Thoughts, probably ones that will offend you

New Blog

2011-01-07T12:25:00.001-08:00

First post in 2011!... sad.

This blog is prettier -

http://averagechos.wordpress.com

Just didn't make it

2010-12-06T11:29:00.000-08:00

I was looking back at old cartoons I used to watch cause of the whole Facebook "make your profile picture an old cartoon you used to watch" thing that's going on, and I realized...there were a good number of shows that just came and went. After careful deliberation, I made my decision for my picture, (I chose Animaniacs not only for its great humor but also its educational aspects such as the Nations of the World song and as my friend Tyson pointed out The Brain song sung by The Brain) but I did go through many cartoons that didn't make it. It's sad to remember that at one point in my life, I believed these shows were phenomenal. Here are a few:

Mutant League

Bones Justice and company. I still believe this show was pretty good - but it didn't last long at all. This was about mutants pitted against each other in a do or die sports arena. Did I mention EXCELLENT SHOW? Mutant League Football for Sega was also a wonderful time-suck.

Swat Kats

The Radical Squadron. Two cat mechanics are secretly pro pilots of a super-awesome fighter jet and go into kombat to fight an evil cat lord. Great premise anyone? This cartoon ate Duck Tales and deficated Dark Wing Duck.

Samurai Pizza Cats

Another Cat themed fighting show. This show was garbage but it was animated and the main cat had a sword. Auto-watch.

Biker Mice From Mars

Three roided out mice that ride space travelling Harley's come from Mars to battle evil on Earth. I do recall for some reason someone decided to make a PS2 game based on it years later - a disappointment to say the least.

Street Sharks

4 guys get captured and injected with shark genes by a mad scientist and turn into muscle headed, crime fighting sharks. "GENETIC MELTDOWN!!!"

There were a few other shows such as the Tick and Freakazoid that came to mind - but they did last a little longer than the shows previously mentioned and belong in a different category (they were decent). However, there was a "real people" show that not many recall and I made sure to watch it every week as a youth.

WMAC Masters.

The video says it all.

Live action martial arts with dialogue and a storyline. The WWF of martial arts. Someone told me the hostess is a relative of Bruce Lee. Not too sure about that, but when the ninjas come out and the fighters get a life bar like in video games I went bat-shit crazy for the show.

Waking up at the crack of dawn on Saturday to watch cartoons seems like such a foreign idea now... sad. Toodles :(

Finish the week with a blast

2010-12-03T19:05:00.000-08:00

- I finished work at 9:00pm today. :(
- I got free dinner and am going to be paid a sizable amount of over time. :)
- Dinner consisted of Philly cheese steak, jalapeño poppers, pizza fries, onion rings, "fire strips" (spicy chicken). My taste buds squealed with delight. :)
- I was given my own limo home paid by the company for another late night. :)
- I farted in the car 20 minutes into my 40 minute journey home and 5 minutes later my driver ever so carefully turned on the A/C and cracked his window. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that it's 30 degrees out and winter. :(

:(....toodles

The Monday After

2010-11-29T12:15:00.000-08:00

The strange thing about going into this past holiday was that I had placed my excitement not in the actual holiday, but rather in the Monday of the abridged week. I suppose the looking FORWARD to the holiday was more comforting than actually seeing it go by. Some things to update on during the thankful festivities:

1. My family reads my blog. At least a few do. Which is nice to know but...following my last post the topic of discussion was, "Did you really poop your pants?" It's hard to stand dignified at that point. Nonetheless, I stood my ground and with shoulders back, head cocked and eyes ablaze (Indeed, they were blazed. Blazen? Blazing. Now it sounds like a drug habit.) I responded with what pride and dignity I could muster, "Yes. I DID poop my pants." And then I put my arm around my girlfriend who was visiting my family for the holiday. A proud moment for the both of us. (A side note - there was some skepticism regarding the details of my homeless rescuer. I challenge you NOT to find my substance abusing toilet paper provider.)

2. I am no longer a "cool, young" relative as my cousin's 5 year old son (so what does that make him? Just cousin?) pays no mind to me but has eyes of adoration for the cousin who is now in high school. In actuality, there are times when he responds to me very defensively - the type of response you learn from the DARE officers when approached by a sex offender. For instance, I had approached him to give him a hug and he so very curtly put both his hands up palms facing me, closed his eyes and turned his head. "PLEASE. I do not appreciate you touching me." NO means NO as some would say. Granted I do not spend enough time to know or have a relationship with the child in which he would remember my name or face but even so...it made me sad.

3. Did NOT get ridiculously inebriated this time around. In fact, I did everything I could NOT to. Last year, due a certain amount of pride, I had left out the fact that I puked my face off after returning home from my festively thankful holiday event. This year, I was careful to:

a. Stay away from hard liquor.
b. Not to mix my drinks. THIS WAS KEY!

I believe last year's power vomit was fueled from a few cans of sake that my cousin's husband had graciously fed to me. That and beer and mixed drink and bourbon.

I stuck to beer. However, post thankful feasting I had acquired quite a migraine. I began to panic and went over what I liquids I had consumed. Beer...beer....beer...water...beer. And of course there were silly thoughts such as: Does the mixing of organic and non-organic beer cause a poor reaction in the body!? Or perhaps was it the mixing of ales from different seasons!?

All but a minor speed bump as I made it through the night with my stomach in tact.

The rest of the holiday weekend was spent taking my girlfriend to various places in NYC and around my neighborhood in which we enjoyed each other's company. And now... it is the Monday after. This Monday is particularly hard due to the fact that because the weekend was prolonged, I was simply just getting used to not doing work. The regular weekend comes and goes far too quickly for this kind of effect to take place. Like a girl who takes me for a one night stand and disappears into the night while I slumber... was she ever really there? Where do you go, my weekend? Where do you go? I want to know.

Furthermore, I just found out that I am to work on New Year's Eve. Wonderful.

I'm considering moving my blog to a different site that offers more...OPTIONS. Basically, I'm beginning to tire of deleting the unrelenting chinese porn site and penis enhancement comment spam on my blog. More on that later.

Toodles.

A Crappy Return to Blogging

2010-11-22T06:52:00.000-08:00

Never did I think that I would write a post that would tread the lines of self-deprecation...but w/e. I am at work. Why am I blogging at work?

1. I think it's blog worthy
2. I don't want to remember this later in the day.

In short, I've been busy and too lazy/tired to blog. I had this whole blog about an introduction to where I work and blah blah blah but I believe that it could get me in trouble and it's really not worth the time to put up so we're skipping that. I'm at work. I work in Manhattan on 53rd and 6th. I commute to work via NJ Transit bus. Those are the facts. So here's the timeline of my day:

6:00am - I wake up to my alarm for an attempt to go to gym.
6:01am - Set alarm to 7am go to sleep.
6:50am - Mom wakes me up. I turn off alarm that was supposed to go off at 7 and take shower.
7:00am - Still in bed. Go take a shower.
7:15am - Washed up, dress up, get ready.
7:35am - Eat breakfast. It consists of one boiled egg and 2 pieces of whole wheat toast with cream cheese. Every morning. Literally.
7:45am - Poop.
7:50am - Get rushed out the door by my mom and go to bus stop and get on the 8am bus.

From this bus it takes me approximately 1 to 1.5 hours to get to work. On the bus I take out my iPod and take a nap. So of course, today I did the same. About 20 minutes into my nap, I woke up and said 'Uh oh.' Wait. I must backtrack 40 minutes. Today, while I was taking my poo my mom was hollering "GONNA BE LATE GONNA BE LATE." so I took a half poo. Return to the bus: 'Uh oh.'

It was nothing big. Just that little message where your stomach is like "Hey, it's going to be time soon." So I tided this wave out and decided going back to sleep would be the best decision. 20 minutes later, still approaching the Lincoln Tunnel I woke up yet again, but this time to an infuriated intestine. I've never experienced such volatility from my stomach. And from here the torturous clenching of my gluts began. I was squeezing so fiercely that my leg began to twitch. The Lincoln Tunnel and Port Authority are not far from each other at all. But the traffic. OH THE MORNING TRAFFIC. The incessant stop. go. stop. go. Finally we get to the station and I rushed off the bus, nearly shoving elderly, handicapped women out of my way, ran down the two flights of stairs and power walked my way into the bathroom. During this trek I believe I almost pooped myself 5 times. Once at each flight of stairs and 3 times bumping into a slow walker.

I get to the bathroom and THANK YOU JESUS one stall open. I dash at it but my time is getting short, I must release the beast. I tear off my leather jacket and throw it to the ground. Aw, crap. Jacket and headphones are on NYC public restroom floor. Ugh, it came from a cow... I can deal. I rip off my belt and pants and just as I was about to drop them the flood came. I've honestly never pooped with such force. Torrent of feces I might say. Fecal torrent. After my brown storm had subsided, relieved, I blindly reached into the silver canister for the toilet paper and...it was empty. And with a defeated sigh, I let out a quiet "fck..."

A sidenote - I had once heard a story of a famous tweeter who was in the same predicament as my own but tweeted his location and need and indeed got his toilet paper.

My rescue story is not nearly as cool. Upon letting out my swear I heard a small cackle from the stall to my left. Obviously, he was aware of my dilemma and out from under his stall came a shaky hand with a roll of TP for me. I thanked my rescuer, whom later I found out was a homeless man who was evidently tripping on multiple barbituates and had taken off all his clothes to poop. (The whole time he was moaning things like "Oh yea, that's right. Yeah you gotta do it like that.") Whatever, the ordeal is over, and I owe him one. Stomach is relieved and toosh is wiped. Now time to pull my pants up....fck. Upon unleashing my butt's hadouken, some of the fireball had grazed the top part of my boxer shorts. Dammit dammit...I sat and pondered. I indeed played with the thought of cleaning the soiled undergarment but now was no time for experimentation - gotta get to work. I made a quick judgment call and with my pants on, ripped and tore the dirty underwear off from my body. In actuality, I am quite proud of the method I used to go about this. I put my hands in the hole of the front part of the boxer and with a quick tug, ripped them in half clean off my legs. Work of a master. Very effective. From there I went about my usual. Washed my hands as if nothing happened and walked to work.

So there you have it. Officially back to the blog. Yes. I am at work with no underwear on. Commando as some would say. I'm also very hungry. The rest of the day will be picking my wedgey cause my slacks keep getting caught. If you would have done otherwise, please inform me - I believe I had no other choice unless I carry spare underwear in my bag.

And now it's back to work. Toodles. (Haha, I heard someone say that. SO GAY but I like it...)

Obama Kept Me From Work

2010-09-23T17:48:00.001-07:00

Hard to blog since I started doing a 9-5 in NYC -

but here's a treat -

I'm walking to my building and I'm literally arms length away from the door when a Secret Service agent shoves me back and says "You cannot pass." A UN conference is going on in our area and they have to close of 53rd street for all sorts of delegates. So I literally stood in front of my door for half an hour and was late for work. I have no idea who passed through - but I'm just going to say it was Obama.

That was yesterday, today - more road closings. They closed the intersections on 53rd at 5th and 6th Avenues for this whole motorcade or w/e it's called. AND - they had snipers on the roofs just in case lol

Word. I was spying on the snipers. (click it the pic is cut off)

It's just funny cause with all the sirens and horns blaring... had they just passed through I don't think anyone would've known they were there.

Wishful Thinking

2010-09-10T20:11:00.000-07:00

It's natural to want someone that's done harm to you to have bad things happen to them....well let's not go as far as BAD THINGS but inconveniences...(being ugly, bad teeth, trip and fall, etc. etc.) I guess it's just a form of retaliation in the mind? It makes sense, but it doesn't make sense... I dunno I could go on for that but that's not the point.

I had a bully in elementary school. The worst kind of bully. He pretended to be my friend, but at the same time bullied me. He pulled it off so well. I think 50% of it was cause he had every new video game ever and I loved playing games with him. There was one such instance when I had my first sleep over EVER in 4th grade. I went to his house and we did the usual 4th grade nonsense - talk about girls. And I spilled the beans. I used to have this huge crush on a Greek chick named Alexandra. The reason I remember her so well besides have an amazing memory? Not because my feelings for her were strong - but because after I told him he then told the WHOLE 4th grade the day after and she looked at me and said 'ew.' SOUL CRUSH.

I haven't seen that bully for many years. Until recently.

He friended me on Facebook and I was so curious to see his info so I accepted. The once short, fat, and big earred Greek kid with ugly braces is not the big, fat, massive lard I had hoped him to become. He's tall - lost all the baby fat, nice set of white teeth, not even balding a little. Running into him and having to reminisce with him....ugh forget it don't even wanna talk about it.

I'm genetically made to bald... it's just in the fam.

His head fulla hair is going no where =T

A Post for Date

2010-09-02T09:38:00.000-07:00

Lol it's 90210.

I remember thinking "OMG this show is so ridic, but that Dylan (Dillan? Dillain like villain?) guy is SO COOL ON HIS MOTORBIKKKKKKKKEEEEE lol. And Brenda just gave me the creeps I always thought she was a dirty chick.

Nothing much going on. Just working on sets and work. My next set is Sept 15th - So we'll see how that goes.

I've been dating for a bit... I'm flying out to see her (yes, it's long distance, but she's awesome so why not?) this Friday but a freakin' hurricane is coming. It's supposed to barely miss Jersey so fingers are crossed.

I went to my friend's girlfriend's church football game the other day. The girl's like 5'10 so it was interesting to watch her tower over all the girls and most of the guys on the field. We just sat on the sideline and ate cheeseburgers lol. It was funny cause after the game this guy was talkin' to his team (the losers) and I feel like this happens a lot! something like -

Guy: "Dudes. Athletically, we had them man. We just weren't organized. If we practiced a LITTLE MORE we would've won for sure."

Basically he was saying -

Guy: "Dudes. If we didn't lose... we would've won. For sure."

Lol and then he went into how he pulled his "hammy" first play and when he tried to "cut" it just wouldn't happen. But dudes, athletically, they had them.

A lot of people end their stuff with "Cheers" now. I see it on a lot of blogs. I guess it sounds classy... I am not classy -_- The word just doesn't suit me. And ending it with something like "Peace." makes me feel like I'm trying to be Rev. Run. W/e~ It's been over a year of blogging still don't know how to end an entry. wtf.

END

My First Stand Up At Broadway Comedy Club in NYC

2010-08-26T00:16:00.001-07:00

I say "thank you" when someone says "This guy's funny." lol

I got an invite to a bigger gig =) We'll see how it goes!!

My Taste of Taiwan

2010-08-10T15:54:00.000-07:00

Taiwan was.... pretty crazy. Well - the parts I saw of it at least. I saw someone else post up their photos of Taiwan where they're riding through the countryside on a motorcycle and stuff....my taste was definitely less artistic to say the least.

This is the market. I was basically walking through one of these day and night regardless of where I was. Chinese folks really are trying to sell you crap ALL THE FREAKIN TIME.

As for the food - it was great! A lot of good eating and fruity teas - I only had two gripes about food. They were:

The falcon claw. (It's a chicken's foot but they're bigger than you think -_-)

I really don't have a lot of gripes about food but just thinking about sucking the meat off the fingers off the claw just....ugh I can't do it. It's all mushy, slippery, and scaly at the same time. And then....

"Stinky Tofu"

So this is Taiwan's excuse for the country smelling bad. OMGGGGGG smells bad though - I mean you'd think if it smells like asshole you wouldn't eat it y'know? But apparently it was a "must have" so I had to try it. Was w/e. Severely overrated imo =T

I took a lot of random shots - like billboards with English spelled wrong and what not... Here are a couple funnies:

Police Station

YEAH!!!! POLICE STATION!!!! I dunno...you'd think they'd want to be taken seriously. Animated heroes of Taiwan...

Hehehe "See-men" Station....hehehe

I thought it was interesting graffiti in Taiwan looked like graffiti in the states...and I still have no idea what it says.

So yeah those are some randoms.

The only reason I went is cause my good friend David was there and he told me it'd be a good time - and it was. EXCEPT FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING A WORD FOR 5 DAYS. SOOOoooo
the only Chinese word I could pick up is "thank you" and "korean" (Hong guo ran). It's a pretty damn distinct word and I'm the only Korean in like a 5 mile radius everywhere I go. So a lot of it would just be me standing there and smiling cause...that's what people do when you don't know what people are talking about - you stand there and smile like a dumbass. Conversations went like:

David: (china talk)
David's friend: haha (china talk) HONG GUO RAN (china talk)
::Both David and his friend look at me...
David and his friend both laugh::
Me: Hahaha. Yo - what you guys talking about?
David: Nothin.

You bitch David.

That's a pharmacy door he's standing next to. The door sign says "FATNESS IS A SICKNESS." Fatty.

Or so he tells me.

Bed Bug Welcome

2010-07-26T11:41:00.000-07:00

So I've been back for about a day now - I didn't think I'd be jetlagged but I have a little bit.. I've been trying to sleep at normal times but it isn't really happening.

As for my trip through "Asia" (actually just Taiwan and Korea, hardly deserves to be called a trip through Asia just so much easier to type and sounds better... I think a 'trip through Asia' should be merited by a minimum of 3 or 4 countries.) I'm going to have to do a two part post. So this post will actually be about the happenings on my return.

So on my flight back...I must say it was quite hectic. Mostly because there was this baby that wouldn't stop crying unless his mom breast fed him so she was constantly popping him under the cover and I had the luxury to be next to them. It was a seat specially designed for women with children though and it was cool cause there was this wall with holes and they plug a bed into them much like this one:

So he gets to LIE DOWN the whole 14 hours we're flying. He was a relatively cute baby but OMG WTF WERE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU GET TO LOUNGE OUT THE WHOLE FLIGHT.

I'm not a very picky eater and the flight food on Asiana is pretty decent - so food wasn't an issue. Upon arriving it took quite a bit to get my luggage..I don't know why mine has a tendency to come out last. And with luggage coming out last it would seem that I was required to assist the most people. This one girl kept confusing her bag with these HUGE MONSTROSITIES of bags so I was busting my back taking em on and off. I mean, she said thank you. But I thought a $10 would have been more appropriate. Finally, I get through customs and I'm greeted with my mother and sister. Yay! It was pleasant...my sister had just toured through France and England so we were discussing everything and what not and then finally - they get honest with me:

Sister: Doug, you're sleeping you get to sleep in my room today.
Me: Why?
Sister: I'm going to be sleeping in your room with Mom. (As if she was doing a favor for me.)

(So my mom sleeps on the ground in my room, not in the master bedroom)
Me: Oh. Alrighty. Why's that?
Sister: Eh... it's nothing.
Me: Tell me.
Sister: Sooooooooooo - I've been getting all these little marks on my body when I've been sleeping on that bed and I think our house has bed bugs! (Like ooo let's get excited for bed bugs!) Mom doesn't want to get an exterminator so mom, dad, and I thoroughly cleaned it and vacuumed the mattress and if we have bed bugs you can usually see them but I couldn't. Mom thinks I'm just being crazy and I'm having an allergic reaction but I really think we have them so....
Me: .........So you want me to guinea pig for you and see if I get pwned in your bed.
Sister: ..Yup.
Mom: Don't worry. No bed bug. She's crazy.

And I mean this is not a small deal here...these bed bugs. A victim:

Seriously not cool.

So as of now. I sleep in her bed. Welcome home -_-. I'll get the trip highlights up as soon as possible!

Hot and Bothered

2010-06-25T16:44:00.000-07:00

I'm going headed for Taiwan tonight - and then Korea afterward so I don't think I'll be able to blog for July... we'll see I'm sure a lot of crap will happen there.

I went to a wedding in Chicago - I think going back made me miss it. Ate at a place called Hot Doug's. Was pretty cool, wedding was fun, sigh~

So I have a few weird habits I picked up and I realize a lot of them are cause of people that I've interacted with.

I used to have a friend... and whenever I was in his car - just me and him - he would listen to really SOULFUL music. Like that love R&B. Basically sex music. It's all he ever played. And I'd be in his car and the first time I thought ok this is kinda weird but I guess he's in that mood y'know? Sometimes you just gotta get it out - I get it. But every, freakin', time. And he'd sing that shit to me in the car and during the very baritone low narration parts he'd touch my shoulder and mouth it to me.

"Baby - I'm sorry, baby. You KNOW I NEED you right now."

Along those lines. I was REALLY creeped out. We'd stop at traffic lights and the windows would be down and he's singing that shit and people would look at us with that "Aw two homos" look.

So whenever that music comes on the radio and I'm with another dude I HAVE to switch it. Just have to.

