!!!!!!!! This guy straddled this chick on a wheelchair and was trying to make out with her. I was pretending to take a picture of myself, yes. I was gonna caption up this picture but... I don't know it kinda bothered me. The guy wiping? his hand on his chest was preppin' to start celebrating with the chick in front of him.
gonna have to click this one to make it bigger
Lol. Big girls need love too. I envision him saying something like "You ain't goin' no where baby girl." and she's like "Oh yeah? You think you can stop me?! Come get it play boy." and he's like "OH BABY! Come to daddy big mama" and then they made out like crazy (which is what caught my eye in the first place). From the look on his face you know he's ready for THE CELEBRATION!!!!!!!!!!!
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