Parenting 101: The Korean Method

It doesn't come as a surprise for me when I have conversations about parents with Korean friends - or even Asian (and black) friends for that matter, that we have something in common. Something that reigns prevalent within the parenting of minorities is beating your kids. (As Russel Peters would put it). However, I'm astonished to see how similar the method and interactions of parents towards their children is b/w Korean adults.

And I have to come to the realization there IS a guide book. Maybe it's lodged somewhere in that THICK korean/english black leather bound Bible Mom has in between the Scripture and the hymn section (Yeah you know it's there), maybe not, but it's somewhere.

I will brief you who are not totally aware of this method - perhaps so you can do it to your own children, I know I probably will cite some of this text because I must say - being a Korean parent has some perks.



I wasn't sure on how to divvy this section up - I was thinking about doing it along the lines of age, however, it takes too much thought and I never think about what I"m going to write (too lazy) I just write it. So I'm just going to go into basic method, as this is titled 101.

Child Rearing

Hit 'em when they go bad. Breaking promises is not an issue. I remember I got caught stealing a pack of gum and I got caught chewing it. Damn you Hawaiian Punch gum... I RAN to the bathroom and locked myself in there. I was 5. I thought I was smart cause I made a deal with my dad through the door. "Don't hit me ok? and I'll come out." and of course he promised. And then he beat my ass with a golf club. Darn.

Haha another time when I was about to get it the deck door was open so I intentionally started hollering at the open screen door. My dad's pretty sharp. He saw where my eyes were looking and ran at the door and shut it. It's kinda funny...

And then there's a maneuver Korean adults enjoy using called "Gakoo Wa." It translates into "Bring it and come back." You know what IT is. Basically they're saying "Bring the thing I'm gonna hit your ass with and come back here so I can hit you." I would always try to bring him soft plastic things and pretend I was horrified of them. And of course they mean IT. THe default weapon.



Whether they've used it on or not, all Korean parents are masters of this weapon. Tae Kwon Do, Kendo, and shoe horn beating are martial arts taught in Korea.
I actually know someone whose dad pulled this and then had his SON hit HIM with it because he said "It's because I'm a bad father." GEEZ way to put a sick twist on the method. You know he took the 300 lvl class hidden inside that huge black shiny cabinet w/ ivory lookin design.

But I've always wondered what if I brought back my dad a big KNIFE or a WRENCH just to mess with 'em. lol too risky...

Conversation

As a Korean parent, you never REALLY truly listen to your child. I mean - it's impossible NOT to pick up a word here and there cause the little bugger is talking to you - but you just want to say what you have to say and get over with it. (Don't take me wrong, this is not that Korean adults hate spending time with their children, it's just boring listening when YOU could be doing the talking.)

Now this rule reigns true especially for arguing. I for one can honestly easily out logic my father and mother. Not that they're dumb, but because sometimes what they say (a lotta the times) is unreasonable.

Me: Mom school's out I have NOTHING TO STUDY. I have a month vacation!
Mom: You have to take your free time to STUDY it's PRODUCTIVE.
Me: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO STUDY!
Mom: Don't raise your voice.
Me: I don't even know what I'm going to study.
Mom: You should find books on what you have to study.
Me: Mom, what did I just say.
Mom: ...huh?
Me: Umma~ my love. What did I just say.
Mom: That doesn't matter. Go study.


You see, she's just using a technique which we will call "Deaf Ears" and "Does not Matter". This way what she says is final, and what you say "doesn't matter."

My father, is a master of submission. Not only does he use "Deaf Ears" and "Does not Matter", he uses the "Interrupt What YOu Say" and "Reiterate Yourself So Much Even When Proven Wrong That You are Right."

Our family is on a family cell phone plan. Our minutes are not partitioned in any real way so it's first come first serve. And when we go over minutes, the person that uses the minutes that are over the most gets hit with the bill. I was hit with the bill and a raging father called me.

Me: Hi Dad!
Dad: LOOK AT THIS PHONE BILL WHY DO YOU WASTE LIKE THIS?!
Me: HUH?! I just talk and text!
Dad: NO. YOU OBVIOUSLY ABUSE. (no grammar error) LOOK AT YOUR BILL. COMPARED TO ME AND PATRICIA (sister) SO HIGH. AGHHHHHHHHHH (the high pitched flemmy sound they make) HOW CAN I PAY FOR THIS. THIS BILL IS CRAZY YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY.
Me: Maybe it was minute overage? From the family plan?!
Dad: No. I'm calling the company now to see what's up.

10 min later.

Dad: It was overage from the family plan.
Me: AHhh see? I didn't do that.
Dad: But you have to be more repsonsible! How can we live in this kind of times? We have to be economical!
Me: Dad I know bu-
Dad: You have to take a certain responsibility in order to help our family! That's your ROLE as a member! We can't just pay pay pay these kind of things.
Me: Exactly, I TOTALLY agr-
Dad: YOu need to learn as you grow up as a man, you need to live like that with your OWN family.
Me: Yeah, you're totally right dad bu-
Dad: These sort of things canNOT be ignored you understand me?

-TOTAL SUBMISSION- *ding ding ding

Me: Yes.

And a 2 hr conversation ensues in which father uses the words in all forms: responsible, economy, money, family. And I say yes to all of them.

Oh geez I could go on and on. That's all I'll write on the subject for now as it is late. I'll try to update sooner. Until next time :D Don't argue with your folks!