(I was gonna paste a dude's pic there...but putting mine wouldn't really make sense and putting the dude's just didn't seem right...so [your pic there]) (edit: I just realized you can see her boob. Oopsy - shoulda put my face there =DDD )

No John Legend, no Brian McKnight, no sax...

We recently changed phone companies at my family's house. The previous pissed off my dad somehow so we've been having the cable guys come in to give us a phone line. The first guy that came in was this really cool Haitian dude. I just sat there next to him watchin him fix everything up - he'd get a phone call from some girl every now and then and tell her he was on his way over to her place... I thought it was his wife until his wife called. Oh boy.

But the next guy. So apparently the Haitian guy didn't do everything right (we had to hook up our phone line to the ADT security system) so he came to do it. This guy was this FAT, Russian? Hungarian? I dunno some fat guy that looked like the guy from Boy Meets World/ Butterfly Effect:

But fatter than this picture.

My mom's English is pretty decent. She's pretty fluent. And he's talkin to my mom like she's a dumbass - when his English was pretty broken. Even when she's talking back to him in perfectly fine English they just can't acknowledge it. It's like a mental block or something. The whole "IF YOU PUT WIRE IN, NO GOOD. KEEP WIRE IN. SECURITY GOOD. ALARM PERFECT." slow and loud talk was in play. And then - he asks me to plug this wire into a jack so I plug it in but they were in a splitter so I just picked one.

Whatever I had to do didn't work so he sighs and lugs his sweaty fatass up from the basement to the top floor and takes it out of the one I put it into and into the other one. And I laugh and say "Oh, my bad." and he goes "Yeah. Well, it was my bad for asking."

oooooo myyyyyyy. FCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU CABLE MAN. SORRY THE STAIRS WERE HARD ON YOU. and then he left.

So yeah - that's about it on this end...I'll try to get an update in while I'm in Asia - look forward to it!

the fam

2010-06-18T16:21:00.000-07:00

In light of father's day... decided to drop a post on some old and new things about my family.

My mom -

She's hilarious. She's a little woman with a lil poofy fro and she never fails to surprise me. In high school I used to pretend I was doing projects at my neighbors house but we'd just go into his basement and play N64. I guess she caught on after the 4th week of doing a project cause she was spying on us through the little half window that's on the ground level looking down into the basement.

Friend: (looks up) dude is that your mom?
Me: Huh? Nah.

And then I see a little poofy fro hiding behind a bush.

Me: That's my mom.

Or more recently...I like to interrupt my sister midsentence by saying 'vagina' obnoxiously loud. Kinda like....

Sister: (to my mom) So when I was going to -
Me: Vagina.
Sister: ...work I saw -
Me: Vaginaaaaaaa
Sister: Douglas. I saw
Me: Va-haaaaaaaaa-gina.
Mom: Douglas - you don't speak like that.
Sister: That's disgusting, Douglas. I saw a...
Mom: Testicle!

Lol.

My sister -

She's like....another mom. Even though sometimes she's a little clueless she's funny. She's the smart one. So my folks tend to yell at me heRE and there and nag me cause I'm not really doing anything or I'm not accomplished or I've been lazy blah blah.

Dad: (yelling at me cause I've been lazy and stuff) RAHHHHH!!!! RAAAAAAH!!!
Me: Sorry, dad I'll handle it.
Sister: Remember that one time you did this and that? That's just like this time!
Me: Oh wtf.
Dad: ...OHHHHHHHH YEAHHHH! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

So she throws me under the bus now n then... I do believe it's unintentional. Whenever I confront her and tell her she should just shuttup she gives me:

"Douglas, you never learn. You have to learn."

More recently...I slept on the couch when my folks went on a cruise cause it's cooler downstairs, but while sleeping on it I pulled off one of the couch buttons by accident. I told my sister don't tell them - she has kept this secret. When the folks came back she tattled on me about something and I accused her of being a tattle tale.

Mom and dad are sitting some 10 feet away from us.

Me: You're a tattle (walks to living room/sits on couch w/ button)
Sister: How am I tattle! I didn't tell then about the cou-... mmmm.
Me: yeah? About what?
Sister: -_-

Born to tell on me. She can't help it just WIRED to do it.

My dad -

Where to begin? He's my dad. He used to be the TERROR. The wielder of the stick. But he's mellowed out a bit. He likes to sit down and blabber on about things I need to do and how I need to live. For instance - a salary job is undesirable because it'll just cap my ability to make money. How would I solve the oil crisis? What would I do to address the environmental and economic repercussions? lol... answering that stuff is so gay.

I think his restaurant manners are atrocious... something I will elaborate on another post but one such instance is...when you call over a waiter... you kind of just raise your hand and say "excuse me" y'know? what he does is he makes eye contact and goes

and says "Hey. You come here" lolol

He's just that kinda guy...and he hasn't failed to scare the people that stay over my house. There was one instance my friend slept on the couch - my dad just kinda stood over him at like 8am and watched him until he woke up. I do not know why...

He's retiring soon so... I really don't know what he's gonna do with his time/energy... oh boy I need to move out soon. Happy Father's Day.

wtf tilt

2010-06-11T14:41:00.001-07:00

to tilt or being tilted is basically just being so upset or driven to frustration one is thrown off their game - poor decisions, short fuse, impatient etc. etc.

I've been trying to write a script for this contest that FOX tv is holding. Basically it's a comedy pilot and they're offering 25k and a development deal to the winner. I figure "Hey, why not?". The problem is that I'm kinda stuck. It's like this eternal spiral of writer's block. I blame being home contributing 25.5% of it.

I can't seem to get on a decent roll when I'm writing - either my folks will nag me about looking for a job or someone will be fighting with someone and it's just hard being funny on paper when shit's going down around you. I gotta find a place to crash for a friend's wedding AND contact my friend in taiwan for a trip to korea. Too much crap think about = TILT. So - I've been getting annoyed... and fat. I swear I called so many people fat and pointed and laughed it's coming back to me. I need to work out...

Getting tilted so easily nowadays. NO GOOOOD. All this build up of nagging and unproductivity is really getting to me. For instance -

A while back I kinda went on this 'date' with this chick back at school. I'm pretty sure she was into me and went to bars - danced etc. So this one night we go to her place and it just so happens that a bunch of younger guys I knew from the east coast were there and it was all "AHH!!! HYUNG!! (older bro) DRINK DRINK DRINK!" So I drank drank drank and got FCKED UP. We went outside to go somewhere else and I was like zomg wtf. I'm in her car trying to stifle all this puke and then...

drip drip drip

It kinda dribbled outta my mouth. (Thank God I was in the back seat)

So I'm all "STOP THE CAR" go outside puke my brains out. She's def thinkin' "omg he puked on himself" and takes me home with some other dude. They drop me off I stumble into my apartment and wake up. My sink's on, towels in the sink, sock is in the fridge, and I'm naked. She pretty much ignored me after that - fine, understandable. Being sloppy is unattractive anyway.

So a year and a half later it so happens we're taking two classes together. Blah blah hung out studied once and that was that. She msgs me to see what I'm doing graduation night and I tell her to call me and she says k but she doesn't call. I was a little sad. But w/e.

AND NOW since she's moving to NY for work she msgs "hope you're in nj~ :)" and i'm like oh wtffffffff. You damn tilda smiley face! Change the way I see the sentence so drastically.

Tilted me off my rocker. And I know it's petty shit but I was just sooooo annoyed cause I'm not down with that. And I do confess way back then I had a crush on her. So what? she's cute :(

I ain't got time for games (Waldo)!

I have to hash this script out in like 2 days and get it copyrighted. I have 40% of it done. wtf tilt.

Update

2010-06-04T12:19:00.000-07:00

My sister recently got a job as a high school teacher. It's a pretty impressive feat considering this time has been compared to the Great Depression when it comes to getting a job as a teacher. I've been applying here and there within our area as well as my parents see it better that I live on the East coast...

During my time home I've realized that my sister takes what I say pretty seriously and she thinks I'm an alcoholic...

Sister: Are you looking for jobs? You spend too much money. What're you doing? Are you being productive? blah blah blah Where will you get the money?
Me: I'll just sell my body.
Sister: What?
Me: I'm gonna be a hooker.
Sister: ... y'know Douglas being a male prostitute is hard.
Me: (Wtf) I was kidding.
Sister: Haven't you seen the movie Midnight Cowboy? That life is TERRIBLE!

I really don't know what compelled her to watch a movie called Midnight Cowboy.

The day I returned from college my mom and dad went on a cruise in the Mediterranean so no nagging from them... for now. As proud as I am for my sister I hope to God that her achievement will reduce the amount of nagging my parents generate. However, I do believe and fear that they will just concentrate it on me.

There's been a love bug floating around - a lot of people I know have decided to couple up. I, on the other hand, have been single for the longest length of time since high school. I am not able to bring this issue up to friends around here due to the fact that on CUE I will be called a pedophile/cradle robber in SOME manner due to a past relationship. (She was only 2.5 years younger.) WELL I'M SORRY.

On another note, I do feel as though men have to 'settle' for their partner more often than women do. Not saying women don't settle. Just - I would like to be settled for. IIIII don't want to settle for a girl. I want a girl to settle for me. I want to wake up and think in my head "God, my girlfriend could do so much better than me." Perhaps turn over and see her beautiful better-than-I-should-be-doing sleeping face smiling from thoughts of me... and then I would begin celebratory fist pumping. Every morning. Really. It would be nice.

And she would probably buy me nice things.

You don't want that in your mouth

2010-05-30T11:45:00.000-07:00

I've always had this thing for eavesdropping on people... I don't know I think it's just interesting jumping in on a person's conversation at a random point. This is especially when you're walking by people at the mall or on the street cause you always just get a random sentence or two. For example one of the more memorable moments was when I was walking with my friend at school and we passed some really, really huge guys and I caught:

".... - I REALLY wanted those balls in my mouth so bad."

lol wtf.

Recently I took a trip to south Jersey... and we were just sitting on some benches and I hear some parents talking with their kid and the conversation goes something like :

Little boy: I want a lolli! Can I get a lolli? I'll eat it after dinnuh!
Mom: Aww that's so cute. What do you think Bill?
Dad: (I believe he was texting or checking the score of the Flyer's game) Nah. That stuff's full of shit. You don't wanna eat that champ.

Wow. So I'm just kinda... that's a really blunt dad y'know? I don't have the cleanest mouth but traditionally it was just "Watch your mouth son!" clean the mouth with a bar of soap kind of crap. And then..

Mom: Yeah, he's right. That stuff IS fulla shit. Plus you have new teeth growing in. Baby you don't want that shit in your mouth.
Little boy: (just kinda frolics away) K!

I mean you can tell they care about their kid...I guess they figure he's gonna swear anyway.

And then you have parents that let their kids end up like THIS:

Baby, you don't want that shit in your mouth.

Homecoming Adventure with Denise Squared

2010-05-21T13:43:00.000-07:00

I got home yesterday. Oh man - it was pretty hectic. I had a couple interviews in the Chicago area a few days before and then after that I decided to go celebrate with David and his roommate cause I GRADUATED ZOMGGGGGGGGGG

We went to a bar called Starbusters where they were having karaoke night - the kind of karaoke people go up and sing in front of the bar. I call it white person's karaoke. I must say - it's pretty awesome. Anyhoo - got home late and realized I had to leave David's place at 730 ish so I had to wake up at 630 to pack. Slept at 3... was not fun.

Woke up hung over - so as David drove me I had to ask him to pull over to puke. Of course of all places he takes me to a church parking lot. That wasn't weird. But then I had to take a massive dump.

I ALWAYS HAVE TO DUMP WHEN I HAVE TO PUKE. UGHHHHHH If I puke then the stomach contracting makes me shart my pants and if I dump first the smell makes me wanna puke and then I'm sticking my face into a bowl of crap. I've talked about this. But always always :( as we were driving I was literally looking at the ditches on the side of the road and thinking if I could do my business there. Terrible.

Finally - get to the airport.

So I usually fly American. I go to the American terminal at O'hare (#3) and swipe my credit card and look for my info. Computer wasn't finding it - so I asked the lady, Denise.

Me: Hey! It's not finding my flight information? (I said this in the most friendly way a hungover and sickly feeling person could say)
Denise: Mmmhmm - gimme a sec. What's your last name?
Me: Cho, C-h-o
Denise: First name, Mr. Chow? (Serious?)
Me: Douglas. My flight's at 10:24
Denise: -scanning computer- Psh. There's no 10:24 flight. You got the wrong airline.
Me: Wtf? Can you check for me please?
Denise: Mmmhmm. How can you forget which airline you flying?

Ok fine. Yeah I forgot which airline but in my defense - it's been 5 months since I really looked at my flight stuff and I really do usually fly American.

Me: .... Just a really hectic morning, heh. Could you PLEASE check for me?
Denise: Mmmhmm...sec - can't believe you forgot your airline.

Omg get over it. And I realized "Mmmhmm" is another way of saying a mix of "I don't believe you" and "I don't really care." and "I don't give a shit." all at once.

Denise: You're flying U.S. Airways. Seriously - you gotta quit forgettin' that kind of easy stuff.
Doug: W/E

I seriously woulda given her a piece of my mind but she had information I needed... I should've anyway BECAUSE:

I was NOT flying U.S. Airways. I walked to the next terminal (#2) swipe my card find out that my shit's not there so I call my sister and she finds it online - I'm flying United. Wtf. Fck you, Denise.

Go to the NEXT terminal (#1) so by now I've walked the span of O'hare. Get to United and I find out I can't check my bag in cause 40 minutes before is too late. So now I'm just pacing around grumbling to myself and I happen to stand on the red carpet that United has. If you go to the airport it's literally a 5 by 3 ft piece of red carpet on the ground. Apparently it's for VIPs. This lady kind of appears from behind the wall and tells me to follow her - so I do and she takes me to this like small marble encased room where everything is shiny and nice and there I explain my situation.

Immediately she looks at me and goes - "Regina! Haha, Regina's my right hand girl." And then Regina appears out of no where. "This man needs a late check in - please handle it." She looks at me "Okay, Mr. Chow you're all set to go." I won't hold it against her even though I spelled it and said it for her too. And then Regina takes my bag and puts this bad boy on it:

United is pretty awesome.

And then the lady takes me to this door and combines with the army line and rich person like that cuts ahead of everyone else. That was awesome. But of course, being all caught up in everything/hungover I left one of my carry on bags prior to the security check-in point. So I'm past the security debating if I should abandon my bag cause I have 15 minutes to board and then I turn around - and what do you know this security lady is sifting through my bag cause it was unattended luggage =)

Me: Hey! That's mine!
Denise: Mmmhmm. (yes her name was Denise as well -_-) How do I know this is your bag?
Me: There's a blue overcoat in it, a black blazer and many dress shirts.
Denise: That's bout right I GUESS. Don't you know how we treat unattended luggage? How you gonna forget this?
Me: I know... I just...

Ugh gimme a fckin break.

Denise: Mmmhmm Don't you hear the voice on the intercom that repeats itself about unattended luggage?
Me: Yes. (one word answer means she can't continue to lecture)
Denise: sigh *eyeroll - here you go..

All the Denises in the world need to lecture me apparently. WHATEVER. I got my bag back and then make a mad dash to gate B22 which obviously is at the WAY END. Get on the plane, life is good, a little worried about bags but w/e. Close my eyes... and then - this hulk of a woman comes to me.

Hulk: I believe I have the aisle, and *point* you have the window.
Me: Ahh gotcha. * I move over *

I close my eyes try to rest... and I get this nasty lead smelling splash of air into my face. I realize that my lovely fat seat mate had decided to open my air vent. I was not having this. I slowly, ever so carefully reached up for it and twisted it close - and as I did her fat head slowly turned to me to watch and said, "Well that's not nice." And then we locked eyes. At this point I'm tired, hungover, sweaty, and this plane is about to take off and I don't give a fck about what happens so I gave her the craziest look that I could muster and just stared straight back at her like "I will eat you alive, woman." and we have this staring contest for about 7 seconds. She concedes. I sleep. I'm home. GG.

CELEBRATION!!!!!!

2010-05-14T15:36:00.000-07:00

Quick entry cause things are going crazy -

Finally finished up with undergrad!!! Took my last final...been hittin' up the bars in celebrationnnnnn!!! Got a couple interviews right after graduation...hopefully they will be ok.

It's interesting cause everyone is so hyped up with being done with finals and what not there's almost this tension in the air cause people wanna go wild. All good though.

My folks are coming down right now - NOT in the best mood cause there's crazy traffic... I fear for the hostility that will arise from that. A phone call just 10 minutes ago:

Me: Hey dad.
Dad: Hey.
Me: So what's go-
Dad: We're going to be there late cause there's really bad road construction going on right now.
Me: Oh really? How long do you thin-
Dad: How do you think I'll know how long with this kind of traffic? We're CRAWLING. CRAWLING along.
Me: How far are yo-
Dad: I have NO idea how far we are
Sister: (In the background) 66 MILES!
Dad: 66 Miles away. CRAWLING.
Me: Should I change the dinner reser-
Dad: CRAWLING. You change the dinner reservation we're going to be late.
Me: K.
Dad: This traffic is crazy. See you soon.
Me: K.

All good. I am prepared. I have been celebrating all week and I have some pics of some other people celebrating with me... two in particular. I must say though... it's crazy what you see with a camera flash.

The first:

CELEBRATION!!!!!!!!! This guy straddled this chick on a wheelchair and was trying to make out with her. I was pretending to take a picture of myself, yes. I was gonna caption up this picture but... I don't know it kinda bothered me. The guy wiping? his hand on his chest was preppin' to start celebrating with the chick in front of him.

gonna have to click this one to make it bigger

Lol. Big girls need love too. I envision him saying something like "You ain't goin' no where baby girl." and she's like "Oh yeah? You think you can stop me?! Come get it play boy." and he's like "OH BABY! Come to daddy big mama" and then they made out like crazy (which is what caught my eye in the first place). From the look on his face you know he's ready for THE CELEBRATION!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M SO HUGE RIGHT NOW

2010-04-30T12:41:00.000-07:00

Effective/fun workouts have always been a popular concept... I think they always will. There'll always be a new video/formula/exercise that gets you super fit. I've attempted some of these myself... 300 workout, sparticus, etc. etc. Remember Tae Bo? Hip Hop Abs? Pole Dancing as a work out? p-90X is really popular now. SO MANY. Freakin' Jane Fonda is still at it. How old is she... 70's? and she has a NEW work out dvd wtf?

She looks like she's suffering -_-. How many breaks did they have to take cause she might have stroked out?

And WHY is Beethoven behind her reading a newspaper?

Originally, I was going to do this entry on belly dancing cause I was watching FitTv and it's ridiculous... maybe I'll come to it later. But last night I discovered something so much better...

SHAKE WEIGHT FOR MEN. Please watch the video. It's hilarious with all the grunting and shaking.... HAHA and if you don't see the masturbation entendre (can i use that word there?) well, it's there.

HAHAH @ 10/15 seconds: "GRRRRR! Whew! That's it."

"The faster you shake, the more intense and challenging your work out."

$29.95 for "SCIENCE FACT, NOT FICTION"

After seeing it I spent the rest of the night out imitating it cause it was so captivating.

I'M SO HUGE RIGHT NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

DANCE UP ON HIS MOM!

2010-04-22T15:13:00.000-07:00

Crazy week. Procrastinated a huge project but I got through it... I think. We'll see how the results show up.

So it was my birthday weekend last week. Woohoo turned 24. I wasn't going to do anything cause I usually don't, but some of my friend Alan decided to throw a party for me. It was supposed to be a surprise... but the progression into the night was note worthy -

So going to dinner:

Alan: So hey, it's your birthday!
Me: Oh yeah! lol
Alan: So - I'm having people over at my place... wanna come over? We're gonna make pina coladas and stuff @ around 9?
Me: Eh... I don't know I'm busy...maybe I'll come out later?
Alan: ...ok.

At dinner:

Alan: So hey. Y'know that thing I'm having at my place? That was supposed to be a surprise. For you. You should come.
Me: Ah. K.

Going to party:

Adam: I can't go crazy.
Me: No way dude, it's going to be mild, chill, how bad can pina coladas get?
Adam: Word.

So just a few of us got there - it was real good times and then my friend, Kwon decided to pull a fast one on me and whipped out this nasty bottle of vodka.

This will hurt you.

After - we decided to go to a bar and on entering we realized... hey! It's mom's weekend! It's basically a weekend everyone's mom comes down and goes to bars with their kids -_-.

