the fam

In light of father's day... decided to drop a post on some old and new things about my family.

My mom -

She's hilarious. She's a little woman with a lil poofy fro and she never fails to surprise me. In high school I used to pretend I was doing projects at my neighbors house but we'd just go into his basement and play N64. I guess she caught on after the 4th week of doing a project cause she was spying on us through the little half window that's on the ground level looking down into the basement.

Friend: (looks up) dude is that your mom?
Me: Huh? Nah.

And then I see a little poofy fro hiding behind a bush.

Me: That's my mom.

Or more recently...I like to interrupt my sister midsentence by saying 'vagina' obnoxiously loud. Kinda like....

Sister: (to my mom) So when I was going to -
Me: Vagina.
Sister: ...work I saw -
Me: Vaginaaaaaaa
Sister: Douglas. I saw
Me: Va-haaaaaaaaa-gina.
Mom: Douglas - you don't speak like that.
Sister: That's disgusting, Douglas. I saw a...
Mom: Testicle!

Lol.


My sister -

She's like....another mom. Even though sometimes she's a little clueless she's funny. She's the smart one. So my folks tend to yell at me heRE and there and nag me cause I'm not really doing anything or I'm not accomplished or I've been lazy blah blah.

Dad: (yelling at me cause I've been lazy and stuff) RAHHHHH!!!! RAAAAAAH!!!
Me: Sorry, dad I'll handle it.
Sister: Remember that one time you did this and that? That's just like this time!
Me: Oh wtf.
Dad: ...OHHHHHHHH YEAHHHH! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

So she throws me under the bus now n then... I do believe it's unintentional. Whenever I confront her and tell her she should just shuttup she gives me:

"Douglas, you never learn. You have to learn."

More recently...I slept on the couch when my folks went on a cruise cause it's cooler downstairs, but while sleeping on it I pulled off one of the couch buttons by accident. I told my sister don't tell them - she has kept this secret. When the folks came back she tattled on me about something and I accused her of being a tattle tale.

Mom and dad are sitting some 10 feet away from us.

Me: You're a tattle (walks to living room/sits on couch w/ button)
Sister: How am I tattle! I didn't tell then about the cou-... mmmm.
Me: yeah? About what?
Sister: -_-

Born to tell on me. She can't help it just WIRED to do it.


My dad -

Where to begin? He's my dad. He used to be the TERROR. The wielder of the stick. But he's mellowed out a bit. He likes to sit down and blabber on about things I need to do and how I need to live. For instance - a salary job is undesirable because it'll just cap my ability to make money. How would I solve the oil crisis? What would I do to address the environmental and economic repercussions? lol... answering that stuff is so gay.

I think his restaurant manners are atrocious... something I will elaborate on another post but one such instance is...when you call over a waiter... you kind of just raise your hand and say "excuse me" y'know? what he does is he makes eye contact and goes



and says "Hey. You come here" lolol

He's just that kinda guy...and he hasn't failed to scare the people that stay over my house. There was one instance my friend slept on the couch - my dad just kinda stood over him at like 8am and watched him until he woke up. I do not know why...

He's retiring soon so... I really don't know what he's gonna do with his time/energy... oh boy I need to move out soon. Happy Father's Day.