So the whole Tiger thing is kinda old news - the man may or may not be in rehab for being addicted to sex and vicodin/ambien or w/e. But, what has been so beautiful about this tale is how it had unfolded and progressed to my mom - who I believe is his greatest fan, ever.
I believe it was a three part process:
Stage 1: The Accident
Tiger crashes his Caddy. Some speculation on what's happening, his wife is hailed as a hero for kinda saving him from the wreckage....why does she have a golf club in her hand?
Me: Ma - did you hear about Tiger Woods? He got into an accident.
Mom: Ah yes... oh poor Tiger...
Me: People are saying he cheated on his wife and she was trying to kick his ass with a golf club.
Mom: NO. You don't say those things. That's making rumor. Are you a Christian?
Me: Wtf. It's just what the news is saying.
Mom: Don't talk about it.
Stage 2: He's a Cheat
Woods has a mistress and apologizes. Accenture, Gilette, and some other big sponsors drop him.
[I made my mom watch the reports]
Me: All his sponsors dropped him.
Mom: It's okay.
Me: They said it's cause his character doesn't fit them anymore. They said his integrity isn't good for company image.
Mom: They don't know Tiger well. Tiger can come back from anything. (cause she does -_-)
Me: He had a mistress -_-.
Mom: She's a whore. My Tiger can do anything.
Me: wtf.
Stage 3: Tiger and Rehab
Settlement, rehab, etc.
Me: His wife is getting like $300 million bucks
Mom: She's a bad woman.
Me: Mom - he cheated on her, and he's a sex addict.
Mom: She's just GREEDY taking SO MUCH money. She made the rumor. See? You don't do that. Christian doesn't do that.
Me: wtf.
Mom: Tiger is going to rehab because he wants to show people he's CHANGING. When are you going to change and grow up?
Me: wtf.
Mom: ugggggggh, thinking about my son is so stressful. When will you grow and learn to fly (she uses this analogy like a bird leaving the nest and flying)? I can't take care of you forever. Learn to be like Tiger and fly so I don't have to worry.
wtf.
6 comments:
dude, your mom doesn't talk like a normal korean mom... so weird...
seriously doug, when're you going to learn to fly?
UNCE UNCE UNCE UNCE UNCE
lol the last time i had a serious conversation... my mom said the same thing... i gotta be like a bird and fly...
When did she say this??
She doesn't respect Tiger, but she still thinks he's an awesome player. There's a distinction in that.
meh, 5. that was arbitrary.
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