So we're hanging out - music playing we're just dancing around and I make eye contact with this dude with his friends and moms and he comes up to me all "What! What! Show me what you got! Show me what you got!" One of those encounters and then after he watched me for a little it became :

ty Jessica for the lovely pic

Wtf? So weird - but THEN I hear "YEAH! DANCE UP ON HIS MOM!" from my corner. And he's still going "YEAH! DANCE UP ON MY MOM! HEY, MOM!"

lol. So much of my 24th was spent with a circle of mothers and their children watching me in a bar. Happy Bday!

Reponse to Rudeness is Rage

2010-04-12T16:54:00.000-07:00

First thing I noticed over the past week - if the U.S. Census Bureau does not seem to think you are filling out the census they will spam mail you. Not like put it in your spam box and delete spam mail you - they will physically spam mail you.

I'm holding like 10+ Census things in my hand of all different sizes. 3 people live in my apartment. ha

Anyway -

Frankly, I think customer service reps and I weren't meant to get along. I don't understand why. I'm very polite and patient on the phone. No joke. Sometimes I'll crack a joke here and there - being a telephone service rep has got to suck and I totally understand so I try to be a good customer... but taking it out on someone else who calls is NOT going to make your day better, especially if it's me.

Long story short - a friend of mine came down for the weekend to hang out but I wanted to do an errand for my church so I left him to his own devices at my apartment. After I had returned, we went out to eat, got drinks, went home, passed out, and he left town. I wake up - go onto my computer - and I have a computer virus. Now this friend had the same virus last week on HIS computer...and now it's on mine.... I know correlation doesn't mean causation but just sayin'.

So - after being on the phone with him I was told to download all these programs to fix my junk. They failed. So then I bought this program that was supposed to help me fix my registry. While this was scanning my computer, I figured I'd call someone I knew who was good with computers. I left a voicemail that day - and still have not received a reply. I think that's rude, BUT W/E GUESS I DON'T KNOW EM LIKE THAT.

FINALLY, FINALLY my computer begins to breathe some sort of life no thanks to the program I purchased - and the website said "IF CUSTOMER IS NOT SATISFIED WITH RESULTS THEY MAY RETURN THEIR KEY FOR A REFUND." YOU CAN'T GET MORE ANY CLEAR WITH THAT RIGHT?

And here is my customer service call:

*ring ring gay menu press 1, 4, 1, 3, wait 10 minutes

Charlotte: Hello, this is Charlotte speaking. Can I help you?

-Immediately I detect our friend Charlotte is not happy. So I decided to be nice.-

Me: Hi! I recently purchased your product - actually today, and it didn't work out the way it said it would - I would like to cancel my order.
Charlotte: What's your order ID?
Me: [Order ID]
Charlotte: Mr. Chew?
Me: Yes.

-I really think that when non-Asian people read 3 letter last names, they must add some sort of twist or special rules to the letters i.e. 'o' in my name is actually prounounced 'ew' or 'ow' or 'banana' -

Charlotte: Why do you want to return this?
Me: The program didn't help me out the way I needed so I want to return it.
Charlotte: You can't do that.
Me: Why not?
Charlotte: Because you bought it.
Me: Oh - well that's why I'm returning it, haha.
Charlotte: No.
Me: ....[waiting for more than that]
Charlotte: Is there anythin more I ca-
Me: Wait, wait. I'm reading it here on the website about the return policy - I'm supposed to be able to return this.
Charlotte: Just cause it's there doesn't mean you're right.
Me: How is that so? It shouldn't be up there then.
Charlotte: You're ignorant.

-WHOA. wtf. I don't understand WHERE that came from. When I'm in these situations I swear but when I'm pushed further I skip the swearing I just wanna say something mean....So I did. -

Me: Go die in a fire cause apparently you're not good for anything else.

- and then I hung up -

Aftermath: I RAGED at my computer for being sooooooooooooooooooo virus-y. I sent a cold and straightforward to their support address saying I wanted my refund or else I'm disputing the charge with my cc's bank. No response. Rude.

Hello, Random Girl

2010-04-05T10:57:00.000-07:00

Some random:

Is it me or does everyone who wants to be taller always wants 1.5 to 2 inches in height? Enough to make a difference, but a modest amount. There's a pretty hot girl in one of my classes and she always smiles at me when we make eye contact, but I help but think if it's not friendly flirting but her feeling superior since she's a TADBIT taller. If latter: kick her in the knee cap.

Everyone is wearing horn rimmed something nowadays, whether it be glasses or sunglasses. Even the 3D glasses are kind of like that. I saw a girl wearing them with the 3D plastic part popped out, so she just had the plastic frame on. Wtf. She had this tattoo of stars on her arm but the tiny little stars looked like tiny bugs on her arm from far away. I wanted to tell her but that could be upsetting.

This picture is funny:

The spam comments are kind of getting out of control. Lots of porn and random gaming websites and gaming porn hybrid sites are spamming me. Gaming + porn. Making porn interactive - that's kind of sickly genius. I don't know how to stop it.

I have to go to a computer lab to print my stuff. I've made it a habit to check my blog for comments while on the computer or to just review blogs to see if I like something or not. As I was slowly scrolling past the picture of the volleyball player's ass tightly wrapped in a sad excuse for spandex shorts, a girl tapped my shoulder:

Girl: Hey.
Me: *Turn (FCK! She probably thinks I'm some sort of pervert) Hi.
Girl: You read this blog?
Me: (W/e I'll never see her again) Yeah...
Girl: I've read it too!
Me: ( :D ) Yeah it's pretty funny.
Girl: It's alright.
Me: (Wtf.)
Girl: My friend's friend showed it to me - it's just kinda funny he knows sucha weird guy.
Me: (Fck you, talking to a stranger about a blog. YOU'RE THE WEIRDO) Hahaha, I guess - he's just being honest y'know?
Girl: Meh. He could write about something else.
Me: (wtf well I don't want YOU to read it) I mean.... w/e.
Girl: huh?
Me: Print. *I get up to go print and walk past her. [Lol I said 'print' to dismiss myself)

WELL RANDOM GIRL I AM THE WRITER.

But at the same time I was glad - people are actually reading my stuff and I know you can't please everyone so...

Note to girl: Walking away from you was rude, and I saw the face you made at me, it was an ugly face. I intended it to be so cause I didn't sleep and you put me in a bad mood. So I apologize, but the half-ass type of apology where I tell you I'm sorry you can have your own opinion but then I go to my friends and justify myself cause you made me mad. HAVE A GOOD DAY

Bad Habits, Half Naked Girls

2010-03-25T13:23:00.000-07:00

I've been lazy.

Buncha things to talk about so straight to it
-
So looking back during my spring break I've realized I've developed a bad habit of pointing and laughing. I think I was doing it just to kid around with some people but the habit's REALLY sticking.

So... how do you know if a habit is sticking? I think a sure fire sign is when it just comes out and you think in your head..."Oh damn...can't believe I did that."

For example...

My friend came back for spring break and he gained some weight. Ok...not some he gained a lot lololol like his face got bloated. Right when I saw him I...

1. *High five!
2. "Long time no see!"
3. *Bro-hug!
4. *Look at him...*point HAHA DUDE YOU GOT SO FAT

Lol. It's a wonder there are multiple people wishing for my obesity.

But even more so than friends -

So when I get off the bus I have to cross an intersection to walk to my apartment complex. Usually it's a bunch of students walking together cause classes ended and what not. There was still some snow on a ground so we're all just walking through it and the girl in front of me walking...

1. *steps on something she didn't notice on ground
2. *looks down and observes that she just stepped on a dead goose buried in the snow (lol it's been there for a while)
3. *registers that she just stepped on a pretty big, dead bird.
4. *begins to cry hysterically
5. It is here I pointed and ROFL'd

Haha, I don't know why it was SO FUNNY. I guess just the whole process of watching that unfold... I think what was worse was I was kinda embarrassed so I walked by her really fast but I couldn't hold in my laughter so I'm walking past her laughing like a douche haha. Omg she gave me the most dirty stare. Actually a couple people did... "Oh damn...can't believe I did that." BUT SOMEONE LAUGHED WITH ME probably cause I lol'd. We'll see how this habit pans out I suppose.

More recently,

I've been going to the gym this past week and I think for school volleyball the girls were working out. I must say, some of them were pretty freakin' hot. But as I was running I overheard...

"Omg, fckin' perv I needs to stop staring at my ass."
"Ugh, I hate it when there's too many guys up here."

Understandable. Men are animals, staring at your buttocks. And when you're all bent over straining on weights all hot n' sweaty, it's just rude to stare. Oh yeah - this is what they looked like from behind:

Yah no shit someone's gonna stare you stupid chick. Might as well just spray paint your bare ass and go out running in public. Put some pants on if you're gonna complain...

Or don't cause it's HAWT, errr impedes performance. (srsly how does that crap help anyway -_-)

Eavesdroppin' on baby mama drama

2010-03-07T15:36:00.000-08:00

So last night my neighbors were having a party. The only thing I know about my neighbors is that they are black, HUGE, one of them has a girlfriend, and they have a dog. They might be on some sort of U of I sports team cause they always have the gear on...not sure.

So at around 2am, someone at the party was getting into a tussle with a girl and they decided to step outside.

They were yelling and screaming and I didn't pay much mind until about 30 minutes later when I realized I could actually hear them pretty clearly. At this point it was late so I decided what a convenience it would be if I just turned off my light and got into bed and got in on the conversation. (My bed is next to the window, and so what? I was curious.)I must say, I was quite shocked at what I heard.

They didn't say each other's names...so they will just remain guy/girl.

Guy: Girl, you know where I been right?
Girl: ...
Guy: You said you didn't know me before but you know me NOW. You know where I grown up how you gonna act like that?
Girl: But TJ said -
Guy: Oh don't give me that bull about what T said. Fck what T said! This is about you and me girl!
Girl: But people saw you feelin' up that chick at Soma! How am I gonna let that go!?
Guy: I was NOT feelin' her baby! She got up on me and I was being a gentleman and tellin' her no. I won't lie people might have seen my touchin' her but it wasn't like that!

At this I said, oh my God that's not gonna fly.

Girl: Ugh, I told you that ho was tryin' to get up on ya.
Guy: Baby, I'm all for you girl!
Girl: Ugh...

Wtf.

Girl: But you ain't gotta touch her! (she started getting mad again) You makin' me feel like I'm all crazy and paranoid but I have every RIGHT to be. TJ was right I ain't havin' that! [starts walkin' away]
Guy: BABY. Don't you walk away from me girl. You know why I'm callin' you crazy n shit? It's cause you GOT to be crazy not to see my love for you girl! You feel me? You remember?
Girl: What. (like really cold) We both know you ain't committ-id (not committed. commit-id) to US.
Guy: BABY. I AM committed! No way you gonna deny that! You gonna be my baby's mama - that's all there is girl!
Girl: ....*sniff* really?

wtf.

Guy: Girl you know that's how we get down. We gonna do it like that.
Girl: Let's do it now.
Guy: huh?

lol the rest was just him tryin' to get outta that mess but I stopped paying attention cause I had to write this down.

Never tell a girl she's gonna be your baby's mama.

Engagement Presents

2010-02-24T11:20:00.000-08:00

Something I got off of http://boston.barstoolsports.com

Like I said.... you never think anyone can see you... til you know someone does

All smiles here!

Shame on You, Slut

2010-02-22T12:24:00.000-08:00

A reoccurring thing that happens to me is that I see things that people don't want people to see. Does that make sense? I mean it's not things like masturbating, no one wants anyone to see that unless you're some sort of exhibitionist. It's more along the lines of they don't want the people they know to see what they're doing... acts of unfaithfulness basically. Two instances call out to me the most cause they're so similar.

I only call the people mentioned in this sluts cause what I catch them doing is semi-slutty. K here it is:

My First Slut

My first was towards the end of my senior year in high school - there was some sort of dance going on for all the Korean kids 18 and under and my friend wanted to go...so we went. It was HOT and SWEATY and through the mist of sweat I see an acquaintance's girlfriend grinding up on some dude, not her boyfriend. I mean - no biggie, people do it. I mean this girl was cute -... i just remember her being like 5ft nothing actually.

And THEN 5 minutes later while she is dancing with some dog of a guy humping her ass this other guy walks up to them and starts grinding on her front. Seriously looked like they were trying to start a fire with their crotches from all the rubbing going on down there. Lol and at one point the guy in the front kinda grabs the guy in the back's shirt unknowingly to grind on her harder lolol so they're kinda like sandwiching her using each other as support. Finally, she makes eye contact w/ me, releases herself from the crotches and is like OMGGGGGGGG! blah blah blah plz don't tell. They always make it a big deal - I never say anything. I guess I'm good at giving you a 'shame on you' face.

Muscle Slut

During college I've had various attempts at going to the gym on a consistent basis... never really happens. There was a time where I did go nice and early in the morning for about a week. It's nice cause the gym is virtually empty at the time and you can do whatever. So muscle slut's boyfriend goes to a different school. I know them both...not well but I know them. So I'm going to go bench press and there on one of the benches muscles slut is sitting on top of some guy lying down and she's grinding her ass on top of him. From my angle I was like OMG ARE THEY HAVING SEX?! * go look closer * BUT! she wasn't on his wang. She was on his STOMACH and she was like grinding on his abs? -_- and the story went something like:

"Nooo~~~~~ we're just friends he was just telling me my ass was flabby and I was telling him his stomach was and we were seeing who's was harder [she said firmer but harder sounds better for this story purposes]."

Well m'dear I could tell you clearly from seeing that in terms of hardness it goes [your ass < his abs < his penis]. Lolol it was funny he didn't get up for a bit.

I mean it was so stupid cause there were OTHER people there but when I came they were all wtf... no shame.

I guess it's just funny you don't really think anyone sees until you see someone you know seeing YOU. Slut.

Spam Worthy

2010-02-12T14:47:00.000-08:00

Blah lazy.

It's nice to know people are reading my stuff. I get random people telling me "Haha, read your blog did that really happen?" Or my sister would call me and say "Omg Douglas, you're ridiculous!" (like the spell....harry potter). I love the comments, I never respond or delete em cause I like the reactions I get... but what makes me believe that I'm doing something right... is that I'm getting SPAM on my blog!

I mean someone out there programmed something that somehow saw my blog and computed "Y'know, this is worth my RAM space. Let's spam him." And i've been getting a bunch here and there. So I figured I'd share my spam. I picked out the most common one and it's from....

別亂想.

To be REALLY honest I thought it was someone leaving me a comment or link or something to a blog....seriously! lol I have no idea who that is or how to say it - it's in Chinese. igoogle translation made it into - "别乱would like to" So i'm guessing that foreign first part is a name and would like to.... and something naughty. Something naughty because it's PORNO SPAM! HEHEHEHE. I don't really know why I'd get porno spam... and on top of that ASIAN porno spam. Lol this is kind of a crude entry btw =P So of course I clicked on it! and found out it was porn and wtf'd

So here it is - analyzed by yours truly -

What I find the most interesting is that even though it's mostly in Chinese, the KEY points are in understandable to the English reader. You must be 18, as it is highlighted top left. It's obviously an Asian site, girl on left. To enter press the PINK flashy button - I mean c'mon who would make their exit button pink flashing (It was flashing but I took a pic so it's still) and the enter one grey. And something is LIVE - so I'm thinking it's a live web service type of deal.

I did not click further. I mean honestly I woulda explored further but I am deathly afraid of real spam and pop up nonsense or maybe the Chinese government is using their porn sites to get info outta me. WHO KNOWS.

But it was a... nice, reassuring thing to get.... this porno spam of mine.

HEHE

*edit*

I also noticed another spam....
I... can't go to it. url: Emo-boys.com

wtf no thx.

Tiger's #1 Fan

2010-02-01T11:10:00.001-08:00

So the whole Tiger thing is kinda old news - the man may or may not be in rehab for being addicted to sex and vicodin/ambien or w/e. But, what has been so beautiful about this tale is how it had unfolded and progressed to my mom - who I believe is his greatest fan, ever.

I believe it was a three part process:

Stage 1: The Accident

Tiger crashes his Caddy. Some speculation on what's happening, his wife is hailed as a hero for kinda saving him from the wreckage....why does she have a golf club in her hand?

Me: Ma - did you hear about Tiger Woods? He got into an accident.
Mom: Ah yes... oh poor Tiger...
Me: People are saying he cheated on his wife and she was trying to kick his ass with a golf club.
Mom: NO. You don't say those things. That's making rumor. Are you a Christian?
Me: Wtf. It's just what the news is saying.
Mom: Don't talk about it.

Stage 2: He's a Cheat

Woods has a mistress and apologizes. Accenture, Gilette, and some other big sponsors drop him.

[I made my mom watch the reports]

Me: All his sponsors dropped him.
Mom: It's okay.
Me: They said it's cause his character doesn't fit them anymore. They said his integrity isn't good for company image.
Mom: They don't know Tiger well. Tiger can come back from anything. (cause she does -_-)
Me: He had a mistress -_-.
Mom: She's a whore. My Tiger can do anything.
Me: wtf.

Stage 3: Tiger and Rehab

Settlement, rehab, etc.

Me: His wife is getting like $300 million bucks
Mom: She's a bad woman.
Me: Mom - he cheated on her, and he's a sex addict.
Mom: She's just GREEDY taking SO MUCH money. She made the rumor. See? You don't do that. Christian doesn't do that.
Me: wtf.
Mom: Tiger is going to rehab because he wants to show people he's CHANGING. When are you going to change and grow up?
Me: wtf.
Mom: ugggggggh, thinking about my son is so stressful. When will you grow and learn to fly (she uses this analogy like a bird leaving the nest and flying)? I can't take care of you forever. Learn to be like Tiger and fly so I don't have to worry.

wtf.

Customer Care - YOU DON'T KNOW

2010-01-26T09:23:00.000-08:00

Already busy - bleh. Anyway... I am dedicating an entry to:

Pavlov Media.

Pavlov is the internet provider at my apartment complex - I believe it is also the purple dog that I stabbed in that picture. They are basically a wannabe Comcast/Cablevision company that provides cable tv and internet. BUT THEY'RE SO BAD. SOOOOOOOOOOO BAD. I looked at some forums regarding this company cause I thought it was just my crappy apartment but apparently it's just an all around suck company.

One of the posts from dslreports.com was from a poster named "Pavlov sux dk"

"If at all possible, never get pavlov media as a service provider. Not only does all of their services suck, when you try and talk to someone on the phone you get some poonjab on the other side of the world who has never seen an hdtv or wireless internet devices. They read how to guides off of a computer and have no clue about the actual problem. You can never get an actual technician on the phone nor do they care to fix your problem. AVOID PAVLOV AT ALL COSTS!!!"

Several other posts like this from South Carolina, Florida, Wisconsin, etc.

I have had MANY encounters with Pavlov customer service... and I could definitely understand what people were ranting about. I've called many times in hopes that they would do something after my spam because the internet here cuts out or gets notoriously slow. I am generally a very patient person... until the last showdown I had with my customer care rep, Marcy.

Oh - I guess should explain my approach to customer services. I believe that even though you're frustrated and having problems with w/e service you're getting - if you're really friendly to the customer care rep, they're more inclined to help you. This was not the case with Marcy. I made this call during a 20 hr block of no internet.

Marcy: Hello, thank you for calling Pavlov, this is Marcy. Who am I speaking to?
Me: Doug Cho.
Marcy: Okay, Mr. Chow how can I help you. (Ok, so I SOMETIMES understand when people READ my name and say Chow. But HEARING my name and saying it. Wtf.)
Me: Basically--
Marcy: Is this your first time calling?
Me: Oh no. I think it's my 17th? Haha.
Marcy: There is no need to use sarcasm with me, sir I'm just trying to help. Can I have your phone number so I can view your past logs?
Me: Oh I'm serious! Yeah, it's 123-456-7890
Marcy: ... Oh... you've called quite a few times before.
Me: Yeah... I think 17. Heh. (Still trying to be nice)

(After explaining the situation)

Marcy: We're going to run some tests. Are you using a wired connection or wireless.
Me: I'm using my ethernet cord.
Marcy: No, you have to be plugged into the wall for us to know the cause of the problem.
Me: Yeah, the cord's in the wall.
Marcy: Are you sure you get it? Not the router.
Me: I'm positive.
Marcy: These tests are just wasting time if you're not.
Me: I'm plugged into the wall.
Marcy: Ok. Can you run a speed test for me at the following website: www.speakeasy.com/speedtest
Me: K, I'm trying.
Marcy: And?
Me: It's not loading. I don't think it's going to load y'know?
Marcy: You probably typed the URL wrong. It's W, W, W, - S as in Sigma, P as in Pit, E as in Ear, A as in Alpha, K as in.... K. E as in Ear, A as in Alpha, S as in Sigma, Y as in Yarn.
Me: Well, if I don't have internet, I don't think whatever way I type it it'll load.
Marcy: Can you try yahoo.com? That's W, W, W, Y as in Yes, A as in...
Me: My internet's not connected, I can't go to it.
Marcy: You're not plugged into the wall.
Me: Umm, Yes I am.
Marcy: Do you know what I'm talking about? You don't sound sure.
Me: The long black wire that goes into the port in the wall is in my computer.
Marcy: Okay, now try the speed test.
Me: Is this all we're going to do?
Marcy: It sounds simple but many people like yourself don't know -
Me: NO, IT'S YOU WHO DOESN'T KNOW. *click

And then I threw a chair out my window.

Busy Weekend

2010-01-23T21:28:00.001-08:00

[via gchat]

Me: Yo
Sent at 10:59 PM on Saturday
Me: yoyoyoyyoyoyo
Sent at 11:03 PM on Saturday
David: What
Sent at 11:11 PM on Saturday
David: What do you want
David: Hurry up
David: I'm jacking off.
Me: wtff

MLK Catch 22

2010-01-18T22:40:00.000-08:00

A quickie:

2010's MLK day was not a good day for me. Woke up with what I believe to be food poisoning. Basically woke up with a huge headache, then realized I had to throw up, then as I was trying to throw up realized I had to poop.

That crap always happens to me. When I have to puke, I have to poop. My body puts the two hand in hand. It's actually a huge dilemma cause if I drop a load I don't want to stick my face into the toilet fulla feces and throw up y'know? It's not even the feces - course I'd flush. I hate the idea of 'fecal matter'. Fecal matter just sounds disgusting. It's also everywhere which is double gross. Fecal matter. *Shiver. Almost as bad as period blood. *Shiver. Ugh I just grossed myself out.

Logically - you puke first, then #2 y'know? Face is out of toilet and it's all good. but it's so hard cause your body contorts all those random muscles to puke. Seriously puking is an ab work out for me. Abs are always sore when I'm done... and also so firm and so nice HAR!! Am I the only one? But then when you poo first and you're pushing and you're all nauseous and hyper sensitive to the stench... just makes you wanna puke!

One time I REALLY had to deuce and I thought I could hold my puke but I couldn't so I thought it'd be smart to lean over while still on the toilet and puke into my bathtub. Body is happy and face isn't shoved into bowl full of feces. Win/win!...

Never puke into your bathtub.

Time to sleep - I'm in my last semester of college. I kinda took two years off from school kinda so I've been here for a while. An ex-girlfriend called me Van Wilder. Like "you're my van wilder". Lol wtf. I laughed but I got mad inside haha. VAN WILDER NO MORE.

wtf Shorts

2010-01-14T16:21:00.000-08:00

Just a bunch of things that made me wtf around the time I came back to Illinois from home -

WoW Love

(Doesn't that look like Jennifer Love Hewitt?)

Some 16 yr old was having an online affair over the game World of Warcraft with a fellow 42 year old guildmate. The two would talk over vent (a computer telephone type of thing) and finally she decided to go see him to hook up. I think she thought he was 20. lol

It's crazy cause this actually happens a lot. I actually knew a guy who played with this one couple, a husband and a wife. He was always flirty with the wife and one day while the husband was away for some sort of business he joked that she should drive 4-5 hours to see him. And she did. Imagine that? Getting into a fight in WoW over an item that you want or something and the other guy going "OH YEAH? WELL I BANGED YOUR WIFE." Burn.

There was actually an incident a long time ago on WoW in which a guildmate had actually died in real life. The guild found out and decided to have a funeral for him. (So in wow you can control the appearance of your character - clothes and what not).

So they're having this virtual funeral for him... and then an opposing faction finds out and decides to raid the funeral (basically kill them all in-game.) So his guild died at his virtual funeral -_-

PD....A?"

I take the bus from O'hare airport down to my campus. I was sitting on the coach bus dozing on and off and I turn around cause I hear some giggling. It's dark so you can't see but I could make out this couple like...dry humping and hands and feet and wtf.

My toilet

While I was gone I had my friend house sit for me cause being away from your apartment for a long time makes sketchy people come out. I dunno why he's not particularly large but he takes MONSTER craps. He confessed to clogging my toilet after denying it because I noticed a brand new plunger next to my toilet. It's gotta be in my head or something but my toilet flushes aren't as strong anymore.

Wtf

This guy is Artie Lange. He's Howard Stern's lacky. He tried to kill himself via stabbing. Not cut his wrists or throat, STABBING. wtf. He stabbed himself 9 times. wtf. He's alive. wtf Beast mode.

Makin' Daddy Proud

2010-01-08T07:46:00.000-08:00

I'm at the airport - my dad predicted with all the new airport terrorist scares the security would be CRAZY as in: I would be frisked, my luggage would be thrown and strewn about, I would be interrogated for my secret identity.

And... things went as normal lol.

My dad has some interesting views on the world. These usually come up when we're talking about things like Christianity and it leads into the state of the world today. I mean arguing with the guy is hard because he abuses his privilege to not listen to me and just wait til I stop making noise lol. Pops just has high expectations for his son I suppose.

A little taste:

Dad: This terrorism stuff is getting out of hand. You know, everyone was happy with religion before Jesus came along.
Me: Well, he shook things up. But there was still conflict.
Dad: Yeah, that's not cool Christians and Muslims killing each other.
Me: Well, that's only the extremists...
Dad: No. People should get along.
Me: In a perfect world, we'd all get along but conflict is inevitable if you believe in different things.
Dad: Muslims and Christians won't be able to get along.
Me: Well many do but - not those extremists.
Dad: We should compensate and reconcile.
Me: Why?
Dad: For world peace.
Me: But what about the beliefs?
Dad: How would you reconcile Muslim and Christian relations?
Me: Globally?
Dad: Of course.
Me: ....
Dad: You don't know what you're talking about.
Me: You can't ask me that! How am I supposed to know?
Dad: Why not?

I mean there was a lot more to it than that... we talked about things like biopower, the Roman Empire (lol) and rising Muslim populations in blue collar areas in Europe blah blah politics. But his ultimate finishing move is answering this crazy question and when I don't know how to answer it's GG :pose for camera: peace out. I got my dad REALLY ticked off one time cause I couldn't answer... I was on the computer -

Dad: [walks in] You read the news?
Me: Yeah, now and then.
Dad: Sigh. Healthcare situation is terrible here.
Me: Seriously.
Dad: Canada is so much better.
Me: I guess cause it's for everyone.
Dad: How would you fix healthcare in the U.S.?
Me: ....
Dad: You don't read enough news.

I mean the guy reads a lot of news but c'mon. If I knew the answers to those questions I think I'd be chillin in the White House.

Dad: How do you think Newton came up with those kinds of physics laws?
Me: Observation? Genius?
Dad: What do you think went through his head?
Me: Like.. specifically?
Dad: Yeup.
Me: (Ugh)...I really don't know... I mean didn't he make calculus? (So I threw out a random trivia fact I knew to blanket the impact of my "I don't know" it's proven to work. I do it all the time now lol)
Dad: Hmph. You need to think about that more.

Lol he got really mad at me after that one - something like "You waste your time thinking about nonsense!"

Dad: When you worked in Chicago what did you think about the economy?
Me: I mean the DOW dropped like 700 points the first day I worked (I threw that in there cause I knew something was going down. Again the blanket.) - it sucked.
Dad: Geez... that bad huh?
Me: Yeah - it was pretty sad.
Dad: What was the solution you came up with?
Me: ....
Dad: ?
Me: For the recession?
Dad: Yeah.
Me: I don't know what I'd do...
Dad: How do you not know after you worked?

So please, I need your help -
How do I solve Muslim and Christian relations globally?
How do I solve U.S. healthcare problems?
What went through Newton's head when he came up with theories?
What do I need to do to get our economy out of the recession?

Wikipolice

2010-01-06T13:24:00.000-08:00

I tried to edit the entry 'Maryland' by putting the word 'penis' in a picture caption.

5 seconds later my edit was deleted. I did it again with something else and again deleted. I then received these PMs for both violations. The man responsible for my capture: a fellow named MANWAY... -

"Such edits constitute vandalism and are reverted." What's interesting is for the words vandalism and reverted he makes them LINKS to the wikipedia entries for the words as I have done here. Most likely a move to make me feel stupid? Bastard got me.

Basically he's saying, "Hey idiot. Quit fckin' editing this or no more wiki for you. Pwn'd." - Love, Manway. (lol I actually tried to MAKE a wiki page for "no more wiki" with a short definition of what that would mean and literally 5 seconds later it got deleted. Wikinerds mean business when it comes to their wiki.)

Sorry, Manway

Parenting 101: The Korean Sex Talk

2010-01-03T08:56:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year :)

First entry of 2010 - my mom wants me to make it a good one... apparently.

SO. I'm home for the holidays - a lot's happened I'll talk about it in the future but...this is just something that I must get off my chest.

So my mom decided to sit me down and have the sex talk with me while I'm on break from school. Lol. I love my mom - I mean sometimes she forgets my age but I know she loves me with all her heart. She looks through my facebook sometimes to see any prospective girlfriends and gives me the down and dirty about them based on how big their noses are, how sharp their chins are, foreheads, teeth. It's interesting, maybe it'll come up another time.

Wait.

I gotta describe my dad's attempt at a sex talk first.

I'm sitting on the couch just hanging out watching T.V. and pops sits down next to me. My dad always tries to have this swag about him... so he sits down and -

"So - you been having sex?"

wtf.

Me: uhhh
Dad: Always use a condom. You got me?
Me: ... k
Dad: Good.

That was when I was 19. So almost 5 years later my mom decided it wasn't too late to take a crack at it. So... while we're looking through my facebook for fun -

Me: What about her?
Mom: Nono - she's mmm too dark-skinned.

My mom's not racist and the girl wasn't black, her skin was just dark toned. Ok I take it back, she's a little racist - but the girl really wasn't black.

Me: What's that supposed to mean?
Mom: Dark-skinned girls are too sexual crazy. SOOooo sexually demanding. The man, he comes home and he's so tired from work and they just keep bothering them and bothering them cause they want the sex. It's annoying for the man!
Me: (lol) Really now?
Mom: The dark skin girl always wants to be the sexual and the man is so tired from sex all the time they can't work properly if that happen. Stay away.
Me: ...Ok.
Mom: Why? You like the dark-skinned girls? Do they ask you for sex?
Me: wtf
Mom: You keep them away! I chase them out of my house.

MOM SAYS STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU DARK-SKINNED SEXUAL FIENDS.

A Holiday Short

2009-12-28T15:05:00.000-08:00

Amidst all the holidays that are going on of course there are holidays sales. I went to the mall today with my fam and HOLY CRAP IT WAS PACKED. I feel like Garden State Plaza (the mall I went to) is becoming sort of a tourist spot cause there is no clothing tax in Jersey so everyone takes their friends from out of state there.

But geez traffic was insane I definitely feel that east coast drivers are much angrier than midwest ones. So we're driving and this lady's trying to get in but my dad's not letting her and she's in the way of this other lady so everyone's mouthing curse at each other (well pop's was screaming em and they probably were too but they can't hear) and I thought to myself "Man, people gotta calm down it's the holidays."

I made eye contact with the raging fat lady in the Ford focus trying to get in (it's kinda weird every time I try to recall how an angry fat white lady looks I just imagine Rosie O'Donnell lol) and I give her a curt smile and a short wave (I am sitting shotgun). I definitely feel this sign is very powerful. I'm going to elaborate on this move in the future... it's pretty interesting. Fat lady did the arms up in the air and head back "UGH... sigh" type of thing. She stopped having a tantrum and we went on our way and everyone is kinda sorta happy.

So in short... use the wave. It's the holidays man.

Home is pwn

2009-12-21T21:53:00.000-08:00

No tests for a while!!!!

And no real incident at the airport!!!!

When I was younger I used to hate coming home from school due to the fact that I had become sick of the surroundings and tired of not being able to do whatever the hell I want without some sort of criticism (from mom and pop mostly).

Lol - maybe it's cause I have two roommates now but I freakin' love home. Here are a couple things that have recently made home pretty awesome:

My relatives like to get trashed on holidays -

I got really drunk at Thanksgiving family gathering...My cousins really like to bring on the drinks - so hard to say no when they tell you how expensive it is and how they're just FREELY giving. I THINK I hid it pretty well... someone commented that I was able to hold my drink well... and then this conversation ensued with my dad:

Dad: Hey, can you drive home?
Me: Dad... I'll be honest, if I drive we gonna die. (I spoke ghetto speak to him)
Dad: Alright. (Lies down and passes out)
Me: What're you doing?
Dad: I have to sleep a little (to sober up)

Patty don't tell dad I put this here.
My mom and sister are a big part too. My sister's 30 years old and when we're together we both become 12 and 10 (obviously me being the slightly more mature).

I live in a great neighborhood with LOTS of great Asian food. In my area it is actually Korean fried chicken that is the fried chicken of choice!!!!

And on the topic of food, you won't find managers as demographically savvy as the ones in our area!
Take WENDY'S for instance.

Ahh yes there she is - pale as a ghost.

There is a particular WENDY's at a mall in an area that is demographically minorities. Obviously the manager was smart enough to appeal to them! The mall decided to open up a store featuring Wendy's distant cousin Wakeisha.

Me pointing @ it.. I'm thinkin mom's sister had a thing for the dark skinned man.

Click it for a bigger view!

<3 home! I'll update a lot while I'm here :)

THE WORST AGAIN

2009-12-12T20:01:00.000-08:00

Ugh! Sorry for another delay - right when I got back to school I found out I was swamped with work lol.

Anyhoo - first thing's first.

I wrote about my experience @ the airport - but then ON the plane... My seatmate was totally trashed outta his mind, it was pretty ridiculous. When drink's were offered he ordered a gin and tonic and then began to talk to me about iPods. He said:

"So my iPod...I can shake it like this *shake shake* and it'll shuffle the song. See? *shake shake* Wait, wtf... it's not shuffling." *shake shake* wtf? *shake shake shake shake shake shake shake THROW* And he THREW it down on the ground. And I looked at him and he looked at me and smiled and said, "Heh I bet it shuffled then." lol

After that he passed out... on my shoulder. I had window seat and I was leaning AWAY from him on the window and he was all over me...big burly 200 pound drunk guy. Cute.

I've been prompted with this a lot nowadays cause I really wanna do some sort of video blog.... but what do you think is a formula for a hit series youtube account? Kevjumba is apparently the #1 most subscribed Youtuber.... even Jessica Alba responds to his videos.... but I honestly don't think he's that funny! And there's this guy "Fred"... he gets millions of view per video and his stuff is absolute garbage. Like, I get angry thinking about the people who enjoy his stuff and think that they are the reason this world is going into the gutter... seriously that bad. Every episode deserves to be hated on - such garbage i hate him.

But one girl... Michelle Phan has found this formula to get tons of hits. What she does is teaches different make up things. I mean it's clever - and she's successful. But there was one episode that I came across... it has earned its place on THE WORST.
Basically this video is to learn how to do make up and dress up like "Sailor Moon".

I have a couple notes for you to read as you watch... you can skip the whole make up thing and go to the end.

(Lol someone commented: "I will never look at the moon ever again cause of you." lolol)

So skipping to 7:40...

7:40 - Finished product... she doesn't look remotely like sailor moon. She looks like a prostitute.
7:52 - Talking about Luna? "SO CUTE!" and then she goes into talking about her monkey... from family guy wtf.
8:13 - "HER MESSAGE BEGINS" OMG listen to this pile of crap.
8:18 - lolol good camera man... zooms in to cover her butt. the wind blows her skirt up as she posing lololol
8:22 - Make up is similar to a superhero costume wtf? No duh you feel more confident your face looks totally different.
8:30 - It's your "alter-ego" (caption says POWER)
8:38 - Every girl has a sailor moon in her with dreams blah blah blah held back blah blah blah 'waiting for someone to accept you for who you are' so put on your fake face. Make yourself look like a whore, boys will like you.

Ugh I thought i could do it but the rest is too cheesy to write about. I agree. I will never look at the moon the same. Cut the self help stick with make up toots.

Airports Again: Boston Thoughts

2009-11-28T14:10:00.000-08:00

Airports love me -

I had a flight to Chicago with a layover in Boston...

Flight to Boston got cancelled got on the next one 3 hrs later.
Land - missed my original flight to Chicago - next flight to Chicago has a broken fckin plane. Nice. AA stinks. Last time I flying it...

I was supposed to arrive at my apartment around 8pm. Now I'll be in around 1am.

It's ok... I have internet here. Boston sucks, even though the airport is nice I just don't like Boston. Boston makes me think bad things. I think being in BOSTON just makes the delay worse. Bleh.

So there's this couple sitting across from me - I'd say a new couple about to get married, early 30's late 20's. They keep scowling and scoffing at this baby that's upset. I am secretly wishing that their baby screeches like a banshee.

There was a kid to my left (Ugh, I need a camera!) with his family. Totally nice family cute dog... but the kid (about 7, 8?) had this long ass ponytail and a thick ass neon pink game? book. I couldn't stop thinking of all the homosexual possibilities that waited for this boy.

Just like this one. So gay.
(This picture was titled "Chinese Ponytail" lol)

There's this girl sitting to my right - I have no idea what school she goes to I'm assuming it's something around here and she won't stfu about how she's going to Geneva for a 2 year program for interpretation for English, Spanish - and French. "You can't leave out that it's for French too." Se taire! (shuttup? I think) "Geneva's a REALLY good school for it. And then, I can work at the UN and what not." I hate her, and then she asked me to watch her stuff. But I secretly wasn't watching it, I was typing crap about her while no one watched her bag.

Lol. I feel better now. Gonna order a fat CALZONE right when I get back.

Saving the World - One Dog at a time

2009-11-23T20:23:00.001-08:00

I HAD A CAMERA FOR THIS POST!!!!!!

So - I was on my way home from studying at around 3am getting dropped off by my friend Clarisa. She stopped in front of my building to drop me off and then we see this little dog just SKITTER across. It wasn't fast like a roach - but I used skittered cause it was so weak that's what it looked like it was doing (and mind you it was COLD and RAINY).

After a little bit of coaxing the dog and convincing ourselves it is our duty to take this dog in....we take it into my place - dry him off and realize he smells like asshole. I also did not know this would consume 6 hrs from thence

For lack of a better word cause he really smelled like asshole. So I decided to shampoo him a lil bit - and I know shampoo is bad for dogs for some reason but he really did smell like the butthole of a cow/horse.

Even then his smell lingered and he was still shivering so we wrapped him in some dry towels and I tried to feed him a hot dog.

Bad idea.

He threw up the hotdog and omg it smelled even worse and he just kept puking a lil bit by bit. SO next best thing - I fed him Honey Nut Cheerios lol. The reasoning that it's KIND of like dog food... And he ate it like a BEAST - literally like 3 bowls.

Here is post feeding:

I tried to lock him in my bathroom so I could get some work done but he would not let this be a half assed save - this was a full time job. (Hence he was given the name 'Prince Baby' cause when left alone he cried - he needed to be pampered ALL NIGHT.)

As you can see :

Lovin' the attention

Prince Baby did not know how to do anything like sit, shake, stay, roll, or play with a ball - but he was extremely loyal. I think he recognized that his life was saved that night cause when we took him out for a walk (TWICE) to poo he followed us around no problem without a leash. I was so convinced he would poop after eating all those cheerios... I mean that's so much fiber. But nothing! I took him to shrub after shrub and then to a lamp post and then a fire hydrant....no poop. This gave me some dissatisfaction the first time - I almost felt constipated - so we tried again but no poop. Whenever I would walk from spot to spot he would frolic in between my legs...so cute!

I was scared he was sick I wouldn't have been able to take good care of him so I sent him to the Humane Society. I no longer have Prince Baby and I really do miss him... But I got some good videos!

Here is the Prince snoozing. He would only sleep when we were with him....

Here's me trying to teach the Prince how to dance in my bathroom:

Honestly - I've never seen a dog with its kahones before - they're always neutered!

(Bob Barker reference...)

and I thought it was hilarious.

Balls. lolol

Owned, Little Chinese Girl!

2009-11-16T13:18:00.000-08:00

I know I know - another long break, I've been sick.

Straight to business.

My school uses a method of keeping attendance and participation in large classrooms via a mechanism called an iClicker.

This stupid thing is definitely not Apple affiliated - I have no idea why it's 'iClicker'. The dreaded things are 30$!!!!!! And VERY elusive...I've lost a couple =T Don't yell at me, Patty.

So basically you register your school ID to it and when you click in Answers (A-E) it registers that to this receiver the teacher has. SO - you can imagine during a Powerpoint the teacher posts up a question and people are busy clicking away while a timer counts down (usually 30 seconds). When this timer is finished your answer will no longer register. When it registers you get a green light, when it doesn't you get a red.

You can change your answer all you like - the last answer you put in is the one that will count.

SO! In my insurance class the teacher uses this method HEAVILY. I must admit that I'm not the best at these questions and it's a very common thing for people to look at other people and see what they're clicking. I mean c'mon - it doesn't hurt anyone it's just for participation points.

WELL, there's this one Chinese girl in my class (she's a fob and speaks obnoxiously loud) who seemed very confident about her answers so I had decided to take a peek at what she was clicking ( I was sitting directly behind her). I don't want to be shady so I'm pretty obvious about the fact that I'm looking.

So this particular question is multiple choice A-E. I was able to eliminate it to either A or B, so if I saw her click in anything else I would dismiss her and move on.

She clicked B. So naturally I thought "Sweet! B!" And clicked B. She then proceeded to click B once again with about 10 seconds left to go... fine. The count down is about to end.

9...

8...

7...

6...

5... Huh? She's still holding her clicker..

4...

3... She pressed B again K... (I did too just in case)

2...

1... QUICKLY AND CONFIDENTLY SHE PRESSES A

0!!!!!!! I tried to press A but my answer didn't register (I got the red light)

In total shock I look at her and she turns around and gives me this ugly UGLY UGLY "Heh." Kind of look. So smug - like really? So I sat back in my chair all discontented and angry as our teacher went over why the answer was the answer. WHO DOES THAT?!

AND THE ANSWER WAS B.

And then she began to blabber all high pitched and frilly to her friend in Chinese like wtf? kind of deal.

So, I slowly leaned forward near her head , smiled courteously and said....

"Owned."

HAHA

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-30T15:07:00.000-07:00

I know it's a day early but I don't think I'll have time to post tomorrow

I want itttttttttttttttttt:

Definitely went to a bar, transformed in front of a chick and got laid.

Girl, Calm Yo'self

2009-10-28T17:29:00.000-07:00

Whew busy week!

I was at an event called FACT. Supposedly the biggest Filipino American conference where people come to perform dances, spoken word, sing.

There was one spoken word girl that talked about girls cat calling her and racist remarks and what not. Y'know throwing it down Def-Jam Poetry style. She definitely fit that stereotype of 'empowered' woman exposing man pigs. It was good stuff. Kinda angry... I guess due to subject matter. So she was that 'angry, empowered' woman.

The whole 'Empower the woman!' 'Women are beautiful' 'Strong Woman' thing is everywhere - and I'm not saying it's a bad thing at all. IT'S NOT A BAD THING.

IT'S NOT A BAD THING.

... IT'S A GOOD THING

But honestly, some women overstep their bounds for real. Definitely puts men in a position where they can't really do anything cause they become THAT man. Perverted, unfaithful, and sick man. Something like this (Happened at a bar):

*Man bumps into woman
*They look at each other

Man: Sorry... *tries to walk away
Woman: EXCUSE ME?
Man: Huh
Woman: What were you trying to cop a feel or something?
Man: WHAT?!
Woman: DON'T YELL AT ME!
Man: HUH?!
Woman: UM, YOU'RE LOOKING AT MY BOOBS?! *points at boobs,

Y'know what the reaction here is? TO LOOK AT THE BOOBS.

Man: *Quickly looks up* I WASN'T!
Woman: OMG YOU JUST DID IT AGAIN! PERVERT!
Woman's Large, muscular, presumably semi drunk friend: What's wrong?

Poor guy... I only got to watch up til there but still... She was on the offensive and he just got smaller and smaller. And I believe that's the initial reaction of most guys. I mean yeah men can be perverted, ogle at women, some do try to slap/grab a tooshie. But there's always that girl who thinks they're ALL DOING IT TO HER. "Omg, he won't stop staring." "Omg, he keeps staring at my legs cause of my short, short skirt." "Ew he's looking at my cleavage."

If you're going to be like that - Don't wear the fckin skirt. And put on a sweatshirt. The reason you're so cold and nipply when you go out at night is cause it's WINTER. lol

I ran into one of these situations myself. And Asians are definitely stereotypically passive... BUT SHE PICKED THE WRONG ONE TO GIRL-POWER TRIP ON. Errr I mean - I do believe I handled the situation well.

I was at a bar texting a friend who was supposed to have drinks with me. I was standing in a rather crowded area and as I was texting a girl approached me with her disgusting looking errr I mean disgusted looking (hehe) friend.

Girl: Um, did you just take a picture of my friend?
Me (Shock): No! I was texting!
Accuser: UM I SAW you take a picture of me.

And my initially reaction was to go on the passive-defensive.

Me: Look! (I flip through my album, no picture of girls there) I didn't!
Accuser: No, you DEFINITELY took a picture of me, creep!

And here I realized - "Wait, W-T-F." But you have to choose your words carefully. *edit* Seriously like INSULTED she would even THINK I would do that.
Me: (Half smile, lean in, and very calmly) I would NEVER take a picture of someone who looks like you - So you don't have to worry 'bout it. K? (Pwn. Walk away.)

I did not establish any superiority over her - but stated and expressed my preference.

NOT YOU, UGLY!

*For the record - regardless of what the girl looked like - if she approached me like that my reaction would have been the same. A girl actin' like that is sucha HUGE turn off.

Doo Doo Diwali UNGG!

2009-10-17T08:30:00.001-07:00

I am back from yet another busy week and hiatus from blogging - back in the spirit of Diwali! I have no idea what it is and what it's about cept that it's some sort of festival in Hinduism or something. I honestly just liked the name -_- - I just know it was today.

Yeah - pretty random...and going with that I have a couple random things.

-Arranged Marriage-

I wasn't really aware people still did it. Mostly Indian cause the only people I know that do it are Indian. My friend David was good friends with this guy and after a while the guy just disappeared, screened all of Dave's phone calls, and stopped communicating. Finally, the guy calls him back and -

David: Dude, wtf why haven't you got at me?
Guy: Dude - I've been busy. I got married in Palestine.
David: WTF? Is your wife hot?
Guy: Hehe, yeah.

Holler. I guess that's a lot of faith in your folks to not pick an ugly - I mean c'mon - it's arranged so you're not gonna know their personality and blah blah blah, first encounter with your wifey is all looks.

There's this girl in my English class who likes to draw attention to herself and she is also getting an arranged marriage. She just complains and complains and people feel sorry for her -

Girl: UGH! I can't date anyone there's no point! I really wanna run away!
Class girl: Yeah! Just do that!
Girl: But it's really different when your whole family is just lined up telling you you have to marry this guy. It sucks so bad...He sent me all these engagement rings to pick from and I rejected them all. But by next week I'll be back with a 3 karot rock on my finger
Me: (eye roll)
Class girls: Awww.
Class guy: You should sell it and use the money to run away!
Girl: I'm just going to throw it out.

And this continued for like...10 minutes. So I decided to speak.

Class girl: Do you know what he looks like?
Girl: No, no picture - I'm going to hate him I know it.
Class girl: Awww I fee-
Me: What if he's really hot?
Girl: Huh?
Me: What if he's smokin' Indian Brad Pitt man of your dreams hot?

And I wanted to say...but I didn't wanna get lynched:
"I mean seriously - what if he's hot, smart, and pwntastic? And it's actually HIM who's stuck with YOU." lol I shoulda.

-Sharting-

It happens. It sucks. Especially with new fresh underwear on.

-Millionaire Bakers and their kids-

My friend Chris drives an Audi A4. Very nice car - and thus this conversation with his little brother's 11 yr old friend.

Brat: What car do you drive?
Chris: ....an Audi A4 why?
Brat: Do you not have money? Why do you drive that piece of crap?
Chris: ....I have no other money for another car...
Brat: I can see that. I have money. I got $30,000 from Hanukkah last year.

wtf?

Brat: I'm going to drive a lambo.

I like to see brats like that get hit by buses.

lol Jk. Kind of. And his dad is a baker for a lot of the big restaurants in NYC so he wakes up everyday at 4am, bakes a lotta bread and sells it to the restaurants. Anyone want to start a bakery?

-In Korea, tigers go "UNGGGGG!"-

Little kids like to pretend to be animals and play and what not. In America, a child being a tiger goes "raaaah!!" "Rawr!" "Roar!" "Growl!". In Korea - a Korean child being a tiger goes "UNGGG!!" "UngGG!!!" "UNNNNNNNNNNGGG!" Where the fck did we get that noise from?

And PLEASE note fearless ice cold baby stare in picture. Wtf? lol.
Sigh - I'll try to update sooner next time.

Finally... Geeks again

2009-10-07T10:56:00.001-07:00

I've been having a really rough couple of past weeks. Exams and what not.

But finally - what I've learned about Gaming Geeks. This post is pretty vulgar and offensive but pretty interesting cause you'll only see it if you play games.

This population of people is....

the most VULGAR, most RACIST, most PERVERTED group of people you will ever meet. Ever. And yet why does this all go unnoticed?!

That'll take us into their HABITAT.

These guys are often referred to as the "Keyboard Warriors". They'll talk smack all day, as long as their behind a computer screen. When it's in person it's a totally different story. Perfect example of a friend of mine:

1:11 PM
urameshiikokushi:dude i beat this one HUGE black bitch at this one tournament
it was such a close fight
me: ahaha
and then?
urameshiikokushi: when i won i wanted jump up an scream
urameshiikokushi: yeaaaaaaaaa ni*****eeerrr <= note: (I don't care for censoring but... just feels wrong to have that there. Shrug.)
urameshiikokushi: but i controlled myself
img
omg
i couldve died that night
rofl
1:12 PM
me: omg i'm blogging this
urameshiikokushi: he was gigantic
leave my name out of it
me: lololol
urameshiikokushi: what if that black guy happens to read ur blog
omg
urameshiikokushi: he would cleanse my colon with his anaconda penis
me: HAHAHAHA

And you can see the perfect package of vulgar, perverted, racist gamer.

Though seemingly primitive and immature and whatever else you want to call it - I must say... these people are the best shit talkers ever. Ever. Their sole goal: to make you angry. I mean - the majority of these guys have got to be under weight, average joe guys who would probably get their heads knocked off. But with the protection of a monitor, internet connection and in-game alias - the mouths keep runnin' (and everyone i mean EVERYONE talks about everyone's mom).

And I've noticed a certain classifcation and style that these geeks decide to use.

The most popular:

Racist spammer.

I believe the strongest characteristic is the constant abuse of the word: ni**er. Seriously, the word just gets thrown around. To be honest, I really believe that it's because gaming geeks assume that black people don't play games like WoW and DotA. Stereotypically, anyway. Aside from the racist part this is the guy who says:

Racist spammer123: You fcking suck you ni**er.
Me: Dude, chill out.
Racist spammer123: lol why you mad?
Racist spammer123: lol you mad?
Racist spammer123: YOU MAD?!
Racist spammer123: LOL YOU MAD?!
Racist spammer123: -spam- YOUR MOM
Racist spammer123: -spam- YOUR MOM
Racist spammer123: -spam- RACISM
Racist spammer123: -spam- YOUR MOM AND RACISM
Racist spammer123: -spam- I SEX THEM
Racist spammer123: -spam- GAY GAY GAY
Racist spammer123: -spam- YOUR MOM RACISM GAY

etc. etc.
Words definitely lose their meaning within the gaming world. When someone arises as victorious it used to be just:

cockywinner212: OWNED. OWNED. PWNED. (another form of owned)

but now it's -

cockywinner212: RAPED. RAPED YOUR ASS. I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOO RAPE.
Yes, you can 'be rape'.

Then you have your typical smartass - who usually gets into contention with the spammer. Such scenario goes as this:

Racist spammer123: Omg player 5 you fckin suck so much just die
Obviously asian name: stfu you're terribad too
Racist spammer123: Fckin' gooks. Go fck a dog chink.
Obviously asian name: Please don't call your mom a dog.
Me: lol

Lol - these guys are either really funny or really lame.

And then you have that idiot geek like...you're just wtf? why would ever say that. And this guy always runs into the most inappriopriate person ever.

omginappropriate5: idiotgeek666 you're so fckin bad go die
idiotgeek666: stfu, kid (note: people use the word 'kid' to belittle others....it never works)
omginappropriate5: lol kid - you're still a virgin I bet. I'm here fcking your mom.
idiotgeek6: my mom's dead.
me: wtf?

WTF? why would you say that?!?!?! WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT? and then...

omginappropriate5: Yeah you're right - but i'm still here fcking her still.

omgggggggg - ONLY because you will never be able to put a face to the name.

I will close with a quote straight from the subject:

Me: Writing about gaming geeks like you
urameshiikokushi: i think im on the extreme side tho
like i dry humped my friend when i got first place in a tourney

honestly.... typical. Revenge of the nerds anyone?
I guess not really a post I want out after hiatus but - w/e.

omg -edit- This is literally write after I posted:

Urameshiikokushi: i am quite possibly
the best sf4 player
ever
me: tell that to the china town guys who kicked ur ass
Urameshiikokushi: dude
i was just being modest
i beat justin wong(really famous gamer) so bad
he pulled his pants down
and bent over
and said
do what you will
mastuhhh
tru story

-edit x2-

Urameshiikokushi: i hope your blog dies now
and any personal attacks made on me on the comment
i will respond
with my gaming geek tendencies
Urameshiikokushi: and i will do so in the most vulgar manner possible
dead babies
scat
incest
animal sex
etc etc
I WILL INCLUDE IT ALL IN ONE MASSIVE DIATRIBE

?!

SOYBEAN RAGE and LAZY DANCING LEAF

2009-09-23T15:01:00.001-07:00

So I said I'd talk about geeks again - I lied. Next time. This is more urgent.

There's been this INFESTATION of bugs lately on campus. I hear it's across the nation - but I could be wrong. I mean - I don't really mind bugs. If I see one I'll kill it and that's that. But I'll tell ya, bugs really know the power of numbers.

So what's been infesting us lately is these guys:

Soybean Aphids

They're about the size of half my eyelash and I'm pretty sure they die if you blow on them. Fragile little buggers. BUT THEY KNOW NO FEAR. They just fly around and land on you - and stay there til you kill em. From class to class I'd say I'll have 14 or 15 on my arms/clothes. Seriously lookin around on campus when the sun is setting it looks like there's flurries everywhere there's so many freaking bugs. But I was learning to deal y'know and this wasn't really much.

Today - I was walking towards the quad across Goodwin Ave. where the hedges line up near the buildings along the bike paths/street. And I saw this weird leaf dancing lazily (Yes, lazily) in the wind stuck to the hedge and I thought it as pretty cool so I went to look at it. (I really need a digital camera...UGH but I must say my MS PAINT skills are top notch)

Please note the wind marks as I thought the wind was making it dance.

So I literally wtf'd? and walk over to get a closer look and 10ft away I'm like whoa this leaf is crazy looking!

So obviously I wanna get a good look at this thing and maybe take it or something. SO... I went to go look real close and I see:

:ISUDFG:ISUDFGIUDSSDKJFBVSJH - I'M LOOKING AT FCKIN' APHIDS STUCK TO A SPIDER WEB. YOU KNOW WHY?! CAUSE THERE'S SO MANY DAMN SOYBEAN APHIDS RAGING AROUND THEY ALL GOT STUCK TO A SPIDER WEB AND IT TINTED THE WEB GREEN. AND THEY'RE ALL JUST TRYING TO MOVE SO IT MADE IT LOOK LIKE A LAZY DANCING LEAF.

Geeks next time.

Geeks part 1: Geek Lovers

2009-09-16T11:23:00.000-07:00

It's been a hectic week - I haven't had much motivation to post cause it was actually kind of depressing. A couple of people I've known died... won't get into details cause that'll totally kill my mood and the blog's mood. Patrick Swayze died too. I did my dirty dance in his memory.

What I've been wanting to post about is this influx of geek lovers and of course about geeks. And I'm not talking about people that just love nerds. But those hot actresses (No one in particular I'll keep it generic) that interview for w/e magazine and what not after they play some sort of comic book hero and usually their interview goes something like:

Macksim: So how do you feel about the majority of your fan base from the movie being hardcore comic book fans and in a sense - geeks?
Migan Phocks: Omg, I LOVE geeks. Something about them is hot. I grew up as a comic book fan so I totally love them.

Liar.

LIAR!

Liar!!!!

Hotness, you're telling me you love pasty skinned skinny men who go to Anime conventions dressed up as Naruto? Or the geeks who run around with the foam weapons and armor and go medieval on each other? (I really wanna try it though lol) Please. That's just like this scenario flying:

Geek: Hey girl, how are ya?
Hotness: Um, hello...
Geek: I just wanted to mention that my World of Warcraft character is lvl 80 and fully epic equipped.
Hotness: Omg, that's so hot.
Geek: I'm also the leader of my guild and handle all nightly 5 hr dungeon raids.
Hotness: That's so sexy - are you gonna buy me a drink or what?
Geek: Did I mention I'm a (whisper in ear) druuuuidddd~
Hotness: Oh~ I'm so hot for you~
Geek: Do you want me to channel my upgraded Tranquility or should I just cast Wildgrowth rank 3 and we get out of here?
Hotness: OMG TAKE ME NOW

Never happen.
And for visual sake here is a druid:

And here is a girl that does not exist:

And if I am wrong, please tell me where these women are. Sigh - I too am guilty of playing various computer games (WoW, Dota, etc.etc.) But hey - I did learn something about geek gamers - which I'll leave to part II of this cause I'm lazy. =D

Underwear Tangent

2009-09-07T12:26:00.000-07:00

Yeah - I've been really lazy to post lately but I do have an interesting topic I want to discuss in my next one. But for now...

So my mom sends me these packages - usually socks under wear and what not cause I always lose some here and there when I go home and back to campus. This has been going on ever since my freshmen year in college.

Now my mom used to just send me boxers. And then I'd say 2 or 3 years later she started sending boxer briefs which is all dandy they're really comfortable =P.

But in this year's first package she sent me some crazy ass underwear.......

I mean to elaborate - this underwear is kind of intimidating. I feel like they belong to a Calvin Klein model or a porn star. He-Man and Conan type of undwear. Thick waist band and all.

I dunno how I feel about this. But for some odd reason the one thing I do feel strongly about is that I gotta tan my thighs before I can wear 'em.

But thanks Mom - I will rise to the challenge.

Quick edit: Someone asked me if I thought about putting them on my head.

Yes. I have. And since they're black and grey it looks like a ninja mask.

Some of the Worst

2009-08-29T12:29:00.000-07:00

So the first week of being back on campus is over - pretty busy week now that I think about it. I realize I'm really good at geting myself into sticky situations. On Wednesday? I called my mom to let her know that all is well and I was high spirits so I stuck one of these in: "Umma - Noh loh wah~" (Mumsy - come here and play sometime/visit~) as a joke.... and of course she took it seriously. So I get a phone call from my dad later:

Me: Hello?
Dad: Hey, boy.
Me: Hi, dad.
Dad: So we should visit you huh?
Me: Huh?
Dad: I have to go somewhere the 24th of September, I need to know what's good for you.
Me: Uh...Well....The thing is -
Dad: So when's good for you?
Me: Well, y'know I don't really know my schedule TOTALLY so I'll have to figure tha -
Dad: Ok, Ok. I understand that. I know that. So when's good time to visit? We need to know these kinds of things to buy ticket early!
Mom: ARE YOU HIDING SOMETHING!?
Me: Huh?!
Mom: If you have something to confess to me tell me!
Dad & Mom: Blah blah blah (basically telling my mom to hang up but she wants to listen in)
Me: ....
Dad: Are you hiding something?

So I had to lay it on them that September just wasn't a good time (it isn't) since I was so busy doing all these activities. They always ask me "Are you hiding something?." If they knew I was a dealing drugs and getting high they'd still ask "Are you hiding something?" Never ask for something specific - just a broad question to see if I'll cave. Geez.

Anyway - I wanted to talk about what I think is "Some of the Worst". I hope to do a bunch of these cause there's just a lot of garbage on the internet. So I would like to share with you:

SHAKIRA MV - SHE WOLF.

I have taken it upon myself to study and disect this music video. So please read my notes and watch each section carefully or whatever else works for you. Be prepared for some really bad....stuff.

I timed it to this version of the video but they won't let me embed. Here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aEW_Z5Va5s

0:28 - Ok, I can see why some people would think what she's wearing is hot - But WHY is she in some sort of gemmed large intestine - and walking like a zombie?

0:31/32ish - ...She just gagged herself. And she is now proceeding to do some sort of cracked out version of the robot

0:41 - Crotch shot #1 skin colored tights now

0:42 - ...still holding that pose

0:45 - I dunno... cracked out body wave thing...it looks hard

0:53 - Crotch shot #2

0:56 - Weird dancing begins

1:00 - Crotch shot #3

1:12-1:14 - Lol - best move ever

1:34 - Please note the "Ahhh wooooo" howl in the music

2:09 - Crotch shot #4

2:13 - Lol wtf is she doing in the cage

2:26 - Lol same as above

2:45 - Body spasms

2:49 - 3:03 - The shoulder dance begins you have to watch this through... I don't understand why the director of this video showed it for so long

3:17/18 - Wtf. Random cage pose rofl

3:18 - 22ish - Tribal dance tribute

The lyrics are pretty ridiculous as well - you can look 'em up on your own.

Enjoy some of the worst =D

And in Other News...

2009-08-24T09:32:00.000-07:00

I've been really busy as of late, wasn't able to blog cause I was busy preparing for a huge student performance for new comers to campus called "How to Survive". Should be good times.

Just a bunch of things that I've seen...

Anderson Silva vs Forrest Griffin (yeah I know old news)...geez what an embarassment. I don't want to post up the youtube link to the fight cause there's an ad on it but it's pretty brutal. First round KO - Silva literally throws a tantrum and taunts Griffin and then knocks him down, let's him get back up, and knocks him back down. Ouch.

Two great shows from a while back have come back for some news in my life:

Family Matters and...

Fresh Prince.

Now of these three.... there are two men that are looked up to: Uncle Carl, and Uncle Phil. I can recall many episodes when they would sit whoever down and give words of fatherly wisdom. Or words of GAY fatherly wisdom cause both of them are HOMOS in real life. Yes - Uncle Phil and Uncle Carl (I don't care for their real life names those might as well be their real life names) are homos. That really shocked me... kind of hurt me - felt a little betrayed. Nothing wrong with being a gay parent... just...they're not supposed to be? Lol I even read somewhere they were homo with each other? Oh boy.

I would've thought Urkel or Carlton was a homo... meh.

edit -

For those who didn't get the weird reference - I call Carl Winslow Uncle Carl to match Uncle Phil cause little Richie calls him that. =P

Hometown Fun

2009-08-16T00:42:00.000-07:00

So I've been in Jersey for about a little more than a week. I must say I was really reluctant to come cause I hate jamming my stuff into a suitcase and going through the whole airport thing. The first thing I enjoyed was Ray's pizza. I've been getting sick of Chicago deep greasy crust - been craving big and thin (BBQ chicken and veggie mmmmmm) I think I've had it for 5 meals lol. I went karaoke-ing (karaoking?) twice...the karaoke bar we go to called "Duet" plays the actual instrumentals not the synthesized ones.......SO GOOD. If you're willing and able come along - no one does karaoke like we do ;) Good times good times.

I went to visit a college friend in Forest Hills (right offa Queens Blvd). I've definitely forgotten how driving in NYC is.

Nightmare.

Traffic was "clear" until a huge tour bus decided to get stuck. My mom's EZ pass for the bridge toll didn't work so I had to wait for an officer to come open it up for me...SO BAD. So many people shaking their head at me flipping me off and honking :( I'm not cut out for that kind of driving. Driving through Chicago even in rush hour does not compare. It's funny - it's like a different culture of road etiquette.

God willing I got there in one piece - we ate and went to see GI Joe.

Now, I knew what I was going to see that movie for. Fighting, guns, girls. Maybe girls with guns fighting (yes!)? And yeah for an action movie it was good, obviously it's not going to get high ratings (it was like 4-6 out of 10...I'm no critic) BUT WHAT MADE THE MOVIE A 10...

MY MAN FROM ALL IN (Korean drama)

Lee
Byung
Heon (sp)

He came out and was lookin' good in his ninja outfit slicing people up and then his mouth opened... and of course I held my breathe cause English with Korean accent is SO BAAAAAAAAAAAAD. Ugh like when Bi(Rain) was on MTV. I just wanted him to shuttup and die or keep dancing when he was talking. But it wasn't broke at all! Was definitely proud to see him in there - not everyone shares the same pride I do when I see a Korean entering into the mainstream movie arena... or any media for that matter - instead of being cooped up in dramas and romance movies that only Korean food markets distribute. It is most definitely a big deal! There's this random fight he just rips off his clothes and he's ripped. lol Ok no homo so I won't post a pic.

Afterwards we decided to drive into Manhattan to get the famous Halal Chicken and Rice.

lol "WE ARE DIFFERENT"

If you don't know this is just one of those tin can food stands that's open on the street corner.... that rakes in the owner an estimated million + a year. Seriously! There was an identical food stand, same exact type of food and format about 300 feet away - and not a soul was waiting in line. I've heard legends of these hour long waits for this food rain or shine and in freezing cold. Even at 130am the wait was 30 minutes with a line down the block and that was before the wave of clubbers coming out from being hungry. It was good. Of course my stomach was BUMPIN morning after but I have to admit the sauce is mysteriously amazing. Definitely sprinkling some crack in there.

After that I got lost on the way home but again - God willing I got home somehow... haha.

I'm going home in a couple of days so I'll update again there about some interesting things I've been seeing online =D.

Air Assault

2009-08-09T12:00:00.001-07:00

I flew home a couple days ago to New Jersey after coming back from a 3 hour drive from a church retreat.

So it was 3 hours to the retreat, 3 hours back, 4 hour bus ride, 2 hour airport wait, 30 min delay, 2.5 hour flight, 30 min drive home. A lot of time... so I've been tired.

I have to say my flights are always interesting. I always hope that one day I'll sit next to a really pretty girl and we'll have a deep, engaging conversation and then after we land we end up going to the same place... but for some reason I always get people who are most definitely 30 years my senior? I should start sitting in the back of the plane... On this particular flight, I was given seat 10E which was sandwiched between a man and a woman. The woman I would say was maybe 50-55, single (no wedding ring), and was involved with some Chicago health insurance group (I was secretly reading her paper work). She was pretty stiff - kinda the stereotypical old, single business woman.

The man to my right was 60-70, smelled like 2 day old after shave, but he was one of those smart guys that didn't care about accessories or whatever cause I was eavesdropping on a conversation he was having about some sort of *-onics or *-optics. Y'know like tectonics or fiberoptics or whatever. So (something complicated)-onics or optics.

So we're sitting there maybe halfway through the flight and I'm just dozing with my ipod on. Woman to my left is reading, man to my right is sleeping. And as I was peering from the man to the woman this smell assaulted my nose. I say assaulted cause it wasn't that type of smell where you get a whiff and then the strong smell comes in... it was just this blitzkrieg of old vinegar and onions, mixed with pig fat... what I believe to be... fart. I don't get how it just exploded inside of my nostrils - usually that kind of thick, pungent smell SEEPS in y'know? There was no warning! It was like napalm style!

^ Inside my nose

When you smell something bad you usually try to snort it out right?! But the stench was...STUCK to my nose smell sensing whatever things! I was in complete shock and as I was turning and I look at the woman she's looking at me like this:

HOW DARE YOU DESECRATE MY AIR!!!!!!!!

And we had one of those psychic conversations -

Her: What....*cough* may I ask you... came out of your ass?
Me: It wasn't my ass! I mean it wasn't me!
Her: Right. I am now ignoring you, you dirty, smelly asian boy. *Ignore
Me: UGH~ *bitter shame, despair, and face in palm

I guess it's a good thing it wasn't that girl of my dreams... but that old man definitely passed that bomb - I know it.

But yeah that was it for this flight - hopefully I won't have to handle that sort of situation in the future. Sigh.

And just some food for thought:
Someone was robbing a bank and was getting away so one of the bank tellers jumped out and chased him two blocks, beat the crap outta him and got the money back.

And then the bank fired him cause it was against policy. Something about that just sounds wrong. I kinda wish the world had more comicbook-esque heroes who would do those types of things... not just sit around cause "it's against policy". These people getting fired happens a lot actually.

Lol but a thief tried to pick pocket two Korean men in Italy and the men chased him down and proceeded to beat him up. The thief actually thanked the officer for arresting him =P. I'm too lazy to link the stories they're somewher in Yahoo! news.

For now I'm home, I'll try to blog soon but the house is hot so I get lazy =D.

Bad Boys Bad Boys....go after retards

2009-08-03T14:02:00.001-07:00

So I've been busy moving stuff and what not - things have been hectic. I didn't really have anything to talk about until the Gates fiasco had happened. Y'know - black professor being arrested for disorderly conduct in his own home.

I mean - that's never happened to me but it did remind me of when I had an encounter with the police.

This happened when I was 20, and was busy trying to be a professional poker player. A couple friends and I had heard of a house game to play at so we decided to go. It was so shady but being 20 I could only think of the movie Rounders and how awesome Matt Damon-esque I felt.

So we walk into this run down apartment with a poker table in the middle of it and sit down to play. The game wasn't huge, but I would say there was a couple thousand dollars on the table. So the story goes like this:

There's me, three guys I came with, this rich white kid who was high (the owner of the home was offering blunts to players), this chubby nerdy white kid, and some spanish/guido lookin' guy playing at the table. The rest were the host, host's friends, the host's muscle, and this other half white/black guy.

So basically, chubby nerdy white kid lost his money to the guido lookin' guy. Puts his face down and sigh'd, cried a little and left.

So...
*exit chubby nerdy white kid
2 sec later,
*exit half white/black guy
*re-enter half white/black guy
We keep playing...and THEN:

We see siren lights outside and a KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK on the door.

Ahhh omgggg clean up the chips, get rid of the weed, ahhhhh and some smart ass decided to open his mouth. Not sure who it was I think it was the high kid.

Smartass: We don't have to open the door, they don't have a warrant.
Police: *KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. We're gonna open the door anyway kid.

Pwned.

So after a while when we've already pissed these sheriffs off we open the door and they have guns out telling us to get to the wall. We get pat down and ID'd.

Haha we're just standing against the wall, the sheriffs threatening us about county jail and how we'll be raped by large tattooed men. Guido is acting cool cause he's been there (and perhaps the other also?) and high rich white kid is standing in the corner pale as a ghost, tearing up, and his hands are up like he's being held hostage. Why he is striking this pose... probably cause he was high haha.

Oh Lord, that sucked so bad. So what had happened was a robbery had occurred and the plaintiff cited one of the people at the apartment as the crook. So they decided to take us out 3 by 3 so that the guy who got robbed could ID us. Me, Iljeen, my other friend are sitting there saying "OH SH*T. IF THE ROBBER WAS ASIAN WE'RE SO SCREWED. WE ALL LOOK THE SAME." And I'm all thinking if I should make my eyes bigger. Then the sheriff yells at Iljeen, "HEY. WHAT'S SO FUNNY. WIPE THAT SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE."

And I kid you not Iljeen is not smirking nor does he think anything is funny. His face just looks like that cause he has smile eyes and big cheeks.

*Cop takes out gun.
"WIPE THAT SMILE OFF RIGHT NOW!"

And at this moment he's panicking cause he has no expression on his face. Haha so what he does is looks at the ground and starts licking and pursing his lips every 5 seconds. And most possibly tearing up. I heard a sniffle... and I'm probably just making that up

So we go out get ID'd blah blah blah blah and so we find out what happened:

Chubby nerdy white kid left after losing ALL his money. Emphasis on ALL. He leaves alone and half white/black guy walks out after him and tries to rob him. The idiot tried to rob a kid he just watched go bust and cry about it. Good job.

But THEN we find out, chubby nerdy white kid got robbed before after winning some money - BY THE SAME GUY. Idiot. Seriously? You're going to play a game that involves strictly money in front of a guy who robbed you a week before?OMGGGGGgggggggggggggggggg. I can't decide who's worse.

But yeah... relating to the Gates story... it takes a lotta kahones to be belligerent to a cop, even if it is in your own home.

Weak connection, I know :D.

I Like to Think My Friends Need Me

2009-07-27T22:47:00.000-07:00

Been busy - can't really update.

I like to think I have a positive effect on my friends. The lack of me causes terrible things to happen. This picture says most of what I want to say.

1. He's in the Peace Corps.
2. No he's not starved (though he's lost a ton of weight) and he has internet and a social life.
3. Yes, he's at an 80s party.
4. I did teach him how to dance... his current dance position is a key signature move of his OWN that he's MASTERFULLY using.
5. Doesn't his face portray a smug confidence as he approaches the girl? lolol

<3 you "Cho Guevara"! =D

Meet at Me the Club...

2009-07-19T14:46:00.000-07:00

Again another blog post that was inspired from a conversation. This time about clubbing.

It's actually been a while since I've gone clubbing - but it's really something funny to see how the way people act at them is something that hasn't changed.

The only reason that it's funny is because:

1. People act in very similar ways and they can be grouped together.
2. The actions are always the same.
3. When you look for it, it's SO obvious.

I guess the reason being behind the funny behavior is because clubs are dark, loud, and congested places - and you're probably never going to see whoever again. I'm very sure whoever falls into whatever group does not act like they do outside of the club - well almost, so I guess one could say the club brings out the inner... something.

I'll just name a few that stick out in my mind since you can make modifications to anything/anyone. I won't go into sexuality or race cause those really change things up and - I don't know I feel like it would be dangerous/too complicated to talk about and explain myself lol.

Regular Girl

This girl comes to clubs on a regular basis, but she's not the 'Regular' cause of her attendance. She can look hot or not. She's just that normal girl who comes with her friends (both boys and girls) to have a good time. She's willing to meet people outside her group - but it won't really go much further than that.

Regular Guy

No explanation necessary, see above.

Snotty Hotty

This girl either is that girl who is REALLY HOT (either plastic or not)/thinks she's really hot/knows she's really hot. She goes to clubs with only a few of her girls. If it's with a guy it's some hair greased juggernaut wearing one of those MMA t-shirts (usually TAP OUT) under a sports jacket and designer shades (at night). She's very critical of everyone and everything. Any guy who makes eye contact will suffer a condescending gaze from hell. If you try to dance with her - her ego will eat you alive... or her boyfriend. Not sure which one is worse.

Too Cool for School

That huge MMA guy is this guy. Or he's some (?) sized guy who rides a motor cycle. He's cocky and he hates you if he doesn't know you and talks crap about you if he does. If he bumps into you he won't say sorry, cause he's too cool for school (hehe). What a baddass... And yes 90% of the time he's stupid and his character is as stiff as his hair gel.

Naked Chick

The naked chick isn't naked - she just might as well be though. Usually she's one of those bar dancers or something on break. She's always surrounded by men but she likes the attention cause she's "working". If she's not, she's usually the category above. For some reason they're either 6ft tall, or fat. Weird.

Owl

Lol a girl-friend of mine helped contribute to this one. If you look to the sides of the dance floor there's always multiple (if not an abundant amount) of guys just staring at girls. I mean if you think about it it's socially acceptable for a group of girls to dance with each other - and really homo for a group of straight men to dance with each other (unless they're in a cypher or something -__-). They just stare, and stare, and stare, and stare, and stare until the girl feels it and stares back. And within that stare back they decide if they can dance or not. I do not understand cause for some reason they think a stare back means "Yes, I know you've been staring at me come put your crotch on my butt." This guy came to score and so did his friends. (Un)fortunately, success is seldom. He <3 naked chick/drunken mess.

Drunken Mess

Both men and women. Girls - usually some sort of birthday/bachelorette party/depression/alcoholism. Their clothes are falling off and they'll dance/make out with anyone, anything. A sad sight to see indeed. The men are usually much more belligerent and obnoxious - both are prone to get into fights.

Of course there's many more - but honestly thinking about the people I ran into at the club scene - it's funny to see how most fit into some sort of category... especially the "owl"s =D.

On Relationships

2009-07-12T16:14:00.000-07:00

I had an interesting conversation with a friend about ex-girlfriends...I figured I'd share some of our "learning experiences".

Me personally, I don't think I had it TOO bad. I've been hearing a lot of horror of girls breaking TVs, computers, etc. Geez, way to be destructive you women out there.

I mean I was even cheated on but what really sticks out in my head was a girlfriend I had earlier in college. We had a lot of fun together. Countless nights of her going through all my facebook girl-friends and asking me if I thought they were pretty or not. Lol how do you win against that question? If you're honest immediate counter was

"DO YOU LIKE HER?! DO YOU LOVE HER?!" <= (I'm quoting)

and if you lie it's "OMG you're sucha liar (yes I am, but who's perfect) you totally think she is." and you would have to dodge that with "No~ I can see why other guys think she's pretty but she's just not my fit/type/style!" I mean jealousy is definitely something most couples have to deal with but this was pretty nuts. Facebook was a big problem. I would know when I would have a post on my wall from a female before I even looked. The wall had to go for a while. And then there was one incident when I wouldn't tell her my e-mail password so she got really mad and threw a tantrum... and then I told her.

And then she checked my mail. Blah.

There's so many stories it just goes to show you can never win being paranoid/jealous in a relationship. I know a guy who broke into his girlfriend's car so he could check her text messages. BUT DILEMMA!

1. So you find nothing - you're STILL unsatisfied.
2. You find something and you're like "OMG SO SHADY" now how do you confront her and tell her you broke into her car to check her phone?

If you come into posession of your partner's phone...it's just best not to look into it. Haha I once heard a story a girl left her phone at her boyfriend's place and then he went to her place to bring it back. And~ dialogue:

*Knock
Her: Hey! Thanks for bringing my phone!
Him: (Slowly, low tone, menacingly) Who's ****? (Glare, slowly turn and walk away)
Her: But!
Him: (Not listening, put hand up y'know - cool backwards wave with fingers curled)

Y'see there's always a freakin' "but!". I mean to be honest - in my eyes the guy would've been so cool like in a drama had the situation been correct but when you look through texts...you fail to see that:

1. The reason texting occurred b/w said girl and **** in question was due to church events and these were mass texts. Such as "Foellinger Auditorium @ 630! Call if you need a ride!"
2. **** was actually said girl's church small group leader and text in question (Hey! 6pm for dinner?) was to meet up and pray.

I also had a really interesting refresh today at church (for a little tangent). I sat next to someone who was possibly involved in my life (He has the same name at least and kind of looks familiar?). This takes us back to girlfriend from earlier college:

So yeah our relationship was kind of dwindling to that "together but not together" sort of status. And she started hanging out with this guy - we'll call him G-Starred cause I don't feel like typing the ******'s. So yeah they started hanging out late at night consecutive days and she'd come back to the dorms and tell me about the board games and fun they had. After the 5th or 6th I don't even know date:

Me: You know he likes you right?
Her: (angry, again.) Ugh! How can you make that kind of judgment?! You've never met G-Starred. I think I would know a LITTLE better than you if he did or didn't. (scowl, scowl, scowl.) How would you even know?! (...scowl.)
Me: ...I'm a guy.
Her: (frustrated.) That doesn't mean ANYTHING!
Me: He likes you, I'm 100%.
Her: HE'S JUST NOT LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (FREAK OUT!)

(Kudos to you if you get the Freakazoid reference. I miss that cartoon =T)

Psh.

Next day? At least a couple days later. In her mailbox came: Mini-rose in mini vase with mini card:

But I'm a good guy so I didn't gloat - just let it fly. I'm cool like that ;).

Omg, I gloated so hard we got into another fight. I always lost those.

So yeah if there were a lesson to wrap it all up.... tone down on the jealousy and the paranoia, it never works out. And I guess - don't gloat if you're right. Lol. But being right feels so good, HAHA =D

Accidents Happen

2009-07-05T15:02:00.000-07:00

So I've been volunteering at this summer school that my church runs on campus. The school in itself is well run - the staff is mostly graduates who've taken time to volunteer themselves to teach and take care of kids (K - 6th grade).

I am tasked as a volunteer to: feed the children and then supervise their play time at various playgrounds and pools.

As of now:

Most of my time has been spent playing with the kindergarten and 1st grade classes. The kindergarten class has taken to call me "ajussi" (most of them are korean) which usually refers to me being an old man. I have also trained a number of children within the class to stand attention (as in the army). I mean it's not like I TAUGHT them how to do it, they just knew the motions to the words - no, really. Basically, I say "CHUL YUT!" (Attention!) and a few boys happily stand attention and "KYUNG NAE!" (I don't realy know what that means...salutation?) and then they bow to me.

I just realized I have been having some sort of trend with children bowing to me. WHen I was in high school we used to make our friend's little brother (who was 4 or 5) get up on the table on his knees and bow to us (like the way you worship something =X).... Um... he totally started doing it by himself... I think... but after a while we just kept making him do it. Well, I did HAHA. And of course, like my kindergarteners today, he did it with a big smile on his face, giggling.

Eh, twice isn't really a trend - so maybe if it happens a third I'll maybe think about looking back on myself.

I've only had two real incidents while on the job that required some sort of action:

While playing tag a chubby korean boy (I have no idea what his name is), and a skinny red-headed girl named Sophie collided into each other. I mean bumping heads is one thing...but when they made contact they were running so fast it sounded like someone slammed a heavy door. And to this noise OBVIOUSLY my sharp instinct and nurturing nature:

Laughed.

I mean it was only for 1 second. But it was pretty damn funny lol. And of course I handled the crying children. But I must reiterate it was awesome... that sounds wrong but I'll leave at like that.

The next was a little more...egh. After we had gone swimming I was tasked with a fellow volunteer to take the boys to change. The boys had done it before so they were just stripping down in different corners and putting on their dry clothes.

Except for one.

He had no problem getting naked. But then he just kinda of...fiddled with his junk for a little bit. At this my fellow volunteer asked: "Do you have to pee? Does anyone need to pee? We should go first if you have to." Very sensible. But the quiet bugger shook his head. So we told him to put his friggin underwear on.

So ever so slowly, stark naked, he began to put on his underwear. I began to continue my conversation with the other volunteer until we heard water dripping. And of course we look over and this kid has his underwear at his knees and he's going to town peeing all over the floor. I mean - it was funny cause he's peeing all over his leg/underwear/ground (and somehow he got it onto the table? It was one of those baby tables for little kids but still he got it onto the table? lol) And he just kinda looks at the ground at his pee and slowly looks up to meet our gaze.

AHh! So we have to clean this kid up. Andrew (the other volunteer) is trying to wrap the towel around the kid so he doesn't have to walk around the hall butt naked but the kid wants to wear the towel like a cape. So he keeps wrapping him and the kid keeps exposing himself lol. He was.... pretty clueless to say the least. Usually kids cry or something when they have accidents like that...but he just...didn't care!

I don't remember having any accidents at school - the only one I remember was this kid named Tae Ho pooped his pants and sat on it through an Aladin movie in 2nd grade.

Other then that things are really smooth/routine. But yeah - if a kid's naked and fiddling with his junk... I think it's safe to say it means he has to pee. =D

Parenting 101: The Korean Method

2009-06-19T00:03:00.000-07:00

It doesn't come as a surprise for me when I have conversations about parents with Korean friends - or even Asian (and black) friends for that matter, that we have something in common. Something that reigns prevalent within the parenting of minorities is beating your kids. (As Russel Peters would put it). However, I'm astonished to see how similar the method and interactions of parents towards their children is b/w Korean adults.

And I have to come to the realization there IS a guide book. Maybe it's lodged somewhere in that THICK korean/english black leather bound Bible Mom has in between the Scripture and the hymn section (Yeah you know it's there), maybe not, but it's somewhere.

I will brief you who are not totally aware of this method - perhaps so you can do it to your own children, I know I probably will cite some of this text because I must say - being a Korean parent has some perks.

I wasn't sure on how to divvy this section up - I was thinking about doing it along the lines of age, however, it takes too much thought and I never think about what I"m going to write (too lazy) I just write it. So I'm just going to go into basic method, as this is titled 101.

Child Rearing

Hit 'em when they go bad. Breaking promises is not an issue. I remember I got caught stealing a pack of gum and I got caught chewing it. Damn you Hawaiian Punch gum... I RAN to the bathroom and locked myself in there. I was 5. I thought I was smart cause I made a deal with my dad through the door. "Don't hit me ok? and I'll come out." and of course he promised. And then he beat my ass with a golf club. Darn.

Haha another time when I was about to get it the deck door was open so I intentionally started hollering at the open screen door. My dad's pretty sharp. He saw where my eyes were looking and ran at the door and shut it. It's kinda funny...

And then there's a maneuver Korean adults enjoy using called "Gakoo Wa." It translates into "Bring it and come back." You know what IT is. Basically they're saying "Bring the thing I'm gonna hit your ass with and come back here so I can hit you." I would always try to bring him soft plastic things and pretend I was horrified of them. And of course they mean IT. THe default weapon.

Whether they've used it on or not, all Korean parents are masters of this weapon. Tae Kwon Do, Kendo, and shoe horn beating are martial arts taught in Korea.
I actually know someone whose dad pulled this and then had his SON hit HIM with it because he said "It's because I'm a bad father." GEEZ way to put a sick twist on the method. You know he took the 300 lvl class hidden inside that huge black shiny cabinet w/ ivory lookin design.

But I've always wondered what if I brought back my dad a big KNIFE or a WRENCH just to mess with 'em. lol too risky...

Conversation

As a Korean parent, you never REALLY truly listen to your child. I mean - it's impossible NOT to pick up a word here and there cause the little bugger is talking to you - but you just want to say what you have to say and get over with it. (Don't take me wrong, this is not that Korean adults hate spending time with their children, it's just boring listening when YOU could be doing the talking.)

Now this rule reigns true especially for arguing. I for one can honestly easily out logic my father and mother. Not that they're dumb, but because sometimes what they say (a lotta the times) is unreasonable.

Me: Mom school's out I have NOTHING TO STUDY. I have a month vacation!
Mom: You have to take your free time to STUDY it's PRODUCTIVE.
Me: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO STUDY!
Mom: Don't raise your voice.
Me: I don't even know what I'm going to study.
Mom: You should find books on what you have to study.
Me: Mom, what did I just say.
Mom: ...huh?
Me: Umma~ my love. What did I just say.
Mom: That doesn't matter. Go study.

You see, she's just using a technique which we will call "Deaf Ears" and "Does not Matter". This way what she says is final, and what you say "doesn't matter."

My father, is a master of submission. Not only does he use "Deaf Ears" and "Does not Matter", he uses the "Interrupt What YOu Say" and "Reiterate Yourself So Much Even When Proven Wrong That You are Right."

Our family is on a family cell phone plan. Our minutes are not partitioned in any real way so it's first come first serve. And when we go over minutes, the person that uses the minutes that are over the most gets hit with the bill. I was hit with the bill and a raging father called me.

Me: Hi Dad!
Dad: LOOK AT THIS PHONE BILL WHY DO YOU WASTE LIKE THIS?!
Me: HUH?! I just talk and text!
Dad: NO. YOU OBVIOUSLY ABUSE. (no grammar error) LOOK AT YOUR BILL. COMPARED TO ME AND PATRICIA (sister) SO HIGH. AGHHHHHHHHHH (the high pitched flemmy sound they make) HOW CAN I PAY FOR THIS. THIS BILL IS CRAZY YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY.
Me: Maybe it was minute overage? From the family plan?!
Dad: No. I'm calling the company now to see what's up.

10 min later.

Dad: It was overage from the family plan.
Me: AHhh see? I didn't do that.
Dad: But you have to be more repsonsible! How can we live in this kind of times? We have to be economical!
Me: Dad I know bu-
Dad: You have to take a certain responsibility in order to help our family! That's your ROLE as a member! We can't just pay pay pay these kind of things.
Me: Exactly, I TOTALLY agr-
Dad: YOu need to learn as you grow up as a man, you need to live like that with your OWN family.
Me: Yeah, you're totally right dad bu-
Dad: These sort of things canNOT be ignored you understand me?

-TOTAL SUBMISSION- *ding ding ding

Me: Yes.

And a 2 hr conversation ensues in which father uses the words in all forms: responsible, economy, money, family. And I say yes to all of them.

Oh geez I could go on and on. That's all I'll write on the subject for now as it is late. I'll try to update sooner. Until next time :D Don't argue with your folks!

Below Average

2009-06-12T17:20:00.000-07:00

Currently in California - decided to take some time to blog to take a break from being on the road. 3 hr bus ride to airport, 4 hrs @ the stinkin airport, 3 hr plane ride, 30 min ride to sister's apartment. LONG DAY.

So I've been stuck on this idea on how height is one of the most important things to have. Obviously, it's not everything but it's most DEFINITELY and UNDENIABLY something important. It's no mistake that the average height of fortune 500 company CEOs is 6 ft tall. Being tall makes having "presence" easier. Not to say that I don't have presence....I like to think I do. But when you see a skinny 5'8(and a half) asian guy vs a big tall 6 ft hunk of man in a suit walk into an interview, it's NOT FAIR GAME.

My friend and I always have the same conversation every now and then when we go out and we see a hot girl walk by and she happens to tower over us ( not that she's SUPER tall but with the heels...the damned high heels she TOWERS)

Me: Dude, she's hot.
Iljeen: Yeah man...should we go talk to her?
Me: Uh, i think she's taller than us?
Iljeen: Nah, not really...
Me: Dude - her head almost touches the top of the bar
Iljeen: So?
Me: We're like half way -__-;
Iljeen: Oh yeah....

And then we sit there and think and the same segway happens every time:

Me: Aren't we taller than the average? Where are all the people shorter than us?
Iljeen: Yeah man the average is like 5'6
Me: yeah...

(Group of asians (male) walk by us...of course they're all 5'10+)

Me: Wtf.
Iljeen: Wtf!
Me: They definitely ate different rice...

So I researched this so called average height of 5'6. I mean think about it in America: Of course there's huge basketball players but then there's the small peoples....I don't know the correct term for them. And then you have Mexicans/viets... who are all kinda short. Average height in US: 5'9ish. Ok, w/e I fall short here big deal.

I've got to be taller than the South Korean average...

NO

I'M NOT.

Average height in SK: 5'8.7 GAY

And I know exactly why I am this way. My family genes are not particularly short. My sister is 5'6, my cousins are 6' ft. One of my FEMALE cousins is 5'10ish. Why did I get jipped?

And the answer:

*drumroll*

Starcraft ruined my height. How did a game do this? Well, I and thousands (i know this for a fact)...THOUSANDS of other high school boys were staying up for many sleepless nights battling away on BATTLE.NET via 56K. Was there time to eat? Not during intergalatic war! No one would dare leave their online comrades for food. I knew one who was so loyal that he would pee in a bottle. Yes, it was valiant at the time. I need to stop thinking about it or reality will kick in.

And then we would all meet up after and talk about how awesome we were. Little did I know I was slowly killing myself for these people - or at least stunting my growth. We were depriving ourselves of sleep and food during our adolescence when we needed it the most. Sigh, if I could only have that back.

Shoulda thought twice about spending 7+ hrs a day fighting for Aiur. -_-

Emos Never Win

2009-06-04T14:20:00.000-07:00

I've been becoming so lazy nowadays I promise promise I'll make an effort to update more. Summer has been pretty dry when it comes to events. Still being in school sucks and I'm just trying to work on or near campus. As of now I have a pretty routine life I'd say. However, one day did stick out during the week which I found very interesting.

It was probably yesterday, but I'm going to pretend I don't remember what day of the week it was. It was really muggy outside. Wtf is muggy? Like I know when to use the word cause I've heard my parents say it for the longest time but if someone were ask me to define it....wtf is muggy? Anyway. The sky was really grey. Not the ominous cool kind of grey...

gray?...

Grey. Like X-men Jean... Where you think a storm is gonna happen and lightning flashes int he sky and it's like OoOOo. It was a boring ass gray (Like crayola crayon gray) and it was muggy. SO. Muggy, gray and light showers. Emo Day.

And I sadly let myself fall into this emo-NESS. Yes emphasis on NESS. This NESS of emo. Emo NESS. And you know it's kind of like a chain reaction. Especially for someone like me thoughts like "Man, wth, all I did today was watch Korean tv." Do not hate on me watching Hyori play games and tell jokes all day is awesome. Or - "I should work out, but I haven't showered in 2 days...if I work out I need to work out first and THEN shower...but I really wanna shower...but I promised myself I'd work out. Yeah. Fck it I'm showering." As my friend called it - "Fat Person's mentality."

Of course the thoughts of what am I doing with my life and other petty things dawned on me. So the thought was - What do people do to get out of this NESS of emo? This Emo pit we dig ourselves into?

It's interesting how people differ - I've asked around. One girl shops. And I quote:

"When I'm feeling down, I just have to get out there and spend some money." Lol I guess that would make you feel better. Another was the standard eating, hanging out with people. My friend at home either "pwns people in Halo" or sulks in his anger like a little homo. This is actually very common a lot of people seem to enjoy to sulk. The emotional masochists inside of us.... You little biotch.

And another one was masturbate. Lol it was a girl.

K, it was a dude and it was funny but I thought about it. It's a legit emo NESS pick-me-up. I mean after the deed the hormones going through your body just give you that "I Don't give a crap about the world" mentality. I mean it IS to sate your body's lust for a woman. Post pick-me-up: Women don't matter. The wildest and hottest girl of your dreams can walk into your room in whatever fantasy that floats your boat and if it's post pick-me-up, "I'm sorry honey, rain-check tonight ;)". (I guess I should be more universal and include...y'know sex/preference...both?)But yeah, what need there was... was self-tended to. This remains true unless you're my friend Iljeen:

"masturbation does nothing now - its like a 30 second reprieve" lol.

HAHA I once knew a kid who put on women's lingerie (where he got this I do not wish to say but it was within the fam I believe) on his head while he did his...and he fell asleep mid pick-me-up. And when he woke up the panties were gone and his mom was home and she called him in for dinner like nothing happened. ROFL I don't think masturbation does much for him either =P.

....But back to a more PG pick up. One that I find myself doing a lot actually. I watch the end of Ratatouille. I mean the movie as a whole is great but the end is just like wtf this is awesome I feel good about myself now. It's not just me, it's just really self-esteem boosting for some reason.

*edit*
I realize the clip is a little shorter than what I'd like to show - I like watching from the point Ego eats the food to the very end - but it was the very best clip I could find.

So yeah - until next time! Don't be an emo! Or don't get caught with panties on your head! :0

Hanging out with Chinese people, A POWERFUL MILITARY STRIKE, and The Treeman

2009-05-27T16:36:00.000-07:00

I spent the past Memorial Day weekend up in Chicago because some of my friends were leaving the area for good. I must say, I didn't update until now because I was still recovering from

1. The sudden jump in alcohol consumption (I didn't really get drunk, it's just been a while since I've had shot glass after shot glass shoved into my face....k I got wasted)
2. The lack of non-chinese food dishes aka the sudden jump in MSG in my system (The weekend was spent with Chinese people who lived near Chinatown... what else can you expect)
3. Lack of good bed space. I had to share a full sized bed for 3 days with another dude.....Haha my friend woke up and his backside/hips hurt and he looked at me real dirtily/suspiciously and asked me "WHAT...DID...YOU...DO TO ME LAST NIGHT!?" No homo I promise.

First stop was at some club in Chicago. It was good times...kinda. One of my buddies was sad this girl wouldn't talk to him so he just kept buying rounds... one was doing his best roaming around to find "beautiful women"...and then commenting on the lack of "beautiful women", another was doing his best to touch "beautiful women"... actually just all women heh. I was just a drunken mess dancin' around by myself but it was good times.

We noticed that all the bouncers happened to be big tall white/black dudes 230+ pounds, 6'4+, hulking in stature. And we came to a general concensus...

There were about 7 of these guys grouped up at the end of the door. They seriously all looked the same had it not been for haircuts/facial hair. So what if the 8th one in this group at the door was a small 5'8 asian man. Who are you supposed to be scared of the most? I mean yeah this is after a week of kungfu movies but it's funny to think about.

The next day was interesting. We were stuck between watching a Star Trek or going to this bikini bar because the same friend who went around touching/I slept with kept throwing it in there. It was funny cause it was always "Dude let's just go to the club....I mean I totally would watch Star Trek if we can though...they're equal. Totally equal." Lol for 2 hours. And it's interesting cause you figure going to a club like this is just like going to any other bar to meet a girl but cut the BS, you're paying for a girl to take off her clothes and talk to you (as opposed to buying her a drink). So we went.

I have two fond memories of this place.

1. Besides featuring topless girls if you pay, they have free food and $1 beers. Pretty crazy right? So we're sitting at the table and my friend (the honduras one) is sitting there at the table eating away and the dialogue goes:

:Stripper walks up to table: This is not a particularly ugly stripper either.
Stripper: Hey do you wanna go for a dance?
Me: Nah, I'm okay. I'm just gonna finish my beer first.
Stripper: You sure?
Me: Yeup.
Stripper: What about you cutie?
:Stripper begins to hug friend and he tries to ignore her and concentrate on his food:
Stripper: Wanna go for a dance?
Him: ....*eating*... No. *eating*
Stripper: C'mon~ you're not busy let's go~
- And I quote...pretty angrily...
Him: EATING!

Poor stripper.

2. So we paid for my friend to get a lapdance cause he wanted one and on the ride home:

:Friend puts hands to his face and inhales deeply cause they smell like stripper...like really deeply:
Friend: I'm NEVER going to wash my hands.

HAHA

So we stayed there for two hours or so and it was whatever to burn time/cash and went home. And I slept in a bed with another man - who smelled of stripper.

It's kinda ironic that all this occurred as my true destination was to go to a church event to send off missionaries =X. Lala predicting possible lecture from sister. Ahh I'm human leave me alone. I would have never thought that my weekend would have turned out like it did but oh well, something to blog about. The service in itself was really good, I was very glad to be there.

Apart from my weekend.... KIM JUNG IL AND CREW...WHAT IS UP!?!?!?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090527/ts_nm/us_korea_north

"Any hostile act against our peaceful vessels including search and seizure will be considered an unpardonable infringement on our sovereignty and we will immediately respond with a powerful military strike,"

POWERFUL MILITARY STRIKE how do you even say that in korean?

You might as well say: "Hey, we got bombs we shouldn't have, and if you check for 'em we're totally using 'em and the other people."

I mean yeah one might argue it's for the sake and pride of the country when authorities are overstepping their boundaries but... hello? You know you're in the world's eye if you have nothing to hide then why not?

And something random I thought I'd throw in: Epidermodysplasia verruciformis. Lol probably the longest word I'll ever use (I just copy pasted it I have yet to attempt saying it)

Virus that makes people look like trees? WTFFFfffff. I'm not going to embed cause the clip picture it nastay.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcgLiV_rsUs

John Conner is Batman

2009-05-21T01:05:00.000-07:00

*Spoiler Alert*

I'm not critic cause I really love movies for the entertainment value.... This is simply my take on a movie.

So we watched the 12 o'clock showing of 'Terminator Salvation'.

The company was good, seats were good, the actual seat that you sit in reclined (that's always a plus), the weather was nice. The movie was sub par. It was literally Batman, MI, Transformers mashed up into one movie. I mean - I always manage to have a great time in a movie whether it's good or horrendous. Only cause if it's really good, I'll watch intently like anyone else and...watch the movie. But if it's bad I'm pretty obnoxious because I take bad movie as a sign to do and make w/e noise I want.

And I must say...naked Arnold cameo - with his chiseled body from 1980's panned across the screen means you can laugh.

Some other things were... things like - "Wtf? That motorcycle had a USB port. (Conner plugs his little computer into it via USB cable) WHY does a killing computer piloted motorcycle have a USB port? And why is it Italian? ...Killer computer got taste." Which is funny cause all the humans were driving around really jacked up American cars (lots o Jeep Wranglers) and here killer computer is sending out killer Dukati's.

And you'll notice that Christian Bale really REALLY likes his Batman voice. Whenever the mood got serious and the conversation were to become intense, Batman came out. I mean it's really hard to take him seriously when he uses it w/o the mask. Then again...it's kind of hard to take him seriously when he's using his real voice too lol. The following is Bale flippin' out on set cause some camera guy walked onto set or something.

I think he shoulda yelled at him in Batman voice =P

The movie IS entertaining though, so can't really bash on it. Moon Bloodgood is a hottie in it too. She pulls off the whole "hottay that can kick ur ass" real well. My friend thought the pregnant chick in the movie was hot though.... Lol thought I'd throw that in there.

Since I'm talking about movies...A really REALLY GOOD movie was "Ip Man" <== Bruce Lee's master in real life!. It's a kung fu movie and I'd say the best. The fighting is straight up so no special effects but it's SO SICK. I figured I'd post a clip. So Japan occupied China. Basically, people go to fight for bags of rice cause the Japanese General likes watching martial arts, and Ip Man's friend lost fighting 3 people (for 3 bags) and got shot. Ip Man is like WTF! cause the shiny hair guy brought him and the Chinese people there "as a favor" and the Wing Chun ass kicking ensues. This scene alone isn't able to capture how good this movie is...but I just like watching fighting anyway lol.

On a side note from movies my Chinese friend and I were talking and he was asking me "Why do all Korean guys beat up their girlfriends? I've never met a Chinese guy that's done that." Talked about treating women and what not culturally and stereotypically, Chinese people respect them blah blah blah.

As a Korean I'd like to say this is untrue and .....

Ever hear the quote:

"Behind every (insert 'great' 'successful' etc.) man, there is a (insert) woman."

Well fortune cookie fortune representative for China says differently:

ALWAYS WHAT CHINESE COOKIE?! ALWAYS WHAT?!?!

AFK recap

2009-05-15T23:00:00.001-07:00

Yeah, so it's been a while since I've updated only cause it was finals week and I had a final in every freakin' class I was taking.

Being a finance major you'd think the hardest i took would have something remotely to do with duration and convexity of bonds and hedging futures and what not. Nope.

It was on this crap. 150+ Small plants, shrubs, trees, grasses, weeds, insects.

Is that a weed? Is it grass? What kind of grass is it? When does this grass flower? Cool-season? Warm-season? EFF YOU FCKIN GRASS SD:GUFS:UDF*(WE&UI#JBKFUW*E)&UIJDF

Other than that finals was finals. It's funny, I think I've studied the most at libraries this semester than any in the past and it's interesting to see who you meet there. It was nice being in the whole "SH! This is a library!" environment but... dude there's people that don't know how to whisper. I had to practice whispering in kindergarten cause my class was based on criteria of things were you and weren't able to do by the end (tying shoes (Double rabbit ears), zippering jackets (I had trouble witht his one), opening umbrellas, skipping and yes pushing lessons from father) lol I sound like I went to an assisted learning school or something -_-

Y'know those people that make the "whispering voice" tone but the volume is just as loud? So when they talk it's even MORE annoying.... bastard girl in library.

And then there was the kid who had a butterfly knife and would randomly spin it around while he was reading. His nerdy lackey was effectively mesmerized by his "crazy knife skills". Wow, okay loser. "K let's go study. Hold on...forgot my book. Sec, let me get my butterfly knife while we're at it." I know I judge.

Other than that there hasn't been really anything awesome about this break... there WAS an incident at my friend's work place though... There was a panel covering piping in the ground and this girl who was on the heavy side.... way on the heavy side broke through the panel and needed to be rescued out...LOLOLOL

So instead - I will make a tribute to the man who got me through finals.

I dunno... there's something awesome about being able to be a rapper and not have to be all thug gangstuh. Mc Mong is all about it - he's freakin' hilarious!

Fight Night

2009-05-06T14:22:00.000-07:00

So I was talking to a friend of mine about old memories we clearly remember and for some reason the conversation shifted to getting into fights. We were discussing recent happenings that occurred on campus and it was interesting cause it made me think of the first actual fist fight I got into in the 4th grade.

I was a pretty skinny, dorky kid back in elementary school. And I remember for no reason I was supposed to fight this kid named Jason Son. Looking back I think it was the white kids that instigated it cause at lunch it always "Jason said this. Doug said that. Oh here we go! After school! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!" Bastards.

SO - we're supposed to meet in the parking lot of a catholic school across the street from my old house. I remember I was wearing a white Georgetown? Hoyas sweat shirt and I walked over. four of the white kids that instigated it decided to come watch and Jason came running down the hill like some sort of hero. And SO it began.

Confrontation

You know how it goes. People circle up and you two are pitted at each other. I'm staring at this tubby Korean kid thinking "Man, I used to try to help him when he just came from Korea." Start pushing each other and then the fight ensues.

The Fight

It was lame. The ground was kinda muddy and he was trying to kick me like you do in Tae Kwon Do class for like 15 minutes. But the thing was when I stepped back from his kick it would splash mud on my shirt so it was all wtf. So I'd run in screaming and flail at him and I think I mostly hit his back cause I was too scared to hit him in the face. And then, he punched me in the lip and I started to bleed a little and the crowd went "Ohhhh~" And then for a split second when you realize what just happened that rage kinda just happens and then I hit him in the nose. WHAT A BEAST!

Afterwards

A couple minutes after the fight ended I ran home and cried. I mean - I don't know I think the first time you punch someone or hurt someone with your hands out of hate it hurts inside. Call me a pansy, WHATEVER. I go home and I'm all dirty and for some STUPID reason I wanted sympathy from my dad so I acted all hurt BUT victorious. Keyword: Victorious. (I was trying to be the wounded hero. The newly scarred veteran son! - y'know all dramatic...UGH) I thought daddy would take son into his arms and commend him for his epic battle and ask for a recount of the blows that were exchanged. The tale of VICTORY! And his reaction:

"AISH! Next time, bring a bat and hit him with it! Don't you have any common sense?! Are you stupid?!"

DON'T YOU HAVE ANY COMMON SENSE LITTLE BOY! BRING A BAT TO YOUR FIGHTS STUPID!

AS:FOigas;doif never try to squeeze a little pity outta Papa Cho. I mean c'mon idiot. This is the guy who gave you pushing lessons for 2 hours when you were 6 cause you didn't push your friend back after school when he saw you get pushed.

So that was my first fight. I've had a couple afterwards but for some reason I really remember that day. It's weird.

Oh yeah the fight we were talking about on campus:

My friend is going to the gym and at the gym a white guy and a black guy start going at it. For some reason they end up on the ground due to grappling or whatever (why do people always end up on top of each other on the ground during a fight?) and the white guy grabs the black guy's face (cause white guy is on his back) and black guy IMMEDIATELY cups and clutches onto white guy's nuts and warns him "Don't make me do it... DON'T make me do it!" ....asd;asdfasd HAHA

Participation Points

2009-04-29T14:57:00.001-07:00

So in my English class you have to participate and speak your opinion about things in order to earn points for attendance. We're discussing a book called A Distant Shore By Caryl Phillips (Who is a man, who the fck name's their son Caryl? I mean - I'm thinking Ca-roll but maybe it's Car-aisle. But then again boys are named Stacey too.) We come to a portion of the book in which the main character Dorothy, a 55 year old single female, is sleeping around with younger men and one of the classmates commented on her as being a "Cougar (on the prowl)."

Mind you I try to participate and give my honest opinion on things.
And so forth went the class:

Teacher: It's funny that society would do that. We again see a double standard in which Dorothy who sleeps around with men who are 10, 15 years younger than her is considered a cougar, however, if a man were to do the same thing with a younger woman he would be.....hmm......what do you guys think?

(5 or so seconds of silence)

Me: Awesome.

(Males and some females in class laugh)
(The rest in class glare and raise hands)

No harm done really.

Progression people, progression!

2009-04-24T13:05:00.001-07:00

Trying to update at least once a week is tough. I just had an exam in what I was told to be a "blow off" course for an easy A on trees. Memorizing over 100 species of trees and grass is no easy task. I can now walk around campus and identify trees and their problems and how to cultivate them. Wow, I have a future as a park ranger.

Anyway - to bigger and better things! If I learned anything in college - besides trees and their ornamental features - it would be that racism is really a prevalent issue especially for Asian people. A recent encounter with a black girl is what inspired me to post this one. I like to wear my hat tilted and I like wearing Dunkz and I got called out by a black girl sayin:

*First she looks me up n down and we make eye contact. "Oh you all you (yes, she said oh you all you) iz thinkin you a nigguh dressin' like that shit actin' all flyyyyyy (she said fly like flyyyyyyyy)n' shit I bet you thinkin' you all thuggin it mmhmm yeah I bet nigguh you trippin' china." (She did all this doing that wild crazy wave of the hands and pointing thing at me)

And honestly...my first reaction was how she said all that cause she didn't take time to breathe. Try sayin' that w/o trying to breathe. So I reply:

"I'm Korean. I like your nails." (Cause they were crazy rainbow colored with palm trees on em) And I think that took her off guard cause she just walked away - but her black guy friend who was dressed pretty much like me just sat there next to me and shook his head.

What sucks even more is that our racism is pretty much overlooked. Remember during the huge tidal waves in Asia and all the flooding and people killed and then Hot 97 in NY puts out that stupid song making fun of it. Gosh that boils my blood man. I mean I believe that I am one of the most patient people when it comes to these kinds of things. Racism will be racism, ignorance will be ignorance. Stereotypes can be funny. But it's never a big deal for people to hate on Asian people. And what gets me even more is that ANOTHER MINORITY DID IT. Hear me out. I love my fellow black minority. But for a culture that has been oppressed - they do a good job dishing it out.

Take this video:

You don't have to listen to it - I mean the song is ALRIGHT but it's nothing amazing. You have to give them props though - they're trying to break into an industry where Asian people aren't really welcome. But the comments are ridic.

"CHING CHONG CHANG you guys suck" - wtf? are you still 5?
"GO BACK TO KOREA, YALL FUCKING SUCK! GO BACK TO KOREA, YALL FUCKING SUCK!" - At least he knows they're korean.
"WTF? This ain't that crazy North Korean Kim Jong-Il AKA the successor to his father Kim Il-Sung's dictator position!" - This was just stupid. I can't believe someone said that.
"these niggaz aint on shit. keep makin them fortune cookies son" Typical.

(This makes me think about Jin the rapper. I mean yeah he was so good at freestyle battling on BET - but c'mon he knew what people were gonna say it's all the same.)

I'm not saying all these people are black - but the website IS targeted to that group - so I can assume at least one of the hundred racial comments is from that of a minority.

And from the standpoint of a Korean-American.... I think people fail to see how similar we are to black folk! Yes, Africans and people from the Caribbean were taken and enslaved for many a year. Koreans were conquered more times than you can count throughout history. I mean - I guess we're a damn strategic peninsula cause history knows whenever someone wants to start shit in Asia..."Y'know, while we're at it might as well pick up Korea, conquer their people, suppress their culture, sex their women. Eh, well if you can't get the whole country just make sure you suppress and sex."....damn you bastards of the past.

Now I'm not saying korean people are innocent of racism or we're a totally awesome and pure culture. As a people we're jacked up too. Heinz Ward goes to Korea (cause the beautiful man identifies himself as a Korean) and he's treated like a hero! If he wasn't MVP.... highly doubt he'd get any love. And I'm not saying that it's not our fault that people see us a certain way. Take these girls for example - they really need to go on top of a building and jump.

I'm guessing these girls are educated. You wonder why people people associate asian people with just books and smarts huh. And no, I did not think this video was funny at all. Not one bit. Nope. Die in a fire.

But I feel secretly that people are starting to catch on, so I have hope. You know there's always those non-yellow people that just hang out with a crowd of Asians. The ones plagued by yellow-fever. Those are the ones that got reeled in. They're usually the ones that wear anime shirts and want to eat "Korean BBQ" (it's so funny when they say that) all the time. We get what we can and we get 'em good whether the bait be the food, the girls, and anime (Yes I believe it was created to bait people in - well now I do.

Cheers to those guys and gals - how could you ever hate on them.

*edit* I do suppose I was harsh on those girls in the video. Had they been hot I would've been more inclined to like the video but I stand by what I said before.

For Lack of Material

2009-04-16T15:02:00.000-07:00

So I've been showing my blog to random people now and then and I've been getting some good feedback. But as I compare my blog to other people's blogs especially those with many views I realize I'm lacking a theme. This is definitely not a food blog, photo blog, art blog, etc. etc. due to the fact that 1. I lack a hobby 2. I'm too lazy to pick up a hobby 3. I don't own a digital camera and 4. I'm not great at art. Eh... I'll figure something out in the future.

However, I do predict MS Paint art coming so....yes, it'll probably be something immature hah!

This past week was interesting as it was Easter. Prior to it, Betty Brown told me that my name was too complex for her. http://thinkprogress.org/2009/04/09/brown-asian-names/. I believe this is the link everyone is posting up so I will do so as well. I mean COME ON. I can kind of understand because many a time people say my last name as "CHOW" like PUPPY CHOW. But my last name is spelled as "Cho". Where the eff does the "OW!" sound come from? And to this I blame the Chinese. More specifically Chinese restaurants. Mr. Chow's restaurant has embedded this sound of "OW" into America. I don't know what I"m talking about but I have to blame someone.

But fine Betty, I will change my last name. As long as all the white people with Lee and Park (and Parks) and alike change their last name too. Rosa Parks should be Rosa Smith and Stan and Spike Lee should be Stan and Spike...Smith....because it's easier. So much for Asian progression.

It's kind of funny in her statement she cites "we can't all learn Chinese" or something like that. Why Chinese? Why not Korean? It's fairly simple. Why does everyone think I'm Chinese? Why call me a chink? I am no crack in the wall you asshole! But the more I think about it, I understand more. The assumption of me being Chinese is due to the rise in education. It all goes back to the SATs baby!

"If you have 10 red marbles and 3 blue marbles in a pouch, and you reach in and grab a marble, which color marble are you more likely to grab?"

"If you have to choose which racial slur to use between 2 billion Chinese slanty eyed people and 200 million (i have no how many Koreans there are) Korean awesome slanty eyed people in the world, which do you use to be correct most of the time?"

I mean, strictly following this, I should have more people calling me out on curry (Indian) things but apparently a good amount of them don't like considering themselves as Asian... I can see why but this is a huge topic in itself.

But back to my point: The rise in education is just raising the level of racism! I kid you not my friends and I ran into some grumpy drunk white people one night after the Olympics had occurred and as expected he said "GO BACK TO BEIJING YOU CHINKS!" But wait a second! Beijing?! I mean, it was insulting cause I don't live there but...I was honestly impressed. Instead of "GO BACK TO CHINA" he said BEIJING. This man has taken his racism to the next level. I congratulate you drunken white hick guy - you have impressed me. SATs (or that ACT garbage) and TV at their best.

And on a side note of Asian progression, especially Korean male progression - I really wish this kid would just shuttup and go away:

I mean... TALK ABOUT SETTING US BACK 50 YEARS. UGH. He posts MULTIPLE MULTIPLE videos. Hate him. Demasculinizing (is that a word) what little we have...

Oh and the reason for my lack of material - I was waiting to blog because my friend had recently found a little bunny in an apartment he does maintenance in much like this one:

So cute! And he put it in a little shoe box with lettuce and milk and he was gonna bring it over and we were going to take pictures. Pictures with a little baby bunny in a shoebox!! So cute!!

And then his fat daschund (which are innately rabbit hunters) found it when he took it home and ate it.

Garbage

2009-04-08T19:33:00.000-07:00

The title of my entry is garbage because rightfully so it's about garbage and yes when I look back at my previous post I think it's stupid but there's no point in keeping a blog if I'm going to delete every previous entry cause I think ti's stupid so w/e.

Another reason for the title is cause I feel like garbage. I know I'm a skinny guy but, UGH i feel fcking FAT inside. More self loathing probably. I'm going through that stage where the parts you want big are getting smaller (no not my penis HAHA - ugh..."Douglas, that's gross.") and my sotmach is getting bigger and bigger. My good friend David is still fatter than me so w/e HAH. But this leads me to what I wanted to discuss which is truly garbage is this new trend of diets.

Lately I've been seeing a bunch of people that I know going on "cleanses" or "detoxes". I don't know much about this stuff but basically:

"Lemonade Cleanse": You drink a lotta lemonade with cayenne pepper (up above) and you eat next to nothing and then yout ake a laxative and crap it all out. Um, ok. If you jsut take a laxative everyday, I'm sure you'll lose just as much weight. SEriously wtf? This is just a fancied up bulimia of the ass. I don't know what it's called for someone who takes laxatives a lot to lose weight so I'm going to call it bulimia of the ass.

"Detox": You eat a lotta fruits and stay away from meat and dirnk a lot of water. It will flush out "bad" things form your system and you will lose weight. Uh. Yeah, it's called anorexia.

There's even one called "Fasting diet". Right. I mean yeah it's probably over simplified but that's the nitty gritty. "Body cleansing or detoxification is a treatment in alternative medicine which proponents claim rid the body of accumulated harmful substances that exert a negative effect on individual health.^[1] Critics argue that such cleansings are often unnecessary, and are based on questionable or disproved scientific claims" so basically... this is stupid go hit the gym lazy.

I mean c'mon, people use any whacked out "scientific" explanation to make a couple bucks, cut a few corners, do whatever. If you're on one of these things, you're anorexic or bulimic of the butt.
Proof: My friend who went to Honduras for the Peace Corps posted some pics and he looks realy skinny... and word for word I asked him if it was from crapping so much that he got skinnier.

"of course its from the shitting. ive already lost 10 pounds of diarrehia weight "

Right. Right? Right. Just cause Oprah does it, doesn't mean it's a good thing. In actuality, it's probably bad. And no I know nothing about Oprah besides the fact that she has mind control lvl 99 magic.

Here's the song my roommate loves to listen to right now. If you ever wondered what an acoustic version of a straight up dance song sounded like here you go, Lady Gaga's Poker face in acoustic. And if you don't think the song is ridiculous than plz go to 3:14 when she goes "I'M MARVELOUS I'M MARVELOUS!" (yes my roommate prances about doing that both sober and drunk and it's kinda cute) and if you don't think that's ridiculous then look at her wig? (yeah i'm pretty sure it's a wig) and tell me w t f is up with her hair?

Oh yeah and my test... after I blogged last night I took another nap and woke up this morning to finish studying for it and then I skipped my english class after I took my test cause I didn't read Mrs. Dalloway....garbage book.

It's 2:40am and I'm starting a blog.... again.

2009-04-08T00:38:00.000-07:00

So this blog was meant to be for something else a couple years ago, and the idea was retarded (i won't even mention it). I've been feeling the need to express myself or vent or something I don't even know what it is but I need to do it. One of my best friends is in the Peace Corps now and he inspired me so here's to him.

I have a test about how babies grow up and develop into little children and how those little children think and act and grow up and all that good stuff. This class is stupid and I think I'm going to get caught for plagiarizing in it because I was too lazy to go observe little kids play so I just ripped off my friend's paper. No biggy (biggie?) w/e. The reason I don't care is cause my stupid ugly TA ignores my emails. I'm going to spam her inbox. I'm pretty sure she's racist. I have no idea what's going on in finance class. The kid i sit next to saw I didn't know wtf I was doing so he leaned over and said "How ya doin bud?" like he was my dad. LIKE MY DAD. Well a white version of my dad cause my real life dad would say "UGH HOW COME YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS!" and try give me a speech about how i fail. He's a realy cool guy but.... as;odghifa;sodifh. Who the fck says that? That was....humbling. [Note to self: study more....but I won't.] Someone in my church small group noted reminded me of my academic rep. My reputation up until the end of high schol has always been "yeah he doesn't try hard in school but he's smart" and now it's "yeah he doesn't study." [Note to self: study MORE in public places... right.]

Lol i'm kinda hesitant to write school stuff cause I know my sister's going to read this and she's goign to yell at me for sucking in school along the lines of "Douglas, you really can't do that. You know that you - blah blah blah blah." Cause when she talks to me it's in correct grammar/spelling and she calls me by my full name. I love you patty.

My roommate was drunk at 3pm today and came back into my room and peed in my toilet. Well when he was peeing it looked like he was trying to do a hula hoop so he peed around my toilet. Yes, i cleaned it and no it's not realy a big deal. When he's drunk he asks me for advice, I can't not love him. I eat jimmy john's about 4 -5 times a week cause it's the only thing that I eat that has vegetables. Thank you Jimmy....john?

I napped today before studying cause I always think that it's a good idea and I woke up to take a shower and while in the shower I dropped a big ass shampoo bottle on my toe. THe ring? toe. Now it's swollen up and ugly. [Picture of ring toe here]. I realize now in order to have a blog you need a camera. Like msot things, people only realy like and read entries w/ pictures. Lame.

I think I'm on the verge of an overdue nervous breakdown. "Douglas, you're just overreacting." (is what my sister would say if you didn't get it.) Ok, I guess i'm not. But serously, I realy am.

This was fun, I'll do it again. Probably later tonight cause little kids' minds are boring.